Im Throwing Away My Shot
by L.E-Rae
Summary: "Dear All Who Cared, you're amazing. This is a sleep I will stay in for a bit longer than usual. A dream where I don't wake up screamer over and over again. Don't think about me. Don't cry about me and don't follow me. All I ask is that if you do truly care, you will let me go to the place I've belonged since my first breath on this earth. Away from you." /Discontinued/ Lams
1. Chapter 1- That Boy

**Trigger Warnings For the Whole Story:** **Heavy mental health: PTSD: Depression: Suicide: Anxiety: Anorexia: Bulimia: Mentions of Rape: Physical/Mental/Emotional/(nondetailed) Sexual abuse: Human Trade: Homophobia: Racism: Physical/Mental/Emotional/Cyber Bullying: Tragedy: Hospitals: Medication: Violence: Broken Family's: Very Upsetting Scenes.**

 **I think you get the picture x**

 **-L.E-Rae _x_**

 ** _"Dear All Who Cared,_**

 ** _You're amazing._**

 ** _Selfish. Pathetic. Weak. You'll all think it. You can't hide a dead body for long so I know that's what many will think. Now I won't say nobody loved me, because I know you did. No. The hard part is when you can't love yourself. The trauma is the crushing fact on how I can't love the person I'm stuck with for the rest of my life. I can't tell myself to stop doing the things I do. Say the things I say. Or forgetting the things I remember... It's pointless. And I'm sure you know I wouldn't have done this if I hadn't tried. You are all such good people, you didn't deserve my burden... I couldn't even carry it myself... This was my choice. Nobody forced the pills down my throat. Nobody could prevent this. It was going to happen sooner or later so just best to get the pain out of the way fast. Just... try not to be sad... Try not to cry... And for gods sake, please don't follow me. Try not to miss me... Try to forget me. And, yes, I know it's like saying to a human, "Try to survive without breathing". But I've tried breathing... and it just doesn't work for me..._**

 ** _Now this is the point where I say a load of crap about the people I hate... but I don't want to do that... I don't want to be the one to make somebody else do this too... Though the worst thing is, people who don't need to feel responsible for this, will feel responsible! And the people who aided me towards this abyss, will most likely come out unharmed. My friends, my family: don't feel bad for me. I'm in a better place. A sleep that will last longer than usual. A dream where I can't wake up screaming over and over. This is where I want to be._**

 ** _This is what I want to do._**

 ** _So all I ask is that you've got to care enough about me, to just let me go."_**

 **Chapter 1-** ** _That_** **boy…**

 **(Johns POV)**

The riotous blaring of the echoing, high pitched squeal from my phones alarm clock, jarred me out of my heavy slumber and I jolted up, smashing the 'off' button as hard and quickly as I possibly could. Slowly and reluctantly, I uncovered my face and watched the morning light as it trickled in through the small gaps around my old, fusty curtains. I rolled over in my messy, creased dark-blue sheets and the sunlight gave a painful hiss at my face. My wild, knot-filled brown, curls were scattered across my also creased pillow. Glancing around my room with heavy eyes, I noticed the messy collection of notebooks, freshly-sharpened drawing pencils and some of my unfinished sketches. Slowly but surely, I pushed myself out of bed, letting my feet hit the cool, soothing, wooden floor while reaching out for my phone that sat on the edge of the bed side cabinet- slipping it into my pocket.

The crunches that rang from my back as I tried to click the aching, tired out of my bones echoed in my mind and I lethargically dragged my weighty limbs down the still wooden stair case. Along the way, I opened the dark curtains to let beautiful (yet painful) streams of light flood my senses and gradually warm my skin.

As I moved out of the living room, the shock of a freezing tiled floor splintered my leg bones, making me let out a long enduring sigh. For about the thousandth time this morning, I rubbed my eyes until they were sore and (like most mornings) I boiled a kettle craving for caffeine to flood my blood.

My limbs still like dead weights, I reached to the far shelf and chose a white, pottery coffee mug with my name engraved in cursive writing on the handle. I chuckled to myself at the thought of the faces Laf, Herc and Burr as we bought each other a mug on our day out to the beach (to celebrate my fifteenth birthday). I brought my head up to stare at the radiance of the lush glistening of the dew clinging onto the long blades of grass that embedded themselves into our fertile ground. The sun had completely risen and it really did capture ever essence of young, sweet September beauty the garden had hidden in its depths. After a long while of starring at the same spot for an extensive amount of time, the sharp whistle of the kettle snapped me back to the task at hand. Steadily I picked up the steaming pot and watched as the clear substance turned a deep shade of brown in contact with the granules. I sat the kettle back down in its original position and held the coffee close to my lips, enough for it to tinge my nose with its soothing sent. And- like heaven- it leisurely swam down my throat in a homely warmth while heating my insides to a relaxing temperature. Still gently sipping the caffeine cup, I sat at the kitchen table scrolling through my Instagram. Just the usual, people posted those pointless 'DM me an emoji and I'll tell you how hot you are!' tests, the typical dramatic selfies/pictures of what they had been doing that summer and (the most resent and popular) 'Hello Junior Year!' posts.

 _Ugh! Junior Year!_

I groaned subconsciously and continued this process of sip, scroll, like, comment for a good five minutes until I received a _'ping'_ vibrating the top of my phone. It was Laf!

 **Laf: (just now)- Mornin' sunshine! You even awake yet?**

I rolled my eyes at our friendly banter of flirts.

 **You: (just now)- Don't fret, I'm awake sweet heart ;) 3 xx**

 **You: (just now)- (only coz of the coffe tho XD)**

 **Laf: (just now)- Haha mon amie! You crack me up XD**

 **Laf: (just now)- So are you excited for school?!**

 **You: (just now)- Oh I'm 'absolutely ecstatic' -_-**

 **Laf: (just now)- Oh me too! Can't wait for that first day essay that had to be in tomorrow! -_- lol**

 **You: (just now)- Ikr?! We've only had two years of high school and I'm already ready to retire!**

 **Laf: (just now)- Oui! Oui! On point mon amie! On POINT! But think about it after this it's only one more year to go!**

 **You: (2 minutes ago)- Ha! You're way too optimistic plus you said that last year, "Think about it after this it's only two more years to go!"! Lmao! Anyways I have to get ready now Laf. When and where you wanna meet?**

 **You: (just now)- Laf?**

 **Laf (just now)- Soz I was just texting Herc and Burr. They say 8:45 at the Ivy Tree Wall?**

 **You: (just now)- Sounds good!**

 **Laf: (just now)- Au revoir mon amie!**

 **You: (just now)- Heh, c u!**

I finished the last few sips of my coffee and walked back up the stairs- being cautious not to wake my father and siblings. I entered the bathroom first and carefully brushed through my birds-nest of tangled knots to then pull it into a side pony tail that sat nicely on my right shoulder. I then splashed my face several times with ice cold water that sent a chill of electric trickle down my spine- chilling but soothing. My mouth was then flushed with a flavorsome taste of mint as the toothpaste foamed up and slightly dribbled down my chin. I wiped away the remanence of white froth, rinsed my mouth with both water and (another) minty tasting mouthwash.

As I exited the family bathroom, I made sure to avoid the few creaky floorboards that had worn down over time. I made it to my closet and picked out a casual outfit: a white T-Shirt with a few black stipes streaking across it: a light-blue denim jacket with sleeves to just above my elbows: a pair of dark-blue denim styled tight jeans: my plain white converse: and my rainbow-pride ankle bracelet (something I keep well hidden).

 _Not too bad Laurens…_

After tweaking the collar on my jacket, I turned to grab my phone.

 ** _08:31_**

I wasn't in a rush so I calmly picked up my brown leather satchel. It was quite worn but the scuffs made it look slightly fashionable… Chuckling at my own remarks, I grabbed my school note books, text books, my pencil case, my sketch pad, sketching pencils, some of my best drawings, headphones, a couple of folders, hair brush, laptop, chargers, my wallet, a reading book, my diary (I never went anywhere without it) and placed them neatly in my bag. Quickly checking myself over a few more times and picking up my phone, I then steadily walked towards my bedroom door but… something had caught my eye… Mom… Me… A _family_ … Smiles… _Real_ smiles… Happiness… _Love_ … My heart seemed to sink… That never used to happen before… Why was the picture so important now? In the picture, it showed the sun beating furiously down on a young-child me, my siblings- one older as the other two were babies- and my dad and my mom. The breeze was strong and I can still smell the sent the luscious flowers gave off in the boiling, summer heat plus- the heat its self. Her wavy, thick, silky, long brown hair whipped silently in the cooling wind while her hazel eyes reflected nothing but a positive aura. The small dots of freckles that lightly tinged her cheeks had stood out more vibrantly against the thriving forest background along with her bright, radiant smile that had tattooed its self onto my sole for an eternity.

Subconsciously, her eyes had drawn me in closer to frozen memory- tears pricking at my eyes. Swiftly I blinked them back and took a deep breath, daring to look back up at her beautiful features. Don't ask me why, because I don't know myself, but I picked up the picture and while taking full thought I slotted it in a page of my sketch book.

After that suspicious scene, I looked back at my phone:

 **08:41**

 _Damn it! I'm late!_

Without a moment's hesitation, I sprinted down the stairs, scrawled a note in rushed handwriting for my dad to say I was off to school, grabbed my keys, locked the door and sprinted out onto the leaf scattered lane towards Kings High School.

"Well look who decided to show up!" Hercules greeted in a deep voice while shoving the time in my face as I slumped down the old oak tree to catch my breath.

 **08:52**

"S… Sorry I… I was… held… back…" I panted between breaths.

"Nice to see you too?" Aaron laughed at my breathless state but all I gave was a mischievous grin back making him double up even more.

"John mon amie!" Lafayette broke through pushing both Herc and Burr aside then while picking me up embraced me in a hug.

"Missed-you-too!" I squeaked being squeezed too tight around my ribs.

After we had finished the greetings we started to head towards the large open doors and into the jostling corridor which smelled off way too much teenage B.O mixed with a scent of air freshener (but that was hardly noticeable). Everyone was gathered in their friendship groups gossiping, laughing and generally just having a good time. It was way too crowded though- almost too crowded to remember what it looked like before we left for summer break. Along the corridors, we chatted to pass time to the office where we got to pick up our time tables for the year.

 _Junior_ Year…

Almost as soon as we got them, we started crossing our fingers to if we have a class with one another so we read the list to every little detail…

 ** _(AN: PLEASE READ THE TIMETABLES!)_**

 ** _Me:_**

 ** _M: French, Math, English, Art, History_**

 ** _T: Math, Art, English, History, History_**

 ** _W: English, Math, Science, French, French_**

 ** _T: Science, Science, Math, English, Art_**

 ** _F: Art, Art, History, Science, French_**

 ** _Laf:_**

 ** _M: French, Math, Science, Drama, Geography_**

 ** _T: Math, Drama, Science, Geography, Geography_**

 ** _W: Science, Math, English, French, French_**

 ** _T: English, English, Math, Science, Drama_**

 ** _F: Drama, Drama, Geography, English, French_**

 ** _Burr:_**

 ** _M: German, Math, English, Law, History_**

 ** _T: Math, Law, English, History, History_**

 ** _W: English, Math, Science, German, German_**

 ** _T: Science, Science, Math, English, Law_**

 ** _F: Law, Law, History, Science, German_**

 ** _Herc:_**

 ** _M: Math, Science, Spanish, Gym, Geography_**

 ** _T: Science, Gym, Spanish, Geography, Geography_**

 ** _W: Spanish, Science, English, Math, Math_**

 ** _T: English, English, Science, Spanish, Gym_**

 ** _F: Gym, Gym, Geography, English, Math_**

"Aww!" Herc moaned, "I barely have any classes with you guys!"

"Hey," Laf replied, "you have English and Geography with moi!"

"Really?" Herc compared both sheets, "Oh yeah!"

"Hey John!" Aaron caught my attention, "We have Math, History, English and Science!"

"Hell yeah!" I almost shouted, giving him a high five.

"Laf! We have French and Math!" I said with enthusiasm.

"Oui! Oui! C'est génial! And Aaron, we have Math!" They both cheered.

"This is so unfair!" Hercules complained.

"Hey don't blame us because you chose 'Gym' as a subject!" Aaron joked causing us all to laugh.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Herc questioned generally confused but we all just shot him an, _'Are you serious?'_ look. "Oh." He started balling out laughter too.

"Come on, let's head up, we've all got our lessons on floor two!" I recommended and we followed up the stairs- still just chatting about life, holidays, recent celebrity uploads and post's.

"Hey," Herc said breaking the conversation, "What's Angelica doing as a Senior? She was in our year last year?"

"Oh... yeah…" Burr trailed off, "I was meant to get that spot but she got a grade better than me in my final German test… So _she_ moved up… Same with her other sister…"

"Who?" I questioned, "Eliza?"

"Yeah, she's now in our year and her Sister, Peggy, is a Sophomore. All of them moved up an extra year…" Aaron answered.

"Wow." I spoke, "That's some sister power."

"More like Schuyler power…" Burr trailed off.

"What do you mean? You don't think their Dad 'paid the school off', do you?" I continued, keeping our voices low.

"It's highly unlikely but there is always a chance…"

From that point, all of us just starred at Angelica, probably looking like total freaks, but it was quite unusual for all three of them to move at the same time… Mind you, they _did_ have extremely good wits about them so, like Burr said, it was highly unlikely… Right?

My gaze on Ange started to steadily drift to her right, hidden in the shadows a… boy?

"Guys look!" I pointed towards this short, skinny boy that stood gloomily in between two lockers. I couldn't get a good image of his features, but I could see the way his mid-length, thick, silky brown hair purposefully drooped over the side of his pale skinned face (too pale to be normal)- hiding himself away from the world. The dark-green hoody he wore was frayed at the sleeves and not a very good fit, along with his dark-blue jeans that dropped lower than his uncommon, nimble ankles. You could only just see the edge of his scruffy, scuffed trainers peeking out underneath the trousers as he shuffled uncomfortably in the oversized clothing- the soles of the shoes almost falling off. Just out the pocket of his hoody, I noticed some white, string headphones leading to his ears obviously playing a tune with a beat as he subtly nodded his head to the rhythm. "Do you think he's new?"

"Oui! I mean, I haven't seen him before… So, it's likely." Lafayette spoke looking at Aaron for an answer, "Do you think he's in our year?"

"Well, has anyone left our year?" I questioned logically, looking at Aaron too.

"I suppose Angelica moved up but Eliza took her place…" Burr answered, "Hang on a sec! George Fredrick left to join that fancy private school before summer break remember?"

"Oh yeah!" I recalled, "Thank god!" We all gave out a laugh at my truthful bluntness…

"So, do you think that kid replaced him?" Herc questioned.

"It's definitely possible." Burr said in the smart way he usually spoke.

All our eyes seemed to drift in sync to where the small, fragile boy hid. Soon enough, our idiocy was caught as this boy looked up and our eyes met- more specifically mine and his. His colour-drained face was well ovalized which made his features stand out well. His lips were- like his skin- unhealthily pale yet they shared a nice balance between thick and thin. It spread about two and a half centimeters away from the crevasses at the edge of is nostrils which connected to a small, dainty nose. His flat eyebrows were naturally neat and to a perfect length of a way past the verge of his slightly open mouth. But it was the eyes the caught me off guard… It's always the eyes, isn't it? His eyes reached in deep and shone back almost an exact reflection of the commotion around us. It was hard to make out his large gapping pupils as his iris was such a dark shade of brown that it also contains small flickers of _actual_ black, sparking the eyes contents.

In that spilt second though, his pale cheeks grew which seemed impossibly dimmer. His eyes grew extremely wide in fright and his colorless lips grew apart as if he had to take long, deep breaths. Flustered and terrified, he whipped his hood above his head and vanished into the jungle of jostling teens- far away from the place he had stood in silence only a few moments before.

 _Who is that kid?_ I wondered in my subconscious but more importantly… Why did I care so much?

The four of us just stood and closed into ourselves in an awkward silence. I can only imagine, every one of us can hear the same nudging question, ringing a constant, irritating bell in the realms of our rattling thoughts.

Though despite our quiet, the school bell then howled along the corridors, vaulting from the crooks and echoing a brain washing melody towards every student, signaling them to head to the first lesson of the school year. People either purposefully shoved by us or in an accidental rush- still we stood motionless. That kid had somehow kept us _all_ noiseless and motionless- heck! Even Laf had nothing to say for once! So I spoke up,

"Come on Laf, we don't wanna be late for French…"

He simply just nodded his head and took a step to my side.

"We better head off too… And hey, I'll see you and Laf in Math!" Burr lightened the mood.

"At break, I'll meet you guys at the Ivy Tree Wall 'K?" Herc happily said starting to walk to his Spanish class.

"Sounds good Mon Amie! Come on John."

"Alright, see you guys!" I yelled after Aaron and Herc.

"Later!" "Later!" They both called back as we all took a step towards the next hour of a lecture.

As me and Laf entered the class, we noticed that other than a few students, we were one of the first to enter. In French class with Ms. Sally Lamb (though we addressed her as Ms. Lamb) there were four rows, and on each row, you had six desks (it was like that in most classes if I'm honest). Me and Laf sat ourselves down on the right-hand side of the third row back- as all the back-row seats were taken.

Since Laf had grown up in fluent French this lesson was quite a bore to him. Also he once told me that it reminded him too much of his old home… As a child before he was adopted by The Washington's, moving to Virginia was a very hard move. I remember for the first few years I was his only friend… Mainly because I was the only kid in our Middle School that could speak fluent French already. Through middle school he was made to drop some less important lessons just to go to frequent private English sessions, plus his social workers had also forced him take two-hour tutoring sessions after school every Monday to Friday- which meant that Saturday was the only day of which we could hang out. On the days he was free, we would usually go to the cinema, study or just have late night sleep overs (always at his house). George and Martha Washington, were very calm about these sorts of things and occasionally took us both out on trips to the beach or a local faire ground. Within the first couple of months that he was adopted, it wasn't just hard on Lafayette, the Washington's struggled too. Even just a "Can you pass the salt please?" was a struggle and personally, I don't know how they had gotten though it… So to make sure Laf didn't feel as left out, George and Martha took basic French lessons to improve communications with their new son. If I'm honest- this was the only time I had seen Laf so quiet. To him, it must have been so daunting. A new country… New people… New language… And a completely new life to adjust too…

However, Laf was a _very_ fast learner… He learned to speak a whole new language fluently in just over two months! And soon became a friend to everyone in our middle school! This is where we met Herc…

I think it was a Tuesday in 8th grade that we had ran into each other. Lafayette was charming everyone as usual making my eyes roll sarcastically at his cheesy flirts. Back then my brown curls had reached just past my shoulders- unlike the way they now tickle my mid-back whenever I slightly sway- and that day I remember this was the first time I had it tied up. Being the joker he is, he wouldn't stop talking about my new look. Laf has never, more so, I don't believe will ever give out a hurtful insult, therefore it wasn't the mean kind of talking more like how good it looks and how it makes my face shape stand out more. But his silly antics somehow made him walk backwards with a lunch-tray to talk to me, instead of walking beside me like a normal person would! But that had to be far too hard for Laf! The Laf who was _far_ from normal! He was jabbering non-stop while I scanned the canteen for the location of our usual table. He continued his ranting- me only half listening- until I heard him scream, a sudden crash and groans of pain. Almost giving myself whiplash, my head lashed down to the floor where Laf and another tall, well-built, muscular boy sat both rubbing different body limbs from the fall. Soon realizing his mistake Laf shot up and offered his hand to the boy (who we now know as Hercules Mulligan). Herc was new to the school at that point, so we suggested he sat with us and that basically sealed our strong friendship.

Burr, however, we met in Freshman year. Herc was always the sporty type, so he (stereotypically) struggled with his logical subjects. Aaron was assigned to tutor him for Math and Science every Monday, Wednesday and Friday lunch time. After a couple of weeks, they became close and started to have more friendly conversations. Herc had learned that Aaron's only friend was a girl called Theodosia though she often hung out with Angelica Schuyler during school time and the other sisters after school and weekends so Aaron only really had the library and his text books. Herc, being the kind, warm hearted teen he was, offered for him to hang out with us at the park after school. Me and Aaron grew particularly closer than the rest (yet Lafayette and I would always stay extremely close due to the past). Though I didn't choose Law as a subject, it still interested me quite a bit and that started off most of our early conversations.

Now I think about it, it was quite unique how our friendships were sealed. We all offered something to the other. I offered Laf I friendly face. He then offered Herc a helping hand. Herc then offered Burr an opportunity to meet new people. After that, Burr then offered his knowledge to us all as finals arrived.

Our fours friendship was titanium. Unbreakable. Resilient. _Indestructible._ And we all loved it.

"John mon amie!" Laf snapped me away from the back-track of my memories. Had I really been thinking for that long? As I looked up, the room was now packed- with the exception of Ms. Lambs table and a desk next to me. "Look! It's that kid again!"

He wasn't wrong… Almost imitating a lost lamb on a dark winters night, he stumbled in his slack clothing through the door and logically stared around the room, tracing his vision back to the empty desk next door to me. Like just a few minutes ago, our eyes locked and I managed to pull a slight, warm smile towards this intriguing boy. My hand gestured welcomingly to empty seat next to me. His eyes darted from me to the spare table and he tentatively sat down, faintly smiling as he pulled out seat, letting his shoulders slightly relax. We lost eye contact then pulled out the books and pens needed for the lesson. I gently looked back up at him and wondered silently.

 _Who is that kid?_

The only way to know is to try…

"H…Hey!" The boy zipped his head up and jumped back away slightly at my warm words. Those large brown eyes widened as his mouth slightly parted to let new air in faster. He never said anything. Was I meant to say something? I allowed my lungs to inhale a short breath for a short sentence but was abruptly cut off my Ms. Lamb storming in the class just after the last ring of the late bell.

"Silencieux! Silencieux! S'installer en juniors! Maintenant sortez vos nouveaux livres et copiez la date et le titre."

We both flipped back to our books, trying to look busy. The lesson drowned on for what seemed like forever and I was practically fore-saying everything that was predicted. Me and Laf every now and then mouthed the foretold word to each other, holding in chuckles. At one point Ms had thought she caught us out but we both replied with purely on-point French, which caught the attention from other students. But just the normal, childish taunts of the poufy haired boy that sat behind us…

Thomas freaking Jefferson.

For most of the past two years, our group had learned how to ignore the negative criticisms that he and his other tormentors picked at.

His devoted follower- James Maddison!

The school's biggest player- James Reynolds!

And the lead abuser… The guy who must have some record to be the biggest ass of Virginia- **Charles friggin' Lee**!

It wasn't just us though, many other people experienced this. And unfortunately, some innocent people were caught up in it too… Like a kid named 'Samuel Seabury'. He was the definition of teacher's pet. An annoying kid who thought he was better than everyone else but he was harmless… His friend though, 'George Fredrick', had been friends with Reynolds throughout Sophomore year so that had Seabury sucked in too… He was now forced to forge absence notes and copy extra class notes for them when they either skipped class or occasionally, a whole day. Poor kid…

Also a girl named Maria Reynolds, James Reynolds's twin sister… This was one of the worst cases… I had known Maria for a while in Elementary and had even introduced her to Laf a couple of times. She was really sweet, kind and caring to everyone though she did have quite and out-going, rebellious personality. Unfortunately, her brother was mixed in with the wrong kind of people and foolishly dragged her with him… I know that some terrible things have happened to her to protect her brother but… She was always vague… It really did worry me…

Even Angelica had something to do with Thomas… They dated at one point and that is what got her in this horrific group… She was either getting information for them, coming up with schemes or giving them money for whatever they needed. Of what I had spoken to Ange, she was very blunt, quick witted, strong, independent, a full on feminist and extremely intelligent. She only had one weakness that I could only assume… Her sisters… She would do _anything_ to keep them safe and happy- even if that meant helping Thomas every now and again…

"Ok les étudiants, faites vos valises!" Ms. Lamb shouted over the top of our noisy chattering… Chattering of all except from _that_ boy…

 _"_ _Ok students, pack your bags!"_

Many of the other students stuffed everything in their bags and ran out the door, whereas I carefully placed everything in a particular position to preserve all my important treasures.

"Oh, hurry up will you!" Laf complained. I just rolled my eyes and slipped the satchel over my left shoulder so it didn't tug my long curls.

"So," He started as we headed only a few doors up the busy traffic of students, "what do you think of _that_ kid?"

"Huh?" I replied, perplexed.

"You were looking at him through the whole of French mon amie!"

"I'm sure you're over stressing this." I said in denial.

"Mmm-hmm…" He muttered, "Come on! Spill the beans what were you thinking?!"

"I just was wondering who he was and why he looked… Well _the way he looks_ …"

"I'm lost."

"I mean how pale, and skinny he is! I don't think that's healthy for him… And his clothes! It looks like he hasn't been bought anything in years!"

"Oui… I do admit, his clothes were a bit frayed…"

"Poor kid…" I mumbled to my own ears…

"Hey guys!" Aaron yelled across the corridor, directing all attention to us for a split second, "Wait up!"

"Hey Burr!" I said giving him a high five.

"You'll never guess who we have for German!"

"Who?" Laf played along.

"Mr. Nelson!"

"Aww, lucky! We have Ms. Lamb…" I slightly complained as we arrived at the Math.

"She's not the _worst_ you could of have though."

"I guess…" I admitted. We all chose the seats in the second row with me in between them both. It only took a few minutes before Mr. Lowfine entered the class cutting out the silence almost at an instant. I looked around the class for _that_ boy- he was nowhere… I felt an unusually strange feeling of disappointment spark in the pit of my stomach.

 _Why? He was just a stranger! Stop it John! You're being stupid!_

I shook away the feeling but felt a new sensation in my stomach… Hunger… God damn it! I forgot breakfast! I let out a loud sigh, earning a few strange looks from the girl in the front row. I didn't care- I just drifted my eyes to the clock hanging above Lowfine's head as he drummed the tip of his pen frustratingly against the desk.

This was going to be a _long_ day…

 **Authors Note:** **Well come to my new Hamilton story! This chapter was way longer than I expected it to be! So I can't promise they'll be like this in the future! I will try my hardest to upload as frequently as I can, but to make them faster, please leave your reviews! I do love the 'Great job keep it up!' type of reviews, though I would really love it if you said specifically what's good and then pick out on bits to improve on! That would make me very** ** _Satisfied_** **!**

 **Hehe…**

 **This chapter may have been slow, but I can promise that the next chapter will be VERY dramatic!**

 **So please follow this story if you enjoyed and:**

 ** _PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW!_**

 **I can speak for every author when I say these reviews can make our day so much brighter! They also can give the boost needed to write** ** _Non-Stop_** **and get the story out faster!**

 **Oh and a little Easter egg here… Do you notice the name of the French teacher** ** _'Ms. Sally Lamb'_** **… Yep that's a 'What Did I Miss?" reference!**

 **Anyway, please leave your thoughts and I will get Chapter Two out soon x**

 **-L.E-Rae _x_**


	2. Chapter 2- I Just Couldn't

**_AN: PLEASE READ END AUTHORS NOTE! I NEED TO GET SOMETHINGS STRAIGHT!_** ** _-L.E-Rae _x__**

 ** _I looked around the class for that boy- he was nowhere… I felt an unusually strange feeling of disappointment spark in the pit of my stomach._**

 ** _Why? He was just a stranger! Stop it John! You're being stupid!_**

 ** _I shook away the feeling but felt a new sensation in my stomach… Hunger… God damn it! I forgot breakfast! I let out a loud sigh, earning a few strange looks from the girl in the front row. I didn't care- I just drifted my eyes to the clock hanging above Lowfine's head as he drummed the tip of his pen frustratingly against the desk._**

 ** _This was going to be a long day…_**

 **Chapter 2- After the ashes, is a new beginning…**

 **(John POV)**

My stomach _killed_! All day it had just given me non-stop hassle of a constant, irritating _'purr'_. So when lunch arrived, I couldn't resist getting the full meal… It was a luscious chicken madras that burst with flavour. The chicken was so tender while the rice was cooked to a perfection. I think I may get this again!

"You hungry?" Laf teased as he sat down on the table with me and Burr. He had just had science whereas me and Aaron had had English together- we just awaited Herc now.

"Yeah…" I replied slightly embarrassed.

"This knucklehead forgot to have breakfast!" Aaron called out.

"Oh my lord John! I swear you would- how you say- lose your head if it wasn't screwed on!"

"That's close enough!" I joked at his attempt at English phrases. "Where's Herc?"

"Oh he text saying he went to meet his Mum for lunch." Laf informed.

"Okay… Do you guys wanna hang out after school?" I asked, pushing away the not empty plate. I wanted to be anywhere but home tonight. It was just a gut feeling that if did go back to the house, it would be a terrorful night…

"Oui! I need to catch up with my squad!"

"Yeah I'm free too!"

"'K it's sealed then! I'll text Herc the plans…" I reached for my phone.

"Oh, no need mon amie! I have Geography with him last lesson!"

"Okay then, I'll just need to ring my Dad, you know…" I said letting my voice trailing off…

"Oui, I'll text Martha."

Without saying a word, Aaron too reach for his phone to contact his foster family. Unfortunately, Aaron was not as lucky as Laf had been in the care home system for a long while… Laf had only had one home- the Washington's- and they adopted him straight away. Whereas Aaron had been moved around many places, always staying in the same area of Virginia though… Lots of the families _'didn't like how quiet he was'_ \- which was hard to believe when you had gotten close to him. Actually, when you think about it, Herc, Laf (sometimes Theodosia) and I were his only close friends… Almost _family_ … The family he had at the minute (the Wilson's I think) were sweet, but quite impatient with how slow and distant he was… They were always trying to push him to join in with more social activities away from us and it seems that they are convinced that we're the reason why he never puts himself 'out there'- so there is always a chance he won't be able to join us.

As I quit my thoughts, I tapped on the contacts icon and scrolled to find my Dad's number. My father considered it to be an informality to send a text message so if you look at my message history, you will never find a single text message to his phone. If I ever did send a text to him, I know for a fact it wouldn't end well at home…

"Hello, Henry Laurens speaking." His blunt, gruff voice called through the other end of the line.

"It's John, father…"

"Ah John. How's the year started off?"

"My time-table is good and I'm in lessons with Aaron and Lafayette…"

"Lafayette? The _gay_ one?" I could hear the saliva being projected out of his dirty mouth as he spat the words like it was an insult to an enemy who had slaughtered your family.

 _How dare he say that! How_ _ **dare**_ _he!_

I can take him calling _me_ a disgrace. _Me_ a worthless waste of space. I could handle him calling _me_ nothing to him. _Me_ not human but not Laf or anyone else. I don't think I could take that…

"Yes." I started and turned my voice to a hush, "And there is nothing wrong with that."

"Shut up John. _I'm_ the adult here. I know what's best. It's not normal!"

"What? Just like it's not _'the norm'_ to have two heads or deformed limbs?! It still happens father!"

"That is completely different! The poor people who are _born_ like that, can't help it! _You_ and your _gay_ friends _can_! Have you even broken out of that stupid faze yet?" His words were like a thousand, toothed, razors to my flesh. I could almost touch each individual sharp tug, ripping and dragging my heart of my ribs. My own family- blood… What are they? What am _I_?

"I told you," I whispered daring to speak my opinion, "It's _not_ a faze. This who I am. I like _boys'_ father. Please just except that it will never change."

The silence brought hidden pools of sweat streaming down my face. I had been told many times that I wouldn't be loved as much as the other _normal_ people in my family. Because I'm _different_. My father was an extremely homophobic man, but not as bad as my grandparents were before they passed over a year ago… And especially not as bad as my Uncle William… I haven't stepped inside _his_ house for _two years_ as he refuses a _'queer'_ to contaminate his house- or even in his eye sight…

"John I don't have time for your idiotic antics. What does this call mean John? I'm a very busy man."

I sighed almost silently before gritting my teeth and blurting out an answer.

"I was wondering if it was okay to hang out with my friends after school, please?"

He sighed, contemplating his answer…

"Well, Martha, James and Mary are staying at your uncle William's tonight and I don't need you ruining my work with your Drama. Fine… But be back at no later than 9:30, agreed. And when you come in don't bother me and go straight to sleep." This was not a question.

"Agreed and thank you father…"

"Goodbye John."

 _Beep._

The line cut short and blinked away my liquid hurt. Starring down at the phone that had somehow morphed into lead during the heart-racing conversation. As subtly as I could, I took deep breaths to push down the croak in my throat… Was there really something wrong with me? I mean, George and Martha accept Laf but… Was it just me who had to be differently treat?

"John?..." I heard Laf say with caution, "Are you okay?"

"I… umm…" I stumbled, using all my energy to supress my swollen tremor.

"Bon sang! What am I saying? Of course you're not!" Suddenly warm arms had leaped and squeezed my chest to an almost oblivion. I swallowed even harder and melted into the hug. Short but sweet… "Was it your Dad?"

I self-consciously nodded, "Yeah… Him and is homophobic crap."

"Le crétin." He spat making me give out a weak chuckled response.

"Heh, yeah… I'm allowed out but I have to back by 9:30."

"That's understandable." Burr chipped in for the first time during my ' _scene'_ …

"Yeah, can we please forget about this? There's no point in getting mad… It won't change anything… It won't change him…" I didn't make eye contact.

"Sure." They both pitied with hesitation.

From that point we all just sat in an awkward silence. Laf tried to start conversation a few times but it never worked. I mainly just continued a few sketches- one of a dove and the other of a sunflower (my mother's favourite flower and animal)- while occasionally checking the Instagram and Snapchat feed. The other two had every now and then, gone up to refill the coffee but I just stayed still… paralysed in my own thoughts…

After an agonisingly long hour, the bell finally rang and we parted our separate ways. Aaron went his Law class, Laf went to his Drama, Herc would have gone to Gym and I headed off to Art… Hopefully that would have cheered me up a bit- even if it was the first lesson of the year. Usually in Art we are always drawing, painting or planning a new masterpiece, but the first lesson of the year was always the worst… For most of the lesson we had to go over the curriculum, projects and lectures of the year. We also did a bit of history of foreign artists along with a general knowledge quiz to recap again us on what we were taught last year. Art _was_ my passion so I honestly didn't mind. As long as I could smell the woody aroma inside a new tin of charcoal pencils, the piney scent that sprang from the canvas frame and the fresh pulpy smell of an untouched pad of paper just screaming to be altered by the soft, dainty, stokes that can crawl out of unseen depths of a page, I was satisfied.

 **(Lafayette's POV)**

"Le crétin." I had spat appropriately- it wasn't a lie.

"Heh, yeah… I'm allowed out but I have to back by 9:30." John spoke quietly trying to dodge any more questions- even if he didn't realise it himself…

"That's understandable." Burr chipped in for the first time during this conversation.

"Yeah, can we please forget about this? There's no point in getting mad… It won't change anything… It won't change him…" John still with hid head to the ground. I'm not sure how but, John still loved his father… Despite the awful things that he was verbally abused with everyday about being gay, he still stuck around and barely complained. John was 13 when he came-out and didn't get anything less than a rant and verbal harassment from his father as I quote,

 _"_ _You are mentally sick! What brought you to this? You better snap out of this fast! I can't even look at you. You_ _ **disgrace**_ _. What are to the family?_ _ **Nothing**_ _. Get out of my sight you_ _ **gay queer**_ _!"._

Yet, he still just stayed and succumbed to his father. Wait… Did he… Did he start to believe it?

"Sure." Me and Burr both said with pure reluctance.

From then on, we all sat in an ominous silence. Every now and then I would make small comments on our new maths teacher Mr. Lowfine but each attempt I made at conversation, John pushed away the opportunity. Soon I had given up and scrolled through social media posts- nothing out of the ordinary. Me and Aaron had exchanged sympathetic looks too each other but dare not say a word.

Towards the end of lunch, I signalled Aaron to follow me to refill our coffee and without hesitation, he immediately followed.

"What are we going to do?" I questioned with urgency as we were out of ear shot.

"I'm not sure… He's got it pretty bad…"

"I can agree with that…" I gave a glance back at him sketching away furiously at the books page. "Gee, I haven't seen him this down 'til il mère…" I paused for a moment. "Il mère passed…"

"Laf… What happened to his Mom? ..."

"He never told you?"

He shook his head, "No, neither does Herc. We assumed you knew but kept our mouths shut."

"Oh… Well, I think it would be best if he told you yourself. All I'm gonna say is that he was only 13 when it happened… About two months before he came out…"

"That's fine…"

Silence.

"Hey," He started again, "Why don't we go to the Ice Rink, grab a coffee and stroll in the park for a while? He loves Ice Skating!"

"Aaron Burr you are a genius mon amie!"

"Alas, I admit it…" He pulled out his best smirk and we both cracked up. If all went well tonight John would be happy… The main thing that made me happy too.

 **(John's POV)**

"Come on 'ya slow poke! They're probably already waiting for us!" Aaron buzzed with excitement, practically dragging me through the hallway.

"Fine! Fine! But I do know how to walk by myself you know!" I joked as we finally exited the torcher hall crowed with jostling living traffic.

"That may be true but you do it really bad!"

I rolled my eyes at his funny remarks letting him carry on to where ever he was taking me. Burr's foster family got back to him at the end of History class and he almost jumped out of his seat in excitement as he was allowed to join us! In fact, I might have had to restrain him!

History was another good subject. It was full of true fact and was so inspiring that people actually did some of the things they did! Take Lin-Manuel Miranda, Anthony Ramos, Martin Luther King and Mandela- they all helped shape our world today and they became that famous that we now have actual subjects about them! Genius! Though I wasn't focussed this lesson… It wasn't because of my dad either… It was the kid from the lockers… He too was in Mr. Pendletons class…

 _Who the hell was this damned kid! Why the hell did I care?_

I mean he looks lonely so maybe that's it? Laf was lonely… So was Herc, Burr and Maria…

Before I met Laf, Maria was my best friend throughout elementary. Neither of us knew anybody else from our kindergarten fore she had moved here from Spain and I had moved from England. Her family was quite unusual though, her parents were American but moved to Spain to give birth to her and her brother, so they already knew English before they moved back to Virginia. She did occasionally hang around with me and Laf but she befriended the Schuyler Sisters during Middle School and stuck with them most of the time. Until High School… Angelica made her choose between them and her brother so… she chose her 'family'…

Usually in those types of situations I would say, _"Never choose the person who asked you to choose in the first place."_ … But in this case, there could be an acceptation…

I only spoke to her a few times each year now (mainly when I saw her beat up behind a school block or in an ally way). I did miss our friendship- a lot… But mainly because I can't bear to see her hurt… She needs some people who actually care for her and not take advantage of what makes her a person!

 _Damn you James! Go. To. Hell._

"Look who finally showed up!" Herc bellowed from the Ivy Tree Wall.

"Hey don't look at me! Blame it old Turtle Boy here!" Aaron called out and rushed to Herc who embraced him in an instant, short hug.

"No fair! I thought we had established that that name had been permanently abolished?" I tried to look annoyed but they looked over in disbelief and we burst out laughing like usual.

"Non! You will be forever called a Turtle Boy!" Laf chuckled emerging from behind the tall, elegant, looming oak tree and running to embrace me in a hug. We stayed like that for a while as the other two chattered in the background.

"Are you okay now mon amie?" He whispered down on my ear.

"Yes Laf… I truly mean it…I am now…" I whispered back up.

We both pulled away from the hug and smiled for a long time. In all the years we had been friends, I had never actually had a good look at his features. He had a very chiselled jaw line coated with a toffee skin tone. You could see that he had recently shaved the jet-black stubble neatly that was presented as it performed a well-cut shape along the bottom third of his face. Though around his lips that almost matched as the same skin shade, it was smoothly blocked away. His nose was quite refined to fit his quite large face as the bridge led up to join his neat, long eyebrows-the same colour of his all his hair. Jet-black. The top of his head was covered in a frizz of the black hair which had been pulled into a pony tail- though could easily be mistaken for a messy bun as to how dense each strand was. But then I couldn't resist and I had to look at his eyes- even just for a split second. Behind his eyes you could see the bubbly, lively, hilarious person he was and that was coated with a sparkling layer of a deep brown iris.

He was drop-dead _gorgeous_.

Self-conscious of how long I had been starring I pulled away from the gaze and flashed a smile back his way. I was probably dreaming but I could swear I may have been the smallest shade of red blush his dark cheeks- and I would have been lying if I said my face didn't feel slightly warmer too…

We headed back to where we heard Aaron and Herc laughing at something that had obviously been said during my 'staring-spree'.

"So will any of you tell me where we're going?" I chuckled.

"Nope!" Burr teased, hitting me with a friendly slap on the back, "You'll just have to wait and see!"

"This better be worth it!"

"Do not fret mon amie. Ce sera…"

Those guys were the best! I couldn't have wished for better friends. We all then laid in the dry park with our backs being tickled against the comforting grass beneath us. The breeze was comfortable along with the silence that had engulfed us all and I stared back on the events of today…

After around a ten-minute stroll up town of laughs and our teasing banter, we arrived at one of my favourite activities… Ice skating! The others think that I am crazy because according to Laf, "I can't go five minutes without falling over twenty times!". I don't care whether I'm good at it or not, it's just a really fun thing to do. Plus, I may have a guilty pleasure of "accidentally" knocking them over… It's all part of the fun though!

For about an hour we were gliding across the ice, whether it be on our feet or (more often than not) on our backs! Laf had stuck around with me more than usual, holding each other for support on the slippery substance- the cause of our laughter.

We then headed to a coffee shop just down the road from the rink and sat there for two hours letting the conversations flow with no scriptures. I ordered a Cappuccino, Laf had a Latte, Herc had a Mocha and Burr settled with an Espresso (our own little treats for when we were out).

For once, we had found a brown, leather booth and sat down still chatting at a constant speed. Every now and then, each of us would laugh at whenever Laf would try to flirt with the barista who kept our drinks topped up. I mean, Laf didn't mean anything by it, after all- he was one hundred percent gay! George and Mather were completely fine with it, unlike my family (other than my siblings, especially my big brother who moved back to London to study Law at Cambridge). The Washington's accepted anybody for who they were and would never even think of hurting anyone for who they wanted to be or who they already were. They never fussed over it however, they just let them get on with their own lives but never avoided the subject either. It was just… calm… Until we reached the park where Herc dared us all to challenge him at a game of soccer! Him and Aaron vs Me and Laf… I can't remember how long the time flew by as we ran around the park aimlessly like idiots, either trying to catch the other or kicking a ball to get in the makeshift goal between two graceful ash trees.

And I then laid there, under the quickly darkening, striking, fire toned sky with my head making contact with my best friends', reflecting on how lucky I was to be alive right now. How lucky I was to have such caring friends who were there for me even when my family was not.

"This is perfect." Herc smiled in his tone, "Right here. Right now."

"Yeah." Burr had moved just an extra inch toward Herc, "I can agree on that."

"Oui. C'est quelque chose que je pourrais m'habituer."

 ** _"_** ** _Yes. This is something I could get used to."_**

I subtly chuckled- me being the only one to understand his French. "I love you guys. I wouldn't have it any other way." None of us laughed at my cheesy sentiment. We just stared up at the darkness sprinkled with an ocean of stars of the night sky that had somehow closed around us, feeling each minute pass by without any reluctance.

"Raise a hand for freedom…" I sung as if we were sat around the heat of a campfire, "Something they shall never take away… No matter what they tell you…"

"Are yes I know this one…" Laf said just above a whisper as I carried on…

"Raise a hand for the four of us…"

"Tomorrow they'll see more of us! Telling the story of tonight…" Everyone sung in a sweet harmony.

"They'll tell the story of tonight…" I went back to a solo.

"Raise a hand for freedom! Something they shall never take away…" We all joined back again.

"No matter what they tell you…" Laf quietly joined alone.

"Let us all stand our ground tonight!" Herc and Burr chimed in sync.

"Raise a hand to the four of us!" I soloed again.

"Tomorrow they'll see more of us!" We all joined together in a perfect tune.

"Telling the story of tonight…" Me and Laf sang in synchronisation while Herc and Aaron followed,

"Let us all stand our ground tonight…"

We all joined together as a harmony as the best of friends and sung our hearts away to the longest line, joyous smiles crowding our faces…

"They'll tell the story of tonight… Raise a hand for freedom… They'll tell the story of tonight… Raise a hand for freedom… They'll tell the story of tonight…"

"They'll tell the story of…" I sung alone for the final time…

"To~night~" We all joined in voices as we carefully sat up leaning against each other for support… But that's not what had grabbed my attention the most… Lafayette had slowly reached out his hand to place it against mine- the other two oblivious… My head turned at speed to look at his unfazed face gazing into the star lit sky, the reflection of the natural light reflecting a clear image against his glossy, brown, eyes… until he slowly turned to gaze at me our eyes locked… And he smiled… Just a smile… A smile that was _contagious_ … _Infectious_ … _Magnetic_ … _Electric_ …

 ** _Helpless_** …

But he didn't seem to care for the flustered blush swarming my cheeks with an internal plead for it to go away. No, he seemed to find a joy to my state…

Why did I act like this? What the hell changed? I liked Laf as my best friend, right? And that's the way he liked me, right?

 ** _Right?_**

Him being the first to calmly break the scene of our eyes, we both looked back up to the magical dotted sky- our hands warmth still merged. It was stunning…

"I hate to break this… well… beautiful scene but… It's eight forty-five…" Aaron said a little hesitant.

"What? Really?" I said using my spare hand to tackle Aarons phone out of his lap, not bothering to reach for my own. "Oh yeah… Dammit…"

"Well then…" Laf said standing up above us all, "We don't want to keep Turtle Boy's _'#WorldsBestDad'_ waiting, now would we?" He flashed a quick wink in my direction.

 _My god! What was he trying to get at tonight? I mean, what was_ _ **my**_ _problem with reacting this way?!_

Trying to hide my flush, I just gave out a chuckle and he held out his hand to help me up which I gladly accepted.

"Yeah… Let's go…" I stated keeping my head low towards the floor…

After a few stretches and shivers of the cool thin air, we paced down the solid sidewalk. The park was about twenty minutes from the school and around another twenty minutes from the school to Laf's house, eighteen to Burr and Herc's houses and fifteen to mine.

Usually they would drop me off, then (because Aaron and Herc live on the same street) those two would part from Laf and head home while Laf would then carry on just a few more minutes until he reached the Washington's (most of that walk down the long, winding, drive).

But not this time.

Not this time.

As we steadily approached the corner of my street I had only just noticed it. I could have probably spotted it a while ago considering the expanse of the radiation reflecting off the ominous glow, emerging and outlining each edge of the surrounding buildings… Along with the mass of the heat being ejected from this ominous _'glow'_ … And then I stopped.

 _I just couldn't move…_

"John?" Laf asked, first to notice.

 _I just couldn't speak…_

"John? What's wrong?" He asked again.

 _I just couldn't think…_

The other two stopped as well now, also questioning my odd actions…

 _I just couldn't function…_

Soon they followed my line of sight and stood speechless…

 _I just couldn't deny the unexplained drop in my stomach…_

"W… What is that?" Herc stuttered.

 _I just couldn't stop running…_

"No John wait!" They yelled after me soon catching up but… It was too late… I saw it…

 _I just couldn't cope…_

It was almost blinding. The sirens… The crowd of shocked neighbours… The raging fire… The house…

The house that was my house…

 _I just couldn't rest…_

My feet ran almost as fast as the tears fell, pushing and shoving strangers aside and I crossed the bright yellow taped line… Heat of the storm of flames eating away at years of memories being torn and ripped apart, along with my throbbing heart from all the irregular and jagged breaths.

 _I just couldn't stop…_

The blaze was calling me. It wanted me. It _needed_ me… I was willing to run into the hungry mouth of the open inferno and I was so close to its jaw. To find my father…

My father…

He was home… Alone… Where was he?! Had he escaped?

The fire needed me but I was restrained by muscular arms wrapping themselves around my tight chest.

 _I couldn't stop thrashing…_

My limbs broke out in a frenzy of pushes, air kicks and battles between me and this muscular being. Until I saw the stretcher… Carrying a limp body away from a scolding pile of bone-shattering rubble…

Someone way too familiar to me…

 ** _"_** ** _Hello, Henry Laurens speaking." His blunt, gruff voice called through the other end of the line._**

 ** _"_** ** _It's John, father…"_**

 _No!_

My limbs stopped thrashing and deflated like a popped balloon and fell limp into the muscular, restraining arms of Lafayette, with Herc and Burr then wrapping their arms trying to comfort my ear-screeching screams and yells.

 _I just couldn't calm down…_

"DAD!" I shrilled across the street, "DAD!"

Each breath felt as if it broke each rib in my tightening chest. I coughed up my own furious tears and forced my nails to draw fresh, heated blood to my palms. I did much more than just cry because there was a rawness to it, the pain was still an open burning, wound somewhat like the raging inferno of the nightmare tattooed to my eyelids. My howls of misery worsening, trying to shut away the pain. It didn't work. Nor would it ever work. I was just being showered in his own grief, repeating the cycle interminably. The pain must have come in waves, minutes that felt like hours of sobbing, broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before hurling me back into the iron cage of my heartache again… I could feel the sweat drench from my skin in single drops, ringing of my screams vibrating in my ears coming from such a helpless body, and the thumping of my heart against Laf's chest. I could only just hear my rapid breathing over the top of my sobs, but I could most certainly feel the oxygen flooding in and out of my lungs along with my body flopping to the floor in front of the crackling booms of the terrifying vision that was a reality… _My_ reality…

I dared open my eyes a crack and the first thing I saw… The only thing saw behind the blinding salted water…

Was _that boy…_

His expression painted an almost exact replica of my own except for the tears… His face was completely dry but he was a bucket of alarm, fear, worry, shock, devastation…

But there was one thing in his eyes that shared no remanence in mine…

 _Relief… Freedom…_

So as this mysterious boy stood limp in a pool of emotional ruin, I lay cradled in my friends' strong hold… So as this mysterious boy stood almost effected as me, I lay wondering in cycles of constant wet cheeks….

 _I just couldn't believe it…_

 **Authors Note:** **Okay before I start I first need to thank you for the support this story already has! THANK YOU! And secondly, I forgot to mention these two things in my last Authors Note…**

 **One: I am writing this set-in America and I am English myself so if I get something wrong please don't be mad! I have done as much as research as I can!**

 **Two: I am using Google Translate for the French so if I get it wrong, please point it out!**

 **Okay! With that out of the way… What did you think? This chapter was longer than I expected! Though I am** ** _satisfied_** **! This chapter was a little slow at the start but I promise the next chapter will be full of Drama!**

 **I do admit that the 'Story of Tonight' scene was cheesy but I wanted to put it in! xD**

 **THIS is where it picks up! ;D**

 **Oh and though this chapter had a lot of Laurette in, I PROMISE this IS a Lams story!**

 **I can't promise when the next update is but I will try my hardest to do it!**

 **So before I head off… I shall remind you…**

 **PLEASE LEAVE CONSTRUCTIVE REVIEWS!**

 **Thhhannnnkkk yyyyoooouuuuu 3**

 **-L.E-Rae _x_**


	3. Chapter 3- Love to Hate

**_I dared open my eyes a crack and the first thing I saw… The only thing saw behind the blinding salted water…_**

 ** _Was that boy…_**

 ** _His expression painted an almost exact replica of my own except for the tears… His face was completely dry but he was a bucket of alarm, fear, worry, shock, devastation…_**

 ** _But there was one thing in his eyes that shared no remanence in mine…_**

 ** _Relief… Freedom…_**

 ** _So as this mysterious boy stood limp in a pool of emotional ruin, I lay cradled in my friends' strong hold… So as this mysterious boy stood almost effected as me, I lay wondering in cycles of constant wet cheeks…._**

 ** _I just couldn't believe it…_**

 **Chapter 3- Love to Hate…**

 **(Lafayette's POV)**

After we saw that injurious scene, our hearts began to drum- stop… Johns chest reverberated deeply in my own, and slowly stroked his head in comfort- partly not believing my own eyes… His life, house, home was crashed down as soon as the abolishing fire first sparked. I knew he couldn't speak. I knew he couldn't focus. And I knew I had to do something about it… Something about the boy being cradled by my own shaking arms…

"A… Aaron… Herc… Y…You… Can you go get an officer or… or anybody please?" I managed to croak- focusing a lot harder on my English.

They too, were shaking as they both stood on unsteady legs and stumbled toward the group of professionals.

My grip became even tighter around his smothered, sobbing body and thrusted him into my chest.

"Shh... Shh... Vous allez bien... Il ira bien... Tout va bien se passer... Tu vous ira bien..." I repeated again… Again… Again… Again…

 ** _"Shh... Shh... You're fine... He'll be fine... Everything will be fine... You'll be fine..."_**

Could he even hear me?

"Laf… Je… Je…" He could only whisper…

"Shh… Tu vous ira bien… You'll be fine… Herc and Burr have gone to get help… Just stay calm… I've got you…"

Slowly, gently his breathing steadied and he faintly relaxed placing a smooth hand to my chest.

"Hello Sir." A woman spoke. She was dressed in the navy suit an Officer would wear. Even though her blond hair was pulled back into a low bun (most likely to keep it out the way), I could tell her hair was an average length due to the density. Her face was serious- but in a comforting way- and I read her name tag…

 _Mary Robinson…_

"H… Hello Mme…"

She looked confused at my use of 'Mme' but seemed to put it together that I was French. "I need to escort you and your friends away from the fire. The Fire Department have it under control but it is still too dangerous for any, especially young, citizens."

I simply nodded in acceptation and looked to Aaron and Herc for help as they remarked Johns limp body against me. Herc bent down and lifted away his weight from my lap with Aaron giving me a hand up.

"Thank you, Sir's." She smiled, "Follow me please."

She stayed by our side as she made a gap through rushing Paramedics, Ambulances and other Officers like herself. Mary offered many times to aid Herc in carrying carry John, though (being protective) he declined every time. We soon approached a tent which had the local Hospitals logo patterned on the side of the waterproof, fabric and stepped inside. There were a few seats, two Paramedics, a portable single bed and desk with what seemed like first aid kits stacked up on top other elements of the medical profession- equipment I couldn't name.

"Can you give him to me please?" One woman spoke indicating to John. Reluctantly, Hercules nodded and passed him over to her what looked like weak arms, turned out to show no struggle in holding a dead weight.

"You can take seat now boys." Mary instructed.

We did as told. Though she didn't the seat next to us… Instead she watched as that one woman carried John over the mobile bed and gave him a check over with his pulse, breathing and looking for any cuts or grazes.

"Do you know of any injury he may have picked up?" This time a male voice spoke, around a five foot eight, white, with a mixture between blond and brown hair.

"Je pense qu'il s'est cogné la tête et s'est blessé au genou- I mean… I th… think he had hit, not hard though, the back of his head a… and grazed his knee…"

Mary still stayed away from us, watching them remove his school satchel and reached for one of the many first aid kits took out of what I could see as bandages, sterile water and some special platers that wouldn't give him an allergic reaction- not that he had one… The team finished a few moments later and placed a blanket over him to contain his warmth. Though left as soon as they came.

"He's fine now. He'll be okay." Mary stood away from his sleeping body and walked over, now taking the spare seat near us all.

"As your parents are not here, I cannot ask any questions that are too personal about you. So, if you could, would you mind giving a name you feel comfortable being called. My name is Mary."

"Aaron…"

"Hercules…"

"Lafayette…"

"Thank you. Now can I ask your ages please?"

"W… We are all fifteen, 'Mam…" Aaron said with a numb voice.

"Good. Now can I ask the name of your friend."

I paused, "John Laurens… That was his house… And his father who was found…"

"Okay, so does John have a Mother we can contact?"

"No…" I replied hesitant with an abyss forming in my chest, only just realizing that if his Dad dies… He will be an orphan… He will be _devastated_ …

"Does he have any Grand-parents?"

"They died about a year ago…"

"What about any Uncles or Aunts?"

I stopped for a long time… His only family in the country was his Uncle… His neglectful, homophobic uncle who disowned him years ago. He _wasn't_ family. But I had to tell them the truth… It was to help him…

"Yes but... He 'disowned' him a long time ago…" I knew Burr and Herc looked shocked but stayed quiet knowing it was best for John if Mary knew half the story… "I can't tell you anymore due to confidentiality and under age adult consent reasons." Despite my harder thought on English, I was quite surprised I spoke such sophisticated words (I think I surprised many others as well).

"That's fine." She smiled again, and jotted down something down on the clipboard resting on her lap. "Does he have any siblings. You don't have to give exact ages or any names, just if they are over eighteen or not."

This question hit hard. Was his siblings' inside the house? Were they okay? Were they… Did they…

 _No…_

"Who else did you find in that house?" I blurted out.

"What do you mean Lafayette?" She replied calmly.

"He has four siblings though only one is over eighteen but he is in England. The other three lived with him in _that_ house. All younger than John. Were they in the house?"

"I'm sorry Lafayette… I can't give away that information…" I silently scoffed underneath my breath, but I understood she was doing the best she could…

"D'accord…"

"So, he has no eligible siblings in the country at the moment?"

"Oui…"

She sighed, "Does he have _any_ family here?"

"Non…"

She sighed again, placing the clipboard back down on the makeshift desk. She ran her hands up to her face and peeking through the gaps in her fingers, looked at John…

"Do you have your parents' number's please?" Mary finally said.

"My Mother would be asleep right now…" Herc said quietly.

"My foster parents are at a work conference so their phones will be switched off…" Burr said at Herc's same volume.

"I have my adoptive parents…" I said unlocking my phone with a few taps and scrolled to Georges contact _'Papa :)'_. "Do you want the number or use my phone to call them?"

"If it is okay with you, could you write down the number on this paper here please?" She said handing me a blank sheet of lined, A5 paper.

"Sure…" I said taking the pen and paper from her smooth, warm hands and scribbled down his exact number…

"Thank you, Lafayette. I will call him now." She stood up at a carful speed and made her way outside the tent leaving us there in silence with John steady breaths.

"Why did you tell her about his Uncle?" Herc questioned first.

"Je- I mean, I couldn't not tell her… She'd find out eventually and without my word of warning, John might have had to live with him…"

"I can see that…" He continued.

"Oui, but I don't think it would have been any better that we lie…"

"What about his siblings? Were they in that house? D… did th…they make it out?" Aaron whispered.

"Je ne sais pas… I don't know… John never mentioned anything about what was happening tonight…"

"Do you think he could cope not having them here?" Aaron hushed looking at Johns sleeping being.

"I dare not think about it… Pauvre gosse..."

We sat for about five more minutes contemplating different results of this nightmare, often drifting off into silence until another question would taunt us. During these silences, you could still hear the distant crackles and crashes of unstable structure crumbling away along with a few muffled shouts for help on keeping the fire at bay- each sudden noise making us jump a little… Mary didn't comeback in for what felt like hours (but obviously was not). When she finally did re-enter that 'aid tent', she looked a little less on edge and spoke softly,

"Thank you for that number Lafayette. Your father will be here soon as I understand you live nearby, is that correct?"

"Oui."

"When he gets here I can have questions for you, though unfortunately Hercules and Aaron, I cannot due to we need your parents' consent. I hope you understand boys…"

"That's fine. We understand." They murmured.

"Thank you for your consideration. Though, Lafayette, it is most likely I or another officer will visit you to collect information instead of discussing this now."

"D'accord…"

"Was John okay while I was away?"

"He seemed stable enough Mme…"

"Lafayette, Aaron, Hercules you can call me Mary."

"Merci, Mary."

Her face brightened at the use of her name. Personally, I found it better to call her 'Mme' but I knew it would have been a little bit rude to not live to her wishes. Plus, it was just a name and it really just didn't matter… Especially compared to what was happening in the heat just a few feet behind these fabric walls…

"Can I get you some water?" She asked trying to keep the quiet at bay, leaving us just simply nodding our heads.

"Okay…" She said picking up four plastic cups and walking over to a medium sized, transparent water tank, where she let the water trickle out evenly in each cup.

I wasn't thirsty in the slightest, I just needed to do something with myself- which didn't consist of lightly tapping my foot and chewing off the tips of my nails.

Considering my house was only a five-minute walk away from where John's… _was_ … Papa was taking a while- though I couldn't exactly have any clear knowledge of time right now…

About two minutes into the wait Aaron had started to lean against Herc's broad frame which I found kind of odd… Well… Today everything seemed off in some aspect or another… That boy between the lockers… Johns phone call… Even the amazing time we had spent together after school seemed too good to be true… And now this… The _fire_ …

"Gil!" I knew that voice. "Gil!" It called again… The only one of the two people who called me by that title… His voice unusually tight yet still held a strong sense of and deep pitched masculinity…

"Papa!" I called back at the low, frantic voice outside the tent. "We're here!"

Soon you could see a 6.2ft, black muscular man push through the (compared to him) small opening with worry and sympathy plastered all over his expression. He must have only just come home from work, as he was dressed in a tight, freshly pressed, navy suit with waist length, cream tie hanging down a little twisted (but who could blame him).

"I came as soon as I received the call! I apologize for being late, but I couldn't find the keys, there was traffic and I-… I'm sorry Gil…" He bent down stumbling to reach me but wrapped his large arms around me.

"It doesn't matter… You are here now, Papa…" I whispered back to him trying to calm his stress. He gave a comforting smile as he stood back up to tower over me- I smiled back. Though his gaze was somewhere behind me and his smile turned to a frown…

 _John…_

"Hello Mr. Washington. I am Mary Robinson. I have taken your son and his friends away from the fire, the one who rang you." The blond said stepping closer, offering out her smooth skinned hand…

"Hello and thank you for protecting these boys Miss. Robinson…" He replied taking her hand.

"You're welcome, but there are a few things I need to run through if you could please sign to say you give your consent for us to talk to your child."

"With pleasure." He looked through the pages constantly making mental notes for what this meant. After he was sure he wanted this, he filled out some details and signed toward the bottom of the sheet.

"Thank you, Sir." She said taking back the paper, "Now, I am sure that now is not the correct time to talk into details but I can assure you that as soon as we know the facts, you shall know too."

"Thank you, though I have concern for John…"

"Ah yes…I am aware he has no family available accept for his Uncle…" She said trailing off slightly.

"But he can't go to him!" I blurted out putting a hand to my mouth to stop the continuous flow of words. "Sorry…"

"Don't worry Lafayette, it's fine. But, these are details we'll have discus at a later date. I am more concerned however, where he shall stay tonight."

"Do you have an idea on that at all?" George questioned.

"Well, due to your son's concern towards Johns Uncle, we cannot send his to them at this moment… So we are most likely going to have to keep him in a temporary foster home…"

 _No…_

"I'm sorry but, do you really think that after all he has just been through, it is the best decision to send him to a place full of strangers, in a house he has never seen before?" George debated in his persuasive manner.

"No Sir, but we could also send him to a foster family for a few days…"

You could almost see the passion of an idea burning up through his dark iris's. A bubbling sensation along with the slight smirk that always seemed to creep onto his face whenever he felt adrenaline pump through his veins at the new prospective of a winning case…

"Well," He began, "As I am sure Gilbert has told you, I am his adoptive father which makes my wife and I eligible for child care."

She raised an eyebrow and George cleared his throat a little. My heart was pounding furiously for John… If this worked… he would be safe for a little longer…

 _Come on Papa…_

"I have the papers here to prove and my driver's license to confirm my identity." He spoke while carefully unfolding my papers along while checking for his license and a credit card to add more evidence.

"I see…" Without realizing, my expression had caused my eyes to widen along with a slight gap parting my two lips. My posture was leant forward as it seemed that Aaron and Herc had the same idea. "Your papers seem orderly Mr. Washington… Okay… Though I warn you this may only be a temporary placement until we can contact his Uncle."

"Yes Miss. Robinson. I completely understand."

She smiled her satisfactory smile again and reached out, opening the filing cabinets to grab some more papers.

"Please fill out these forms. Take as much time as you need."

Without a sign of hesitation, he almost snatched the papers to his own grip. The relief surged through me as if it was an unseen dam finally being broken- though I still had to remind myself… it was only temporary…

"Boy's," He said still filling out papers, "gather everything you brought including whatever John had… I mean, is it okay to have the boys stay with me for a night? I shall talk to their parents as soon as they get home."

"You're I.D checks out so I'm sure I can make an exception."

"Thank you." He smiled and briefly looked up, scribbled down his signature and handed it back to Mary who nodded telling us we were free to leave. I walked towards the bed at John's sleeping body and couldn't have denied the swirling storm of anxiety clouding my stomach along with a sense of guilt that washed over me…

Unfortunately, love was something you couldn't resist. It hunts you down and preys on an unexpected victim. That person could be someone you hate. Someone you like. Or even your best friend… Like my case per say… So unfortunate… Yet it was something you had loved to hate… A paradox… The most confusing kind of irony…

 _Love…_

Me as a person was probably the most emotional guy you would meet…

Favorite movie type: Romance…

Favorite book genre: Romance…

Favorite music category: Romance…

Though I despised when it had to take and strip all the ground around me without my blessing! Though, depending who it was… You could get used to it… Like I may have…

For every moment I spent just looking deep at him though his glossy eyes or having a mad adrenaline rush that made me reach and grab his hand under a starry lit sky… I couldn't push away the facts slapping me in the face causing my cheeks to turn red whenever his sweet voice graced in a blanket of pure bliss.

I finally admitted to myself what I knew what prodding me at the back of my mind every time… But was too afraid to admit it: I loved John Laurens.

 _Dammit._

Though also hidden within the clouded depths of my guilt, I found a small slither of pleasure…

I told you: it was something you loved to hate…

"I've got him." I said in a concerned manner as Papa came over to help though I just ushered him away. My right arm slipped underneath his arms and the left beneath his knees. I few jagged breaths were breathed passed his lips though he never woke…

 _Jesus… He's out cold…_

Still, who could blame him? While I took some steps out the tent, just burning at the edge of my vision was the wispy embers dancing in a deadly beautiful array some even catching the cold edge of my cheek in the calm breeze. In the ominous blanket of black above, the shimmering dots of bright stars loomed and scattered themselves in an unscripted manner- but just to think, just over an hour ago we were gazing at the exact same pattern of stars, naive to what awaited us… It is a scary thought that every single one of us woke up expecting the worst thing to happen that day was a four-thousand-word essay or not finding a table at lunch… None of us could have predicted this… Especially not John…

Lost in my thoughts I was unaware that I had already sat in the large, white, land rover pulled up on the curb just a few meters away from the iron-weighing yellow tape. The hum of the road below us was the main sound that bounced around every ones' skeleton. George was in the driver's seat where I sat next to him- longing to be in the back next to John who slept behind me- but Aaron took up that middle seat leaning against Herc who took the seat behind the driver's.

The drive was a blur so I don't exactly recall anything to happen until I heard the familiar crunch of gravel underneath the tires. I was the first to step out the car and swung around to open John's door, heaving him out in my own embrace. Papa, Aaron and Herc followed long with the former taking out the keys to open the large doors of the Washington 'house'.

It was too small to be a mansion, but too big to be a house… A manor? I wasn't sure how to describe it other than it was big! Though the Washington's were very modest with their money- they could most likely afford to buy and run a mansion but don't like to show how much money they had… Which I am glad with! George was a very important politic- in fact- he was the first black Senate of Virginia! And my Maman was like George, she worked as one of Virginia's best Lawyers. Whoever was in a bad situation wanted her! Up to date now, she had never once lost a case.

As I was saying before, our house was big. As soon as you entered there was a large porch with an oak planked floor, white painted brick walls and a grey rug which added colour to the room. It was one of those rooms where the windows sat in the second third of the wall that led all the way around. It also held some dark-oak coat hooks, shoe wracks and some cabinets (all in the same texture). If you then walked through the next set of doors, you would reach another room with the same colour design, except the ceilings were _much_ taller… From the door way, to the right you would see a seventy's-style oak staircase with oak railings. Then to the left of that was the lounge where two, long, white, fake-leather couches spread evenly (yet a distance apart) from each other. There was a white, fluffy rug where a glass coffee table sat firmly on top of it and if you just looked up you would see a flat, smart-TV sat accurately on the wall- another window spread next to it.

Behind the den was two arch ways one on the right leading to a medium, modern kitchen and the one on the left reaching the dining room which was hung with refined landscapes and more oak furniture (one being the dining table). Though instead of a normal wall, it was made from clear glass which lead outside onto a wooden balcony with a few deck chairs gazing out onto our lush, small, garden meadows crowded with perfuming with a dainty array of bursting color's that kept you gazing into distant memories that seemed though you could step back in and resurface to what seemed easier than what exploited you now…

If you then traced back to the staircase, up them you would find an L-shaped corridor with Maman et Papa's room at the end of the hallway with (like all bedrooms) had a small on suit and next to it sat Papa's work office filled with many organized draws and contracts, stacked in a knowable order. The closest room to the staircase was my room and sandwiched in between the two rooms on the corner was a spare room (mostly where John stayed during the holiday's).

Though after we heard the almost unheard click of the pins falling into place as we turned the key, we took a step onto the pure white porch out of the spine-chilling cold that pricked our skin. John fidgeted comfortably around my chest bringing a subtly small smile and red tone to my tanned skin.

He was so adorable.

"Gil, put him on the sofa." Papa sighed leaving the keys to sprinkle over another dark oak cabinet. He let his head fall in his hands and took many deep breaths.

He didn't really know Henry Laurens- heck- Johns father _despised_ our family! Most likely because Papa beat him for the senate seat just under six months ago. Plus, that man doesn't exactly have _morally correct_ views… Take for instance, in his eyes being a sexuality other than straight or being a religion other than Christian meant you were a _'lesser'._ But what mainly ticked him off was that someone _black_ was now the senate of Virginia.

George was a very calm man on all accounts and didn't _despise_ Henry, but didn't exactly like him either…

"Yes Papa…" I finally said releasing Johns warmth from my own. Aaron and Herc took a seat next to the sleeping boy, wrapping a blanket around him. But I just stood…

Perplexed in thought…

Martha appeared next. Her posture showed her being calm and collected. Though if you trailed up to her eyes you could see the raging concern and worry boil behind her too, dark eyes.

It was always the eyes…

"George! Gil!" She picked up her pace to throw her arms around me and her husband- me not realizing how close we stood. "Are you okay?" She voiced, the question directed at me.

"I'm fine Maman. Just shocked is all… John's the one we need to worry about…"

As soon as I spoke the first letter of his name, she had almost twisted her head around to look at the boy asleep in a mountain of blankets. What she did next was such a _'Martha-thing-to-do'_. She walked to the white sofa and placed her hand over the top of his hair and seemed to just look down at him and pull a small sympathetic smile to her face. Whenever she did this sort of thing, it seemed as if she could feel and see everything they did… I _know_ because she did this a lot when I had first moved in with them. I was _very_ hesitant- a scared mouse. I was in a new country, with new people and a new language… Until I met John that is… Best friends until… Well… Until I started to see a lot more in him… To be honest I don't remember developing feelings until half way through Freshman year. Most people expect a story like he saved my life or we shared a smoothie against a burning sunset on a river bank near a twinkling pond with a dainty breeze gently brushing away our wisps of hair. But… no… It was nothing like that… No dramatic scene. No romantic setting. It was simply a one night sleepover… Though one like no other…

 _"_ _Will you keep your voice down?" I had laughed in a loud sort of whisper. The room was almost pitch black with the acceptation of the buzzing Netflix show and the light of my digital clock reading:_

 ** _00:37_**

 _But he didn't seem to care. He never seemed to care back then. His mother was alive and his father was happy. In his Dad's eyes, he was straight and a perfect son. Not like the way he viewed him today…_

 _"_ _Why?" He had replied still laughing. Even now I can't exactly recall what we were laughing over. But knowing John, it was most likely one of his silly antics._

 _"Err… Maybe because people are trying to sleep?!" I chuckled with a mock of annoyance in my tone which still couldn't push down the smile drowning out anything else._

 _"_ _Fine!" He rolled his eyes but let the large goofy grin sneak back and infect his face. "But you will have to face the consequences_ ** _mon amour_** _…"_

 ** _My love._**

 _He said obviously joking with the 'romantic' nickname._

 _"_ _Oh?" I had said getting closer to his face in an almost challenging way. "And what might that be_ ** _ma douce_** _?_ _"_

 ** _My sweet._**

 _He chuckled again realising the name I had labelled him as._

 _"_ _ **That**_ _game." He smirked._

 _"_ _Ah…_ _ **That**_ _game… Heh… In. Your. Dreams."_

 _"_ _Ah yes… Only in my best…" Despite the raging dark bouncing between every corner of the room, I could tell he was wiggling his eyebrows obviously mocking the flirts. It was something we always did. I'm not really sure where the joke came from, but we were_ _ **always**_ _sending meaningless flirts to one another- and everybody knew it was all for jokes sake… Most of the time… "But surly you can't resist a kiss from your prince?" His face inches away from my own._

 _"_ _Oh? I'm sure I can manage!" This time I had shoved him back but he grabbed a tight grip to my waist… Making me tumble on top of his own defenceless body._

 _This is why I said it was like no other…_

 _It was just simply a fall. A fall that knocked some sense into me. As I plummeted to the soft sheets of my bed, something managed to make everything tick by an hour slower. It seemed as if my mind was a soccer goal, catching every memory as it rocketed past my eyes, flashing happy, delicate scenes by my eyelids… And then his…_

 _It was always the eyes…_

 _His own seemed to spark in a small click though I could have mistaken it for the flash in my own… Instantly my heart rate increased while it fluttered like a caged butterfly in a twisted mess behind the barriers of my rib cage… And for the first time ever… I didn't have to question a single emotion… It all seemed to fit together… Like a missing puzzle piece that had been lost for years… But as soon as my heart had fitted that piece together I was snapped back to what was really happening around me…_

 _I was_ _ **on top**_ _of John…_

 _Though despite the raging need to run away that stewed inside the bottomless pit I can now call a stomach, I just stayed there… And we locked eyes for a very long time…_

 _His with happiness… Mine with something completely unexpected…_

As soon as I spoke the first letter of his name, she had almost twisted her head around to look at the boy asleep in a mountain of blankets. What she did next was such a _'Martha-thing-to-do'_. She walked to the white sofa and placed her hand over the top of his hair and seemed to just look down at him and pull a small sympathetic smile to her face. Though what she did next was unpredicted…

"G…George…" She stuttered a little hesitant in her choice of words. "Can we talk about this…"

"Of course…" He replied bringing his head up to look at me telling me to stay put. Nothing was _ever_ a secret in this family. So that's why it took me off guard for a second.

"That's fine." I made out turning back to John. They nodded and walked towards the dining room.

Aaron and Herc both shuffled to make a space for me to sit (though I wouldn't be surprised if it was out of discomfort either). But I took up the offer and sat, sandwiched between Herc and John.

Herc was all muscle, but the rest of us were still strong, but in a slimmer build.

"Do you think we should head back home?" Herc questioned sending a crack through the silence. "It's almost ten…"

"Non mon amie, exactly. It's ten. It's late. I'm sure John would feel better if he wakes up to all three of us. Besides, I'm sure George and Martha wouldn't mind."

"Okay then…" Herc replied a little hesitant. "Sure…"

Despite the tentative, soundless echo I reached out for the blankets folded into a neat, singular pile and draped them over the top of each of our restless bodies. Just like we had rehearsed it many times, Herc reached for the remote and Aaron switched off the light, all of us just watching the images flash disappear from the screen as quickly as they came, John still snuggling up unconsciously as if he was awake too…

 **(Martha's POV)**

As soon as he had spoke the first letter of Johns name, I had almost twisted my head around to look at the boy asleep in a mountain of blankets. What I did next was something Gil would have called, _'such-a-Martha-thing-to-do'_. But I couldn't help it… I walked to the white sofa and placed my hand over the top of Johns hair and seemed to just look down at him and pull a small sympathetic smile to my face. Though what I did next was unpredicted…

"G…George…" I stuttered a little hesitant in my choice of words. "Can we talk about this…"

"Of course…" My tall husband replied without delay and brought his head up to look at Gil, telling him to stay put. Nothing was _ever_ a secret in this family. So I couldn't deny the guilt clouding my rational state of mind.

"That's fine." Gil said turning back to John. We both nodded and walked towards the tall oak archway that lead to the glass-walled window room. In this room, there was no doors so we had to make do with hiding at the room with our voices kept to a low minimum.

"George…" I started in a low meaningful tone. "What did you do about John?"

"I… err… I signed a form to say we were eligible to take him into our care…" For once in what seemed like a lifetime (a side I don't think I had ever seen to him before) resurfaced as he shied away.

"That's fine, Honey." I pushed out to stroke his blazer-covered arm. "We can still look after him"

He said nothing but just smiled a smile that never reached his eyes…

It was always the eyes…

"You know he is going to question why John can't stay in the spare room, right?" By 'him' I meant Gil.

"Yes but… I know we were meant to tell him tonight, though is it still a good time?"

My eyes trailed along the picture hung walls to the room where all four boys cozied up tight underneath the fluffy blankets watching a show I couldn't give to a name. Each one of them leant against one another. Even Gil managed to drape his tanned arms around Johns limp body… Those two really were inseparable…

"We've kept it from him for too long…" I started, still observing the four teens lit up by the buzz of the TV screen. "We have to tell him tomorrow…"

He waited for a second. "Okay. Tomorrow…"

I gave him a slight smile. This wouldn't be easy… All I could make out was a simple but meaningful,

"I love you."

I could feel the warmth of his breath gently tickle the surface of my cheeks making my smile brighten.

"I love you too."

That same warmth softly transferred to my fore head as his lips pressed against my own darkened skin. "I-"

"Maman!" Gil's urgent voice cut off through the air of the dining hall. "John's awake!"

And just like that, our speed picked up towards the room which sat the boy, whose life had not only been changed for eternity but paralyzed for the future…

 **Authors Note:** **I was meant to get this chapter out on Monday but I fell behind :(**

 **My parents are thinking of restricting my writing time because they're worried about how much time I spend on it xD**

 **I admit, this is not one of best chapters but I'm not sure how I could have edited it… It was the longest chapter too! I'm sorry if it bored you :(**

 **The next chapter will be quite emotional and deep (hopefully).**

 **AND I was asked by a Guest when I usually update well I can say I don't like to give dates because it's too much pressure. So I will say maybe once a week? Or if I'm pushing it, once every two weeks? I honestly don't know…**

 **Well, all I'm gonna say iiiisssss…**

 **PLEASE LEAVE A CONSTRUCTIVE REVIEW!**

 **(And P.S THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT!)**

 **Yeah well… I'll update soon!**

 **-L.E-Rae _x_**


	4. Chapter 4- Twenty Four Hours

**_I gave him a slight smile. This wouldn't be easy… All I could make out was a simple but meaningful,_**

 ** _"_** ** _I love you."_**

 ** _I could feel the warmth of his breath gently tickle the surface of my cheeks making my smile brighten._**

 ** _"_** ** _I love you too."_**

 ** _That same warmth softly transferred to my fore head as his lips pressed against my own darkened skin. "I-"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Maman!" Gil's urgent voice cut off through the air of the dining hall. "John's awake!"_**

 ** _And just like that, our speed picked up towards the room which sat the boy, whose life had not only been changed for eternity but paralyzed for the future…_**

 **Chapter 4- Twenty-Four Hours**

 **(John's POV)**

Sleep was strange. The time seems to skip by as if it was never there in the first place… Though it appears you are sent to another world to live a life that wasn't yours to keep… However, sometimes it can be even _stranger_ … You were awake… but couldn't move… Your eyes were closed… but you could see it all… You were numb… but you could feel everything… And despite all this, he only words you could make out was your own name… Everything else was blurred into a clouded mess of meaningless mumbles that you are too weak to even try and decipher…

I _hated_ it…

Although as I said before, you could still feel despite your numbness and I felt warmth. Though most likely a warmth I wanted to escape… It was more like a burning sensation if I was honest… I could feel every pin-prick stab at each cell causing it to swell and throb in an odd drumming cycle…

But then cold…

By cold, I didn't mean _cold_. I meant a cooling, comfort filled warmth deep with swirling emotions on a soft, levitating cloud. Something had drifted me away from that hell though I still couldn't move… I didn't want to move. I liked it here. Everything was peaceful against a slow hum that seemed to emerge from below me. But time ticks too quickly when you've been kidnapped by sleep.

Without warning an eye-penetrating light blinded passed my retina's and it seemed to burn through all of my insides. I had to blink away some of the brightness for a few moments until I realized… It wasn't bright at all…

It was dark…

It was night…

It was warm…

It was comforting…

It wasn't where I fell asleep…

Where did I fall asleep?

There was a park… A light… A… A fire… My Dad… The house… My friends… The gravel… Th… That… boy…

"M…an!" I heard a French accent voice call… I knew it but I couldn't think of a name. "John's ...ake!"

 _Huh?_

Being awake was very strange too… Time seemed to drag by as if the whole universe weighed down on it. You know this is real and everything seems to crush you leaving an after math a hundred times worse than the world that engraved in darkness. But this time, it was even _stranger_ …

My eyes were open… but I could barely see… I was paralyzed… but my limbs were alive… Alive and thrashing vigorously against soft fabric draped around me. It was a cage, restraining every movement I tried to throw back. My eyes stapled shut and ignored every message to open… They liked the dark… The opposite of light… The opposite of _fire_ … _flames_ …

"John! C…m …own! John! John! John! John!" Called the French voice that penetrated against my ear-drum…

 _John…_

 _John…_

 _John…_

I hated that word now.

My arms crumpled around my legs and I braced myself. For what? I don't know…

"John…" I wish this guy would stop saying that word.

"Please… Stop saying that…" I spoke in a hoarse, cracked voice.

"Joh-" He cut off. "I mean, it's me… Lafayette."

 _Finally! I can actually hear now!_

My eyes still refused to obey my internal shrieks for them to open.

 _Laurens! Open it up! It's Laf! Your safe! There's no fire!_ I pleaded to myself.

But it wasn't until I felt some warm hands clasp around my own, I finally gave in. Slowly with caution, I looked up to see Laf crouched down next to me with Herc and Aaron stood just a few steps behind him. George and Martha had their fingers entwined clenching with worry and sympathy etched in their eyes…

It was always the eyes…

 _So I was in the Washington's house…_

"John…" Martha started, clenching her husband's hand tighter. "Are you okay? You don't have to worry anymore…" It's okay… You're safe…"

How did Martha do it? She had that ability to touch and wrap you up in a blanket of complete kindness. And somehow, despite the tense stream running throughout my blood, I managed to slightly loosen up.

"I…I…" I didn't know what to say I wasn't okay- period. But I didn't want pity from these people. So I just sat there. My eyes trailing from any line of sight down to the cuff on my denim jacket.

"C'est d'accord." Laf spoke almost silently. I needed answers though the words were lodged painfully in the back of my throat.

"You don't have to talk right now if you don't want to." Martha blessed again.

"Th… Thank you…" I stuttered still looking at the edge of my sleeve.

"You boys can stay don here if you want… I will call your parents and have them call the school to ask for a few days off." George spoke. I didn't need to look at him to tell he was already reaching for his mobile.

"Th… Thank you…" I stuttered again. It seemed that's all I could muster from my hoarse throat.

"George and I will be upstairs. Settle down and get some rest." Martha said before turning herself to the oak banisters.

"Don't worry Maman. We will."

"She simply nodded a sympathetic smile and lightly stepped up the stair case with George tightly next to her as they cleared out of lined sight.

The silence was mutual, bouncing in a lively stream between corners of the room. Laf still hadn't let go of my hand and the other two didn't drop their gaze.

"I think we should all go lie down." Laf said standing up and reaching his hand up to offer back down to me. With a few hesitant twitches, I accepted and eventually weighted myself on unevenly balanced legs. We stood for a moment- not a movement… Until everyone ran together into massive hug. The tension was too much and this was the perfect way to break it. It was warm. The _nice_ kind of warmth. In my friends arms I felt safe, loved… _wanted_ … This was the best part of the waking world. No consequences for doing something that pleases you. Nothing to drive you away. Just simply a tight, loving hug that everybody needed.

"I think we should all head to sleep… It's been a long day…" Usually after Aaron would say something like that, we would all start laughing but now wasn't the place. It was a silent happiness that lingered and could be only seen if you looked deep into another's eyes…

It was always the eyes…

"Sounds good." I replied, still only catching my breaths on small words.

The blankets were so soft and the sofa was still warm from where we lay a few minutes ago. In the Washington's living room, there were two couches. Aaron and Herc shared the one on the right, I shared one with Laf on the left. As they chose the film, I wasn't really paying attention… In all fairness, I didn't particularly _care_. I just agreed to something everyone else wanted and went along with it. From what I had picked up, it was something about a man trapped on Mars alone… I think we may have went to see it at the movies sometime but I couldn't remember… I never usually payed attention to this stuff. I saw it as an opportunity to hang out with friends and mock the film after so the actual storyline slipped past me quite quickly.

Half way through the film my eyes refused to close (the opposite of what they did earlier). Herc and Aaron had given in to sleep about ten minutes ago. Their breaths were deep and heavy so I didn't need to really look over to confirm my conclusion.

In the dining room, the great grand-father clock swung in a noisy repetitive tone gradually blocking out the buzz of noise on the TV screen. Laf was still awake though and ever so slowly, I started to pick up on the motion that we gently moved closer to each other. At this point our shoulders were inches apart so I closed the distance. His build was made up of firm muscle yet soft, tender skin. He was definitely tall, skinny and brawny in every way. Though I could feel him tense and relax at every motion I placed toward him. I could feel the restraint in his arm as he tentatively stretched around my shoulder. Though I was screaming at myself to stop doing what I was doing… I leaned my head upon his shoulder. With only a moment's hesitation his own fell on top of mine and we sat like that for what seemed like a lifetime. A very _good_ life time.

Nothing was said between us. No looks either.

Ever so slowly sleep crawled upon me bringing the large blanket of midnight stars over me. It felt so peaceful at the time though… It rocketed me into I dream I didn't want to remember…

Sharp breaths seeped in though my lungs along with a blinding light pursing through my squinted pupils. My rib cage raised and fell at a quick pace making each breath a deep and dry along with a sharp stab to add to the shock. The blinds were still closed yet the suns rising light still dribbled in through the uncovered gaps in the material.

The time skipped again. It seemed that it was just a blink… As if it never happened in the first place…

There was a slight shuffle beside me. _Laf…_ Subtle but not subtle enough to leave unnoticed… Especially in the consideration on how close we were…

My back was against his chest… His hands wrapped around my ribs… Loosely though… Loose enough for me to slip away without a head to turn. Still, I took it with precaution…

My feet were bare and shivered in contact with the hard-oak flooring (almost more shocking than freezing water on your face in the mornings). Even the small clicks of tired couldn't shake away my need for sleep. Which brought on to the question.

 _What time is it?_

But all the loud shudders of the grand-father clock told me that in a shock wave. Six chimes. Six o'clock.

I gave out a sigh of disappointment I hadn't got enough sleep at all. Though that was understandable. The dream that haunted my sleeping thoughts last night wasn't healthy to carry on with much longer… I really hoped these _'dreams'_ weren't permanent…

Laf, Aaron and Herc were fast off, they probably weren't going to be awake for around three hours- minimum. I started a weak pace towards the kitchen like I had done many times before. Whenever all four of us has had a sleepover, I was always the first awake. George and Martha usually followed at around seven (when they had the day off) but whenever they _were_ at work, they were usually up before me or at around the same time… This was one of these days…

As I heard the kettle whistle, I could also hear the almost soundless, tentative steps up stairs-doubled. I didn't flinch, I simply got out two extra cups and waited for them to come down. George had a strong, black coffee, Martha usually had a mint tea first thing and I (surprisingly) just had a regular tea. I practically knew each order off by heart as we all (me, Martha and George) had conversations during the mornings though it seemed that there wouldn't be much gossiping this time…

As if on cue with me pouring out the last of the boiled water, the two appeared in the doorway both in a dressing gown- George in slacks and Martha in some pajama bottoms along with a silk night top. Today was a Tuesday, so George was at the office early. Martha however, brought her work home with her and only ever went out if she was at court (which usually took up a whole afternoon) or she had to go to her office for meetings as it only usually took two hours- max.

I smiled a little anxiously at the two and gestured to the drinks but I don't think they picked up on my nerves…

"Thank you, John." Martha said taking and sipping the cup gently, "You really do make the best mint tea."

"Hey!" George laughed taking a gulp of the coffee a little too quickly.

I just laughed. This one pure and real.

"Shall we sit down?" George suggested and we all made our way to the oak table that gazed onto the radiant, sun risen lawn. George took out a newspaper and Martha found a book on the oak book case that sat perfectly near the windowed wall. I just sat in the comfortable silence every now and then glancing up at the two who were busy in their own activities. My main gaze however, was at the large windowed wall. The bright dawning light made the morning dew glisten in a dainty way against the cool, crisp sunrise.

Their garden was stunning.

"So," George started, putting down the newspaper as he spoke, "I need to get ready."

"That's fine." Martha said with a smile that matched the description of the garden beautifully. "I'll make breakfast for John and I. You… You are going to have something to eat, right?"

"He smiled back, "Yes. I'll grab something at the café down from the office."

"Good."

They hugged then George headed up the stairs to get in his usual suit for work. Again, like it always did, that damn clock rang again signaling the arrival of **_06:30_** , though it also startled me and I let out a small scream before I clasped a hand to my mouth. It wasn't like I'd never heard that chime before… To be honest, I had heard it a million times over. But god knows why I had to jump like a total wuss at a stupid clock… _A_ _ **clock**_ _!_

Martha picked up on my discomfort- again- though my embarrassed cheeks didn't help cover in up either.

"Don't worry." She spoke in a voice of silk. "Mary does that to a lot of people."

"Mary?" I questioned.

"The clock. George's mother bought us it as a wedding present. She said that we could only keep it if we named it after her though. So we've always called her that. Plus, we couldn't risk losing her, not after all the effort his parents went through to buy it for us _and_ somehow wrapping it up without a tear in the paper." She laughed to herself and it brightened my own lingering smile. Her and George was one of the best relationships I had ever seen. There wasn't _any_ weak point to it. They both shared all the same personality traits: friendly: loyal: intelligent: kind: caring: optimistic (yet always logically): and stern- when they wanted to be. The only difference I can think of is that George can be angered more easily than that of Martha. Though has only ever been angry at someone from his work but Martha calmed him down almost instantly. The two were like oxygen to each other and I don't think they could ever live apart.

"George's mother sounds…" I said trailing to try and find the right word.

"Crazy. Fun." Martha finished for me, "Yes, definitely! On her first visit to our house, she decided to rearrange the whole living room! We had to try and stop her from reorganizing the kitchen cupboards as well!"

Again, we both laughed. I loved these types of conversations I shared with Laf's parents. It was like they were my family after my mom passed away. Don't get me wrong, I do still love my father despite all the wrong he's done to me. I could never hate him I don't think, but Martha was always such a mother figure towards me- same with George as a father. But I could never really think Laf as a brother… I mean, if you were to describe our tight friendship as brothers- then yeah, I would say that. But not in the way I looked up to his parents… it was just… different… And the feelings I was starting to develop towards him now, wasn't making the 'brother' title any more desirable…

"Now," Martha said with a tinge a laughter still inhabited in her tone, "what would you like to eat?"

"Erm… W-Would toast be okay?" I stuttered a little nervous. Even though I knew the Washington's for years, I still never really liked asking for food. It was stupid I know, I just always found it ill-mannered to even accept it sometimes… Which was silly because if someone asked me for something to eat I wouldn't think it wrong. Also when I got a slightly larger plate of food, my eyes couldn't help but dart around to see if anyone was watching me…

 _It was always the eyes…_

Another one of my insecurity's, I guess…

"Would you like me to make scrambled eggs on toast?" She smiled a smile to say that it was okay, though I still couldn't help my stutter…

"Erm… Y-Yes please… Only if it's okay though…"

 _Dammit Laurens!_

She smiled and walked towards the kitchen while placing the book she had been reading into the same position on the shelf - I couldn't get a glance at the title.

During the wait, I reluctantly got out my phone to look at my Instagram. My finger kept scrolling and liking each post that seemed interesting but it wasn't until I reached peoples Stories that my heart began to stop…

 ** _"_** ** _OMG! Can u believe what happened 2 the Laurens house last night! Poor John… #FireAtTheLaurensHouse"_**

 ** _"_** ** _OML! OML! OML! OML! DM me if u know where John is! #FireAtTheLaurensHouse"_**

 ** _"_** ** _ARRRGGG! OMAG! CAN U BELIEVE THE FIRE AT LAURENS'S HOUSE! #CantBelieveIt #FireAtTheLaurensHouse"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Just heard about the fire! PLZ someone DM me if u know anythin bout it! #FireAtTheLaurensHouse"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Does any1 know if John's ok?! #FireAtTheLaurensHouse"_**

It was all over Snapchat too… And I could only presume it was posted on Facebook and Twitter also… I mean it was a Hashtag!

 **A freaking HASHTAG!**

It was practically fire to my own eyes- especially the pictures… The pictures from the news reports of my own weak body… All over social media… My own broken body… For my own eyes to see… It was completely different… It hurt more to see your own shattered being collapsed into your best friends' shaking arms…

 ** _#FireAtTheLaurensHouse…_**

 ** _#FireAtTheLaurensHouse…_**

 ** _#FireAtTheLaurensHouse…_**

 ** _#FireAtTheLaurensHouse…_**

 ** _#FireAtTheLaurensHouse…_**

 **#IKnowThereWasAFreakingFireAtTheLaurensHouse.**

I know there was a fire at my own house. My own life. My own memories. My own _family_ … I didn't need a reminder that my life had collapsed on top of me, as soon as I saw the first remanence of a flame… I didn't need a reminder that I was a blubbering mess… I didn't need a reminder that my life would never be the same… I didn't need a reminder that of the swathe of scalding embers that flooded my vision every time I blinked… Because **_I already knew! I already knew that!_**

With each tightening grip of my nails against my palms, my ribs began to crack. My throat felt as if it was collapsing in on itself as I scrunched up my face, I tried to push away the tears that sprang at my eyes.

I had to beat this…

I had to beat this…

 ** _I just couldn't calm down…_**

 ** _"_** ** _DAD!" I shrilled across the street, "DAD!"_**

I had to beat this…

I had to beat this…

 ** _I just couldn't cope…_**

 ** _It was almost blinding. The sirens… The crowd of shocked neighbours… The raging fire… The house…_**

 ** _The house that was_** ** _my house_** ** _…_**

I had to beat this…

I had to beat this…

 ** _"_** ** _Hello, Henry Laurens speaking." His blunt, gruff voice called through the other end of the line._**

 ** _"_** ** _It's John, father…"_**

I _had_ to beat this…

I _must_ beat this…

 ** _It was_** ** _that_** ** _boy…_**

I just _couldn't_ beat this…

"John? John! …re … …ay? John! John!"

 _Martha?_

"John! …an …u… he… …e?! John!" The sound of urgency in her voice was rich and fluent. But _dammit_! That damned word!

"Mamá…" That wasn't her voice… It was cracked and broken but it rang around in my head for a long time… Echoing around fluently… Making me deaf… It was as if- Oh.

 _Oh…_

 _It was hot… thick… sweltering… I could barely see the walls that were practically hitting me in the face along with the skin-splintering burns that were thrashed around me. Each cell in my skin started to swell, pop and blister within seconds… My coughs were so violent that it felt as if I was spluttering my own inner flesh back out with the smoke that stabbed at my lungs… There was no oxygen… No room left to move… Yet I still kept moving …_

 _Yells of my name were being hurtled my way like arrows off a bow, each with freshly sharpened tips… Yet I still kept moving …_

 _Planks of wood and mountains of plaster rained down on my heated face… Yet I still kept moving …_

 _The unbearable scent of the smoke that ruptured and screamed at my airways… Yet I still kept moving …_

 _The smoke not only clouded my lungs… but clouded my vision… my mind… my blood… It was harder to keep moving …_

 _My panicked shrieks as tight arms squeezed at my waist dragging me away from the room she was dying in… I couldn't keep moving…_

 _Another man from the fire brigade tried to run to the room that was almost blurred from my sight… But then it collapsed… Mountains of residue, wood, plaster, concreate, rubble came crashing down upon her…_

 _She stopped moving…_

"Mamá…" That wasn't her voice… It was cracked and broken but it rang around in my head for a long time… Echoing around fluently… Making me deaf… It was as if- Oh.

…

It was as if _I_ were saying them…

"Mamá…"

 _Dammit Laurens! Shut up!_

"Mamá…"

"M…á? Wha… …o …ou …ean? John!"

"Mamá…"

 _SHUT IT JOHN! SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!_

From what felt like hours of heavy breaths flood my lungs and vision- sight I could not see through- I was soon aware of my surroundings… My pale cheek was pressed tightly down to the floor with all my limbs sprawled out as well. Martha's soft touch was gently caressing the cheek that was facing towards the ceiling and George knelt down next to me in his work suit, tightly holding my hand.

I wanted to run… I wanted scream how sorry I was… But nothing other than shaky, uneven breaths escaped my dry mouth.

"John?" Martha asked hesitantly, unaware that I was internally pleading for my ears to process her next words. "Can you hear me?"

 _Yes! Yes! I can hear you! I'm sorry! I didn't mean for any of this! I'm not sure what's happening! I'm scared! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!_

All these thoughts came flooding through my senses, craving for the barricades holding back this dam to crumble away. But I couldn't even nod my head…

I could barely even blink…

My body only focussed on keeping my heart beating and my rebellious breaths under control.

"His breathings slowed. I think he's awake… He's just exhausted…" George said after some large swallows.

I couldn't help the heavy weight of my eyes. It was too much effort to keep looking up at their worried faces so my gaze fell down in a parallel line to their knees- my eyelids struggling to stay open.

"John…" Martha again. "Can you sit up?"

I wanted to sit up. I really did. I wanted to sit, then stand and then run away somewhere. _Anywhere_. Anywhere away from the horrific nightmare that swooned and crushed my life into many different aspects and pieces…

To my own astonishment as well as everyone else's, my legs started to twitch and gradually crawl into a ball- conjoining with my arms.

"I…" My voice cracked and breathy, "I can hear you…"

My eyes were still fixed on their knees as they pulled away their grip from me and shuffled backwards.

"John, do you think you could try and sit up?" Martha's silky tone said with a hint of sympathy.

 _Pity._ I spat in my mind.

If I were to try and sit up I wouldn't be able to speak or breathe. I needed to preserve my energy to move the dead, weighty limbs. So I did… My legs started to straighten tentatively making my limp arms drop to my side with a shudder echo throughout my numb being. My weight shifted to the hem of my right palm and I started to push upward. Many times, my body closed the distance between the floor and I, smashing electric and constant tremors along the perimeter of each bone my body contained. I could almost feel them pushing up through my skin with each jolt the oak planks threw at me… Though soon it was like I had broken the surface of the ocean and gasped for a breath that seeped in every gap my lungs provided. Yet I started to fall again but Martha and George's soft arms caught my fall where I fell limp. Using both of their strengths combined to lift me against a wall where my vision started to dance for a moment until it fuzzed back to reality.

"Can you still hear me John?" Martha's concerned voice spoke.

"Y…Yes…"

"Good, now do you remember your name?"

"Yes… J… John Laurens…"

"Do you remember how old you are?"

"F… Fifteen…"

"Do you know who we are?"

"Martha and George Washington…"

"Do you know where you are?"

"I'm in your dining room…"

She sighed in relief, "Good. That's good. Do you remember what happened?"

Yes. As clear as day. And that's the problem.

"Yeah…"

"Can you tell us what happened?"

"You went to make scrambled eggs and I started to look at my phone…"

"Uhuh, go on."

"W… when I looked at it… There were pictures of my house on social media… They created a tag _#FireAtTheLaurensHouse_ …"

"You're doing great John."

"I… I started to panic and I had a flashback of the night before and…" I couldn't finish my sentence…

"And?"

"And… A flashback to another time…"

I think she could tell I didn't want to talk about it and she was right... She just nodded her head and let me carry on.

"The next thing I know I was on the floor with you and George talking to me but I couldn't process anything other than _'John'_ …"

"Okay, do you remember anything else? Hitting you head or something like that?"

"N…no…"

"Okay." She said last. It was a small word, though it meant too much to explain…

"Do you think you could stand up if we helped you?" George asked gripping to my knee.

"I… I think so…"

His tall structure towered down over me and he let a long muscular hand reach down which I gladly took. The first few steps were quite uncertain and uneven before I got back to the grips of walking. Most of my weight was placed on George though his body didn't seem to care much.

We left the windowed room and towards the couches where my three friends still lay, sound asleep. I swear they wouldn't wake up even if we had a brass band in its top volume playing right next to their eardrums. My mind chuckled at the thought.

Aaron and Herc sprawled out across the right hand sofa so there wasn't much room for me to sit… Therefore, George helped me down to the space next to Lafayette.

"There you go, Son."

"Thank you."

He smiled before asking the next question as if something else was burning the back of his mind, "Do you want some water?"

"Yes please…" I whispered, aware of the other boys around me dropping my gaze from his, "That would be nice…"

He then got up and made his way to the kitchen until Martha stopped him pointing to the leather, buckled watch wrapped around his wrist. I could tell by the way his jaw dropped as he tried to protest, but Martha had none of it.

"You need to go to work. I can stay here. I don't have to be at Court until Thursday morning."

"Okay." He said, bending down and planting a kiss to her forehead. "I'll be back at five."

"Good. Don't forget to grab something to eat." She said picking up his work briefcase which conveniently sat on the table next to them.

"I won't forget." He smiled planting down another kiss before taking his work case. As he walked by me to get to the porch, he flashed a warm smile at me which I weakly returned. I could hear his frustrated mumbles as he fiddled with the shoe lace on his polished black shoes though instead of calling out to say goodbye, he popped his head round the door and waved, not wanting to wake up the others.

Martha then headed to the kitchen to fill up a glass of water as I watched the silhouette of his land rover pull out of the drive leaving just one last car sitting motionless alone. Martha light footedly stepped through the lounge and handed me a water and taking a sip of her own. We sat in silence for a while until I couldn't resist the question burning at the front of my mind.

"How long was I out for?"

She seemed a little taken back until it must have clicked what I meant. "About twenty minutes." She whispered.

"Do you… Could you tell me what happened?"

"Well, I remember I went to turn the stove on and then I heard a loud thud in the dining room. So I rushed over to see you on the floor. George must have heard it too because he came down just after I saw you. We tried to move you to the wall but you clung to the table so we had to leave you. We kept trying to talk to you but I don't think you could hear us. But then you started to mumble the word, _'_ _Mamá_ _'_ a lot. I'm not sure what happened there, but I presume it was to do with your flashbacks?"

I looked away trying to hide my expression that said it all… Though I don't think she was buying it…

"Well, you then started to slowly come out of it and I think you remember the rest…"

Yes, I most certainly did.

"Yeah…"

We sat in silence again, the quiet constantly ringing at our ears. The others slow breaths filled the gaps too, along with each individual sip we occasionally took. Even the birds' morning songs were heard through the thick, brick walls- not that I minded. Their tunes were… calming… beautiful… peaceful… Something soothing other than the Washington's for once- not that I wasn't grateful for their help, far from it.

"Ah yes," Martha whispered getting up, "Gil brought home your school bag if you want it?"

"Yes please…" I whispered back.

She smiled again and walked back through to the dining room soon returning with my bag and (in her other hand) my phone which I must have dropped during my panic.

"Thank you." I softly spoke, taking my belongings out of her hands. As soon as the cold metal reached the skin of my hand, I didn't even think twice before turning it completely off and placing it at the bottom of my bag. I didn't need that electric metal messing my life up any more than it already was.

"That's okay," She spoke, still not sitting down next to me, "but I need to start on some work if that's alright. You can put on the TV or read a book if you want. Just try and rest. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours and you've already been through too much. I'll be in the dining room if you need me." She started to walk towards the left arch way but I had to ask another scolding question, didn't I?

"Martha… Can I ask… What's going to happen to me?"

Her eyes turned to a completely sympathetic look that spoke all…

It was always the eyes…

"Well, for now you are in our care until your Father makes a better recovery or we talk to someone else you feel comfortable with. Like your brother from England."

I nodded. At least I was protected from my Uncle… wait…

"What about my siblings? What's going to happen to them?"

"Were they not in the fire?"

"… No… They were at my Uncles for the night…"

"Good… Well I don't know for certain, but I presume they'll stay with your Uncle then… He… He is alright with them isn't he?"

"Yes. My Uncle would take his own life to protect them just…" I stopped to catch my breath… "Just not me…"

"I… I see… Well, I'm going to call the school to ask for you to have until Monday off… Gil can stay with you today and tomorrow if you'd like?"

"That would be nice, thank you…"

"Good. Aaron and Hercules's parents also know about them staying here. They will have today and tomorrow off too."

"Thank you."

"Sorry to keep babbling on but also the Police may come round today or tomorrow to talk to us all about what's going on… They will need to interview you as well and ask some questions about your Uncle and other family, if that's alright with you?"

"That's fine, and, thank you…"

Her silky, soft smile shone again, "That's okay, just rest now okay?"

"Okay."

She turned away but then looked back at me again, "Also, when Gil's awake, can you tell him to see me please…"

 _What? That wasn't something Martha would say. She would never be so vague._

"I will."

With that she walked over to the dining room, grabbing some papers and pens along the way. Then it was just me. The only awake person in the room. Lost in a maze of thoughts. I sat there for a while just counting the ticks of the grand-father clock- Mary.

The bag on my lap gazed at me for a moment before I peered inside… Counting and naming the things that only just occurred to me… They were the only things I had left other than memories… My school note books, text books, my pencil case, my sketch pad, sketching pencils, some of my best drawings, headphones, a couple of folders, hair brush, laptop, chargers, my wallet, a reading book, my phone and my diary… The only things I had left…

With each thing, I picked up and scanned it trying to recall anything that could help me turn back time (skipping past my phone obviously). But then, the last thing I picked up might had held that key… My diary…

I couldn't help but open the lock with the special code:

 ** _1776_**

I looked to the first page- my first entry…

 ** _Dear Diary,_**

 ** _My life is over. Why couldn't I just keep my fat gob shut!_**

 ** _*sigh* My father didn't need to know this… Especially after Mom passed two months ago… It really wasn't the best time…_**

 ** _I told my father I'm gay. Yeah… I know… I told my racist, Christian-obsessed, homophobic Father that I'm gay._**

 ** _Well done John! You really did it this time! -_-_**

 ** _He was so mad… No not just mad… Disappointed… Ashamed… He looked at me like I was dirt on the bottom of his shoe… Worthless…_**

 ** _Is it true? My own Father called me these things… Even if he was over emphasizing it… An emphasis always comes from truth… Right?_**

 ** _Damn you John!_**

 ** _DAMN YOU!_**

 ** _-John Laurens_**

My stomach dropped, no tears because they were already waisted that night… My fingers scanned through more pages for a long time… This book had lasted me over two years now… It had got me through everything… The good… Mainly the bad… But all the biggest points in my life after my Mom's… passing…

My fingers eventually reached a blank page… That page was calling to be written over, each line wanting to be scribbled over in an ink. So I lived to its wishes…

 ** _Dear Diary,_**

 ** _Time is a crazy thing. Yesterday I woke up in my house not expecting anything worse than a start of year test or a long ass essay to be completed for the next day… But today I woke up cradled next to Laf in the Washington's house… Without my own house standing anymore…_**

 ** _Let me tell you what happened…_**

 ** _I woke up yesterday morning and went to school- nothing new there. I met Laf, Herc and Aaron at the Ivy Tree Wall (like we usually do) and went to get our years' timetables. Good timetable I won't lie…_**

 ** _But then I saw something strange… A new kid… But he wasn't just any new kid he was pale, skinny and VERY skittish… I mean, I looked at him and he ran away! I was in French and History with him too._**

 ** _Anyway, I got to lunch (and by the way, I forgot to have breakfast that morning) and had a big lunch. Herc went out with his mom for lunch (not like that was something new). Well I suggested we all go out after school and so I had to ring my dad…_**

 ** _Well let's say… It didn't go too well… I mean 'sending-me-into-a-bad-mood-all-afternoon' sort of didn't go too well…_**

 ** _Anyway, after school we all went Ice Skating, grabbed a coffee and went to the park…_**

 ** _In the moment, it was the best day of my life as we gazed up into the night's sky. But then something weird happened… Laf grabbed my hand… And I got flustered… I mean…_**

 ** _FLUSTERED?!_**

 ** _And by LAF of all people…_**

 ** _But we had to go home so we set off down the road and got to my house first… And well… What WAS my house…_**

 ** _It was up in flames…_**

 ** _My dad was in there…_**

 ** _My siblings were at my Uncles…_**

 ** _THAT boy stood and watched…_**

 ** _The news team reported everything…_**

 ** _Everyone on social media knows what happened…_**

 ** _I am now staying at the Washington's…_**

 ** _I fell asleep in Laf's embrace…_**

 ** _I had two panic attacks already…_**

 ** _…_**

 ** _My whole world has turned upside down and eaten me alive in less that twenty-four hours…_**

 ** _THAT is what I mean by, 'Time is a crazy thing'…_**

 ** _I haven't gone into much detail in this I know, but to be honest…_**

 ** _It was that life shattering, that I could probably relive the moment in HD when I'm eighty-three with Dementia…_**

 ** _My life is a mess…_**

 ** _-John Laurens_**

I slammed the book shut restraining the tears from spilling over and (thankfully) winning. The lock snapped into place with a satisfying _click_ as I mixed up the numbers into a scattered mess of digits. My bag was refilled with my now called 'treasures' and I sat it against my lap as I clutched it tight. All of a sudden, a blanket of needed sleep washed over my features my eyes so I snuggled into a ball on the other side of the sofa. The last thing I remembered was a singular, silent tear roll down my face carrying a lot more than just water out with it…

 **(Lafayette's POV)**

It was a sudden jolt to my side that jarred me awake so fast I almost strained my back. Aaron and Herc were fast off and to what it seemed, John was too. Except in a more _active_ way… He was probably having a bad dream and who could blame him? It was less than twenty-four hours ago that his whole life was ripped apart and I had seen it in the front row…

His slim figure had curled in a tight ball towards the end of the sofa with his bag pressed firmly against his chest. Every now and then he would wince and give a slight kick before letting a few stray tears stroll down his face. Hesitantly, I crawled to the other end of the sofa we shared and wrapped an arm around him. I closed my eyes to embrace the moment and he melted into it as well. His thrashing stopped- same with the small sobs- and he (after sometime) started to wake up.

"Mornin' sunshine! You even awake yet?" I chuckled lightly looking down upon his squinted, tired eyes.

"Don't fret, I'm awake sweet heart…" He laughed back snuggling even more into me.

"Are you alright?" I asked, keeping my voice to a whisper.

"Do you want the truth?"

"Yeah."

"Then, no. Far from it."

I sighed. "You were having a pretty bad dream back there."

He sighed back. "Yeah, I think I'm going to have to get use to them…"

"You always have me you know."

"Yeah… I know… And you have me too."

"I don't think I'm the one who needs support here…"

"I know but, you never know when you're going to hit a brick wall…"

I think that hit me harder than it should. It was true. That was the painful bit. None of us new that this would happen. None of us saw it coming.

"Don't talk like that." I managed to get out.

"I know it's hard to accept, but it is true…"

"Yeah well it's true that one day the world will end. But that hasn't happened yet."

" _Yet_."

Silence.

"What time is it?" I changed the subject.

"Erm… I don't know… Do you have your phone?"

"Oui…" I said reaching to back pocket. "11:37…"

"11:37?!"

"Well, it's now 11:38…" I joked, causing him let out a small laugh.

"Oh yeah." He started, remembrance in his tone. "Martha wanted to talk to you when you were awake."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought too-"

"No, I mean you were awake before?"

"Y… Yeah I got up at around six, sat with George and Martha for a while and then… then went back to sleep at eight-ish."

In his voice the hesitation suggested he was holding off on something… But I didn't want to pry, so I let him carry on.

"D'accord…" I said getting up and clicking my limbs. I left his warmth behind me and walked towards the window walled room where Martha sat jotting down notes faster than the speed of light.

"Ah Gil," She started cheerfully, "I see you're awake…"

"Nope I'm sleep-walking!" I said spinning around and making jazz-hands. She laughed along with me at the end of my performance. I never said it in a 'rude-sarcastic-way' and she and George both knew that.

"So," I started with the remanence of the laugh still tinging my tone, "John said you wanted to talk to me… What is it all about?"

Her mouth widened to say something but was soon cut off by the front door opening with the pitter-patter of keys chiming as the person dropped them in the tray. That person could only be _one_ person…

"George?" Martha said with quite puzzled look on her face (not like mine was any different).

"Hi Honey." The guessed man said with a smile on his lips. Martha ran to her husband and tightly embraced him in a hug- me just watching the exchange.

"Why are you home so early?" She questioned.

"The Office didn't really need much of me today so I got half the day off!" He chuckled a little over-joyed. Martha turned back around to look at me and gave a glance with eye contact back to George. Both of their expressions changed within a split second.

"I'm guessing you were going to…" He let his voice trail off.

"Yeah…" She replied. "I thought it would have been best to get it done sooner rather than later…"

"I can get that…"

"Erm…" I said, obviously lost at this point. "What are you on about?"

George sighed. "Gil… I think it's best if we sit down…"

Okay… This was definitely strange… Though I showed no resistance towards it and did as was said…

"So…" I said completely hooked. "why are you acting so strange?"

They both exchanged glances before Martha spoke again.

"We were going to tell you last night Gil but when we found out about John, we didn't think it was the right time…"

"We have also tried to tell you other times before but something had always got in the way…"

They both looked at each other cowardly as if they held a bucket of guilt on their shoulders…

"What is it? You've officially got me hooked!" I tried to add humor to the situation.

Both of them just gave a few nods I guess to decide who was going to speak. And Martha spoke…

Her words were few… but they meant so much… How did they manage to keep something like this from me for _so_ long? Why were they so worried? Why the hell did the Universe decide for them to tell me _now_? Now while John was staying with us? All this information burst through my blood stream, swimming like a new type of adrenaline. My eyes widened so far I thought they may permanently stretch my skin. My mind was fuzzed and I could barely comprehend _anything_ other than this…

 _The Universe has_ _ **really**_ _bad timing…_

 **Authors Note:** **I don't want to toot my own horn but… I'm proud of this Chapter!**

 **Word count: 7712!**

 **That's the longest Chapter I've EVER wrote!**

 **Anyway, let me get to thanking you for all the support you're giving this story! It does mean a lot! The reviews you drop on this Story make my day! Especially when I come back from a crap day at school!**

 **Yeah and sorry for the cliff hanger… What do you think it is? REVIEW DOWN BELOW! Again, can you try and leave constructive reviews? Thanks!**

 **I will try to get the next Chapter out soon! But the more reviews you leave, the quicker it will be out!**

 **-L.E-Rae _x_**


	5. Chapter 5- Three Rules of Survival

**Authors Note (for guest who goes by the name 'Kitty'):** **You asked if Alex was adopted by the Washington's! I just need to clarify that- no. He doesn't live the Washington's :D… He hasn't** ** _actually_** **been** ** _properly_** **introduced yet… But he will be a main character eventually! This will mainly follow the lives of Lafayette, John and Alex for the most of it! Buutttt… I've said too much! Hope you all enjoy!**

 **-X-**

 ** _Her words were few… but they meant so much… How did they manage to keep something like this from me for so long? Why were they so worried? Why the hell did the Universe decide for them to tell me now? Now while John was staying with us? All this information burst through my blood stream, swimming like a new type of adrenaline. My eyes widened so far I thought they may permanently stretch my skin. My mind was fuzzed and I could barely comprehend anything other than this…_**

 ** _The Universe has_** ** _really_** ** _bad timing…_**

 **Chapter 5- Three Rules of Survival**

 **(? POV)**

Despite the intense heat radiating off the soldering building, the night's air was still cold…. Crisp…

Each tread of my legs sent jolts of agony spark at each of my joints, not to mention the way my shoulders throbbed with every sway I had to make. All of my limbs were like a lead weight on my already pressured body. And my eyes weren't any lighter.

It was always the eyes…

The lack of sleep over the last few weeks had kept me fuzzed away from reality. Though as long as I focused on the main points to keep me alive… I would survive. All I had to remember was:

-Keep quiet

-Don't talk

-Stay invisible.

Those were the three rules of survival…

Though that last rule I had broken… _He_ spotted me… _They_ spotted me…

I had been seen by four people… No doubt blabber mouths. Who at high school wasn't? Well… with the exception of me…

And my heart stopped when their eyes laid upon me.

It was always the eyes…

Down where I _lived_ , there was many shady places, people and activities going on… So I learned to keep my head down… Stay out of sight… And if I was seen… There was a chance I was _dead_ …

The scary thing about death isn't that you'd never see anyone again (to be honest, that was a bonus). No, the worst thing about death is that you never know _when_ it's going to happen… Could it be that car zooming past way above the speed limit? Or maybe that _'not-so-innocent-lady'_ who works behind the desk at the corner shop down the end of your road?

Scary… but true…

The sad truth about this world was that _you could trust know one_. Not your best friend. Not your teachers. Not even your _family_. Something I had barely had over the years… _family_. Something I also couldn't risk to have…

Letting someone in can have splintering effects… I learned that the _hard_ way… But doesn't everyone?

I mean, in the laws eyes- sure. He was _lawfully_ my family. But not if anyone knew what he actually did… Even thinking about it shook shivers down my spine…

Each tread down the long tarmac road, had lead me back to the splintered gap in the fence behind an old dustbin in the depths of the dark, murky alley on the back streets of town. My lip drew an iron blood on the bitter part of my tongue. I tried not to wince as I slipped into the narrow gap between un-hinged fence panels. My figure was nimble and skinny so, to be honest, if it wasn't for the echoing electric, sparking in agony up my almost fractured bones, it should have been simple to slide in unnoticed.

My hand hesitantly gave three simple knocks to the door. Now it was just a waiting game before he opened up. So I made my way to sit down under an old shack of wood I had made on our arrival here this summer (not that I ever dared step out the house unless I was given a command). He would open the door when he felt like it- sometimes leaving me out for a whole night. Though despite the cold, it was a luxury instead of being in that _torcher_ house…

Now in most books I had read, this is the part when the rain starts to pour down and I burst out into a pool of sobs. But… no. They were just stories. This was _real_. And besides, I was to numbed by fear to feel anything else.

During this wait, I couldn't help but flash back to the look plastered on _that_ boy's face lit up by the abolishing inferno. He was _distraught_ , to say the least. There were so much his eyes illuminated by the reflection of the hungry, lapping flames… Too much there to name…

It was always the eyes…

But what teased mainly at my mind was,

 _What the hell did that kid have to do with_ _ **Henry Laurens**_ _? Was he like me?_

I shivered. But not because of the cold…

No… He couldn't be like that… Why else would he have been so _distraught_? Henry Laurens was _not_ a good man. Does that mean… _That_ boy was like him?

I shook off the thought. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be possible. He was too young to be part of something like that _monster_. Plus, he had an impression that was pure. Kind… Innocent… His looks too added to my theory… The way he flashed a smile and kept looking at me throughout the whole school day (yes, I noticed).

But looks can be deceiving… I learned that too…

Though when we both stood at the that shocking scene, I think (and prayed) that I was the one to see him- not vise-versa. Also, even if he did spot me, his mind should have been too overwhelmed to remember anything clearly, right? I think that's what I had read anyway… I mean, before my foster ' _father'_ threw out the book during the _'Traumatic Experience'_ chapter. It took me all summer to pay back the Library. Over the holiday's, I had picked up a book on Psychology. It really interested me (along with Law, History and English). Though unfortunately I had to choose either Law or Psychology (along with other subjects I showed no interest in). Science was a good subject, along with Math too but the other three came out on top.

"Get in." His dark gruff voice stabbed slightly slurred.

 _He must have had a few beers…_ I thought.

"Now!" Without any delay, I rushed with his gravelly tone and outstretched my arm down the tatty black rucksack- sending my vision a raw selection of stars. Each of my limbs throbbed every time I stumbled over loose cobbles to try and rush inside the house- he chuckling at my pathetic state. The door smashed shut with dangerous click to the lock signaling it shut.

 _Only four more days…_

 _Only four more days…_ I recited in my head.

Though it can only take a second to kill someone…

With my head kept to the floor, not making eye contact, I tried to slide through the door. Still risky… but not as risky if I stayed put…

"Look at you." He spat. Like, _actually_ spat landing only a few inches away from me. "You're running away. Not taking the risk of standing your ground. What are you?"

 _All I had to remember was:_

 _-Keep quiet_

 ** _-Don't talk_**

 _-Stay invisible._

"Answer me you pathetic bastard!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, and of course I flinched- bad move.

"Oh." A monstrous smile erupted over his face. "That makes you flinch, eh boy?"

 _-Keep quiet_

 ** _-Don't talk_**

 _-Stay invisible._

"TALK TO ME!" He screamed obviously letting the neighbors hear. Not that they would care… They'd never try to help before…

"I… I…" I squeaked extremely hoarse. I didn't want to speak at all… But that wasn't the problem… The problem was that I _couldn't_ … Not without a tsunami of immense pain cracking through my eyes… One of the most recent beatings wasn't like his usual ones… This one was much more severe… Though I had it coming really… I had fallen asleep on the job because of lack of sleep (but I wouldn't be surprised if it was also due to me being malnourished). Plus I had actually spoken back against his word which he really made me pay for… If he had carried on much longer… I would have sworn he could have broken my neck…

"Ah that's right… I remember…" He hissed like a real snake. Catching me off guard (not like I could have done anything to stop it), he shoved his weight on top of my own against the wall making all my belonging scatter over the tiled floor. My heart beat sped up too fast for me to catch my breath. "You _can't_."

His hands caressed my neck as if it was a stress ball, up and down my bruises pinching down hard on each of the bad ones. It was a scary thing how he knew each 'pain-station' off by his own cold, stone heart and found pleasure in my weak cries of distress. Well… He was a scary _man_ …But, it wasn't until his claws arrived at its final destination, that the thud of my heart began to break through the tough casing of my ribs. Before he went in for the final dive I could swear I saw a wave of delight cloud his pupils. A _deadly_ sense of delight…

Without any sign of a warning call, his thick, alcohol coated, bitter mouth thrusted down upon my own. Before I could resist, his serpent like tongue prodded with pain at the bottom of my throat. My limbs shoved and thrashed against his Python-like hold around my neck which gained a tighter crush every second. It only seemed to fuel this devils fire…

Every time he did this is was a shock. Though he had only taken it too far once or twice… I never really kept track… I just wanted to forget as soon as it happened…

It wasn't what most people described as a _'kiss'_ … he only used this as a wretched, distressing way to muffle my sheiks of terror.

He wasn't a man… He was a _monster_ …

This must have gone on for around ten minutes. His ruff, tugging hands prodding each bruise and injury he had inflicted on me recently. My muffled shrieks that echoed and reverberated my skull, not being able to escape of closed hole he blocked with his own snaking tongue.

The agonizing wait finally arrived and he let go. The sound of breathless heavy splutters filled the air as I tried to regain my lack of pure oxygen. His were too, deep, but he still had energy to kick the ground from under my feet sending me crashing down into a sea of stars against my sight.

"Heh." He cackled. "Now _that's_ what being speechless is _meant_ be like, _Ali_."

I hated it when he called me that. It _wasn't_ my name.

"Did you like that?" He questioned in a whiney, whispered tone.

 _No I hated it you monster._ I wanted to scream at him… but that was never going to happen… So I didn't do anything except try and gather together my books in a breathless mess.

"I'm not even going to waste my breath on you… You ungrateful little brat! You deserve it _all_ and you know it! Now get out of my sight! You're an eye-sore." He hissed and I gladly took up the offer of leaving… Sooner rather than later…

As soon as I had grabbed everything in my arms, I sprinted away up the stairs to the place where I slept. _Not_ a bedroom. Literally a small room with uncarpeted floors, no paint or wall-paper, just a broken wardrobe and a bed with a mattress that dug into your back along with thin sheets- no pillow.

I didn't have the energy to clean up my neck at this moment. So I just lay down in the clothes I wore all day. My stomach stabbed at me with a thirsty gap of hunger. I hadn't eaten a thing for what? Four? Five days? But the last decent thing I had was a sausage bun… and was burned with the frying pan along the spine of my back. Throughout most days, I just scraped off the leftovers from all his dirty plates and ate them… Still, that wasn't enough…

Don't ask me how- because I don't know myself- but he somehow managed to check out the foster care system and has had me in his care for _two full years_. He must have had to pull a few strings to keep me because there was no way he would have gotten away with it. I mean, he forced me into keeping quiet which I reluctantly obeyed. If I did tell someone, he would somehow manage to clear the picture… He always did…

Eventually my eye lids began to weigh the weight of a thousand galaxies as I finally greeted myself to the common nightmares that lingered in the paths of my sleep…

The sun pursing through the edge of my eyes was almost as painful as my almost fractured neck. I never needed an alarm clock as my eyes always sprang open at the exact same time every morning…

 **06:12**

Don't ask why as I don't know myself… I can only track it back to the day my mother passed… That was the time I first awoke like this…

In the past I had always tried to go back to sleep but realized that it was pointless.

So I swung my heavy joints over the edge of my bed and made my way tentatively to the bathroom. The water ran as quietly as it could and I splashed the chilling liquid over my face. I also used a small amount of toothpaste on a green toothbrush that had lasted me three years but the sharp bristles started stabbing my gums to blood a long time ago… My mornings weren't eventful unless _'he'_ got up before me (though that was very unusual and thankfully today was one of those days).

After I finished in the bathroom, I brushed through my tangled hair but I didn't change out of my clothes… I didn't have anything else to change into… The last thing I needed to do was pack my school bag (which may have well been my travelling bag). It contained school books, three regular biro pens, a ruler, a pencil, my string white headphones, an MP3 player (very old and almost broken) which held exactly four songs (all with a hip-hop beat), its charger with frayed wires, a tatty sleeping bag, three filled notebooks along with one half filled one and last of all a photo of my mom… It was her on top of a cliff with the breeze whipping away stray hair from a messy brown, bun atop her head. Her dark eyes sparkled at the reflection of the dazzling sun that beat down a heavily heat upon her. She was wearing a pure, light blue sundress which covered up the dainty shoes she wore on her feet- though I remember them as clear as day… White, floral flats with a light brown sole. Also placed around her neck was a shiny, silver locket that inside held a small photo of our family.

And by family… I mean it this time… It was a place you could go when you felt down… scared… alone… They were a best friend except… closer… More trustworthy… Everybody was different, yet accepted for who you were or whoever you already were… They were always there for you but the main point was that they would still love you no matter what happens… _That_ was a family… Something I missed oh so dearly… Something I may never have again…

Even though it was only four more days, it probably wouldn't be any different… Still no family. They'd be the same as _him_ … Even if it took them a year to at least slap me, it would still happen. With _him_ it took years of care and kindness before he let his true color's shine… And they weren't even colors… They were _tones_ … Tones of grey and black…Though no white… Nothing pure… Unless you counted the bright stars that would prance around my vision whenever he landed a hard blow. But that was all…

Watching out for the mentally loud creaks of the floor boards, I snuck over the frayed rug and down the bare staircase. My burned hand landed over the cool metal of a handle that attached to a cheap chipboard door to the cigarette smoke ridden living room. Though- with no surprise- he was sprawled over the ashy sofa passed out (most likely because of all of the empty beer bottles lined up beside him).

Despite his loud, muffled sleepy breaths the room was silent. My feet took slow paces towards the kitchen… The most places of my beatings…

 _His hands caressed my neck as if it was a stress ball, up and down my bruises pinching down hard on each of the bad ones._

My mind couldn't contain it. I had to get out. Fast- before I had any chance of waking him up… There was too much adrenaline in my bones I had to contain my pulsating breaths.

 _His serpent like tongue prodded with pain at the bottom of my throat._

It wasn't like this wasn't normal… Even though I tried to forget as soon as it happened, there was always a flickering flame that would light up a random beating without will. My breaths quickened beyond control and my limbs frantically reached for the brass key underneath an empty plant pot outside the door. The lock barely had a chance to click before I shoved it back through the post box (I wasn't allowed a key to myself).

 _My muffled shrieks that echoed and reverberated my skull, not being able to escape of closed hole he blocked with his own snaking tongue._

The memories actually _hurt_ …

After I gave my best (but messiest) sprint towards the road, still keeping my head down all the way. I didn't have time to check the clock when I rushed out so I could only presume it was around half six.

 _Great. Even more time for people to spot you now. Good job._

I sighed at my thoughts sending even more pain splintering my neck bones.

 _Fabulous. You can't even breathe without wincing. You_ _ **wuss**_ _. There are probably others who live worse than you. Stop complaining. You_ _ **brat**_ _. Maybe everything he says_ _ **is**_ _true. I mean, he was nice to you at one point. What changed? Oh, I know what…_ _ **You**_ _changed. Still wonder why he hates you? Why everyone would hate you? That's only if you manned up to give them a chance though._ _ **Coward**_ _._ __

"Shut up." I huffed instantly regretting giving my throat extra work. I shook my head trying to clear the stars and picked up my pace towards the _friendlier_ area of town.

Down the long walk to the park (because going to school seemed way too early) I took many hidden paths. The paths were all dark, littered and fusty. At night, it was most likely full of dealers and wasted bodies with many other 'not-so-legal-activities' but I had to shrug it off for stopping could put me higher to gods waiting room, for turn of phrase. I was not religious in anyway ever since I had last saw my mother… Because if things like this had happened to people who have had nothing, why don't the monsters of the world get what's coming to them faster? Why blame it on innocent people? It made no sense.

I had passed the school ten minutes ago still limping with my frayed hood loosely covering my face. The arrival to the park had brought a surprising calmness to me for a few seconds as I continued to stroll to it's center. Bringing relief to my being was also the fact that not many people came down here this early. All there was were morning dogwalkers and business persons, all rushing to be somewhere. None of them acknowledged my presence which was good. I never even caught their eyes with the rush they all moved in.

After establishing to myself that was _'safe'_ , I sat down against a tall ash tree and took out a note book. I began to write non-stop. Spilling my passion to the bare pages and filling them up within minutes. My writing was neat, detailed and full of care. There was never a word misspelt or crossed out amongst the pages. I cherished these paragraphs with my life. They are the thing that has kept me going for so long… the reason I hadn't given up sooner…

Once I had been sat down, vigorously scribbling at the pages for far too long, I eventually looked up. The sun's rays were stronger than during my timid walk here in the first place and it lit up the park immensely. Each tree seemed so much more elegant with its broad branches swaying with the motion of the slight breeze. The grass was so much more luscious with little drops of dew scattered about it. In the park, it didn't have any flowers but the stunning arrays of green compensated for it dearly. Now I would say it was beautiful but that would be false. When someone says something is truly beautiful- they're lying. Nothing can be completely and utterly pure. The tree's may be beautiful… but they could easily fall on you… and that would be _ugly_ … The person you are in a relationship with may be beautiful to you… but it's most likely the relationship will end sooner or later… and that would be ugly… Wolves roaming freely about the glistening realms of the snowy mountains would be beautiful… but they have to brutally slaughter other living creatures to survive… and that would be _ugly_ … Fire was beautiful… except it needs to destroy something to burn those lapping flames… and that was _ugly_ … My mother was beautiful… but she was snatched away from me far too soon… and that _was ugly_ … That boy at the fire was beautiful… but it his father must have been Henry Laurens… and that monster was _ugly_ …

I shuddered at his name and snapped my book closed, shoving it down to my bag. I scanned the park looking for a person to ask for the time…

 _This will be fun…_

I pulled my hood tighter around my face, still letting my eyes dart around to look for a person. But instead I found something else… Or more like _someone_ … A girl… Crying behind a wall in a back ally just across the road… I should have walked away… But I… _couldn't_ … My legs limped towards her weeping body while my mind screamed for me to turn away… I wouldn't be able to _actually_ _ **speak**_ to her! What was the point?! Though it was too late… I was crouched on the ground leaning out my arm to her despite the raging pain shooting through them. With this action, she screamed over the sobs and crawled backwards with heavy, intense breathing. I lifted up my hands to tell her I was safe and she… _trusted me?_ Not only that, but she lunged for my chest and I tensed for longer than I should have. It took all my willpower to not scream out with her because of the bruises her hands landed upon. All I did was place one hand to her back in nothing more than a comforting way. After minutes of her endless wails, her cries eventually halted to strong breaths. My throat was going to kill me but I had to squeak something… _anything_ …

"…You… okay?" Yep. Just as predicted my throat may have well have exploded with stabs and jabs to my inside flesh.

"I… I… No…" She heaved out against the barriers of deep splutters.

I didn't have any guts to pull her back into a hug. Who knows… she could have a knife… a gun… a drug… I couldn't trust her… Looks were deceiving… My throat didn't have any chance at another word so just got her to look in my eyes and gestured to her and the space around us and thankfully she got the idea…

"I… It wasn't much… just… S… Sorry I can't tell you what happened…"

So at least this girl had some sense about her. She's already learned to trust no one. _Especially_ a stranger in the streets. I forced a smile to my lips to say it was okay and she didn't have to say anything… I respected her wishes.

"T… Thank you… I'm… I'm Maria… Maria Reynolds…"

I couldn't respond to this. My name wasn't just a free balloon to be handed out without thorough thought! But I didn't want to sound rude… She could still have a gun… So I just waved awkwardly.

 _Dammit!_

"Don't talk much, eh?"

I shook my head partly forgetting that moving my neck would be just as bad as talking…

She gave a sad laugh, "Don't worry. I don't think you're weird. You're _smart_. For all you knew I could be a mass murderer with a knife in my pocket. In fact I was stupid to even give you _my_ name. No offence."

Wow this girl was smart. She seemed to be able to read my thoughts exactly. But it still could all be an act… I couldn't trust her… I just _couldn't_ …

"I'm so sorry for wasting your time… I have to go… G… Goodbye…"

And with that she ran off as if she was never there before… It was all so quick I could barely even comprehend what happened in the first place… But I _did_ remember that there was _no way_ , I would be able to ask for the time… So just took the initiative to walk towards the school… Replaying what had just happened in my head… and how I may have just committed myself to death in the process…

 **Author's Note:** **Hate me all you want! I'm so sorry to leave the cliff hanger from last time hanging from last time! Buuuttttt… I'll be worth it ;)**

 **This was the shortest chapter yet it took** ** _wayyyy_** **too long to write! But I have been busy with other stories! I have completed one (A Christmas Special and I really hope you check it out!), a parody FanFic of songs from the musical and another story that will just be for fun!**

 ** _'_** ** _ITAMS'_** **is still my main priority though! And I DO still have inspiration to write this! The thing is this one was really hard to write! Anyway… The next one will reveal the secret form the Washington's! So stay in tune!**

 **I also want TO THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH LIKE I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF THE WORDS TO SHOW MY GRATATUDE TO HOW MUCH YOU HAVE SUPPORTED THIS! LIKE, OMAG! Sorry… I just got really excited at the fact I have had 19 REVIEWS IN FOUR CHAPTERS! … Sorry?**

 **Yeah well anyway… I can't wait to hear what you think about this! So please get reviewing!**

 **Yours Truly,**

 **-L.E-Rae _x_**

 **(Oh and P.S I got tickets to see Hamilton for Christmas like OMG! :D)**

 **Goodbye again!**

 **-L.E-Rae _x_**


	6. Chapter 6- Don't Resist

**_And with that she ran off as if she was never there before… It was all so quick I could barely even comprehend what happened in the first place… But I did remember that there was no way, I would be able to ask for the time… So just took the initiative to walk towards the school… Replaying what had just happened in my head… and how I may have just committed myself to death in the process…_**

 ** _(AND)_**

 ** _Her words were few… but they meant so much… How did they manage to keep something like this from me for so long? Why were they so worried? Why the hell did the Universe decide for them to tell me now? Now while John was staying with us? All this information burst through my blood stream, swimming like a new type of adrenaline. My eyes widened so far I thought they may permanently stretch my skin. My mind was fuzzed and I could barely comprehend anything other than this…_**

 ** _The Universe has really bad timing…_**

 **Chapter 6- Don't Resist…**

 **(Lafayette's POV)**

 _The Universe has_ _ **really**_ _bad timing…_

"Look Gil…" Martha started, but not in her usual confident voice. She reached her hand out to my own though instead of transferring a calm sense to me, all I felt was nerves… I didn't like this one bit… "When you first came to live with us, George and I both agreed that you would be the only child we would have in our care… Because of your background, we both thought it would be best to only adopt one child… so you had the best possible upbringing…"

"…Okay… Where are you going with this?" I asked wanting them to just get straight to the point…

Martha again. "Well… Something has come up so we cannot keep to our original plans…"

 _What?_

"Gil… We're Fostering another child."

 _What?!_

"I… I don't understand…" I squeaked a little unsure of myself. "How come I never noticed this? Aren't we meant to have visits? A talk with the family? Aren't these things meant to take years to happen? I'm so confused…"

"Yes dear, but the thing is that this boy isn't like most of the foster children…"

 _Boy. So I will be having a_ _ **brother**_ _…_

"She's right Gil…" George spoke up for the first time. "The reason we haven't had chance to tell you is because this was a very quick placement. This boy was needed to be moved fast because of something that was happening in his home… He won't ever be going back there… but that's another thing we need to talk to you about…"

"Okay… But what's this boy's name?" I asked and I could tell that they mentally winced at the fact they hadn't even given me his name.

"Alexander Hamilton. He's your age and comes over from the Caribbean. He was separated from his family when he was twelve and taken to America. I wouldn't want to give you everything about him because I hope he would feel comfortable around you when he arrives with us…" George replied with a deep gulp.

"Alright… But what was the other thing you needed to ask me?"

"Well when Alexander is placed with us, it will only be a temporary placement. A few days… A couple of weeks at the max… But, only if you're comfortable, we were hoping to make it a long-term placement."

"What? You mean adopting?"

"Not exactly… Take John for instance… We are his short-term placement until we can reach his brother or his father recovers. But if we were to keep Alexander in a _long-term_ placement. It would most likely last until he was over eighteen." I let out a silent, _'oh'_ , after Martha had finished her statement. But then another question began to dawn on me…

"But if it is to last until he's over eighteen, then why don't you just adopt him?"

"Because Gil, adopting is a big commitment. There could be many bumps in the road like, Alexander may not feel comfortable with us or… you and him may not get along with each other… George and I are fully committed to this, but this time, it's not just us we need to think about. _You_ need to feel fully comfortable with this as well."

"I… err…" I couldn't get my words out. This all was _way_ too much to comprehend. It was _my_ choice whether we gave a boy a loving home or not. _I_ was the final decision maker to bring this boy some happiness back. And, no, I wouldn't mind at all if someone new came to live with us. I was just scared that things wouldn't be the same again… If Alexander has come from a broken background, there's no doubt he would need extra care and attention from everyone as a family… It might be too busy… Or something that would be too hard to handle… Despite all my optimism towards everything I came across, I couldn't deny that things were bound to go wrong in some aspect or another… But that was life, wasn't it? A roller-coaster of problems that can rise and fall within seconds… and there was nothing to prevent it… So with that final thought, my decision was made… "I feel fine about inviting Alexander to live with us long term. _Jeter il_ _à moi_."

"That's great!" Martha launched us all into a hug. It was so tight yet comforting… Everything was going to change after this but hopefully for the better. Yes, it was going to be strange. Yes, it was going to be hard. And yes, I would do my best to make this life better for Alexander and for us _all_. I hadn't even met the kid yet, yet I already felt connected somehow… Something told me we were going to get along just fine… _Alexander Hamilton…_ _ **Alexander Hamilton...**_

"Did we tell you when he would be arriving?" George question after we finished our laughs of joy form the embrace.

"No…"

"Ah… Well… That's quite short notice too…"

"He will arrive late Friday night… We're so sorry for how short time this is…" Martha trailed off with apologies etched to her eyes…

 _It was always the eyes…_

"No, no. It's fine just… When are we going to tell John? Can I let Aaron and Herc know too?"

"We are fine if you want to tell your friends but, if you wanted, we could talk to John too… Or you could talk to him if you wanted to." George answered looking through the dining room.

"No, it's fine… I'll tell them…" I sighed and let out something underneath my breath, "L'univers à vraiment un mauvais timing ..."

 ** _"_** ** _The Universe has really bad timing…"_**

Mary ticked away sharply, sending ringing vibrations along the walls through the living room. If I had been counting correctly, she should chime the arrival of **_13:00_** anytime soon… Aaron and Herc had awoken over an hour ago so John and I just chatted or watched a film. George offered us some lunch at half twelve but we both declined. Actually, come to think of it, I hadn't eaten _anything_ today… But I just wasn't hungry… I haven't had anything to drink yet either… Wait… No. _Coffee_. Jesus. That must be some kind of record for me.

 _You're really out of if today Laf._

Though the reason wasn't a mystery… I still hadn't told them about Alexander… I wanted to but, there was never a right time… Aaron and Herc were asleep when I had to go speak to Martha and John was never one to pry. All he simply asked was, _"Is everything alright?"_ , and left the rest of the questions to burn off in the back of his mind. The time skipped by too fast to remember what happened. I was just sitting there aimlessly for _hours_ not realising how fast the time zipped away from under my nose… None of us ever really moved from the spots we woke up in for the whole afternoon. John stayed silent for the most of it. I _tried_ to contribute to talking though Aaron and Herc were the ones to start off conversations more frequently.

The time wasn't showing any signs of slowing down as each hour flipped by after the other. Netflix began to seem a little boring by early evening as we all became much more restless. John never stopped clutching or fiddling with his bag on his lap though I would most likely do the same if I was in his situation… Other than the clothes he wore, the contents of that bag were _all he had left_ …

 _Damn…_

"Well boys," George broke through on the silence. "What do you want for tea?"

"Tea?" I exclaimed darting around to look at Mary.

 ** _18:23_**

 _Wow._

"I… I'm not too hungry… thanks…" John mumbled not making eye contact.

"None of you have had anything to eat all day. You have to have _something_ …"

"Okay, Papa… Erm… Does pasta sound good to you guys?" I question looking at the others who nodded their head in agreement.

"Okay then, pasta it is! And Gil, could you help me get started please?" Papa smiled from the door way.

"Of course!" I smiled back to him, bounding off the sofa. George and Martha barely asked me to any jobs around the house other than putting away my clothes, keeping my room tidy, hoovering and occasionally washing dishes. So whenever they asked me to help out, I didn't particularly mind.

I entered the kitchen to where Papa was reaching out for the pans and filling them up with cold, tap water. Instinctively, I reached for the pasta along with a pot of cream sauce, some tomatoes, cucumber and carrot. Then, again, time skipped forward to where the pasta was boiling amongst the pan and I was making drinks for everyone. Two black coffees for Papa and Aaron, two mint teas for me and John, a coffee with one and a half sugars for Maman and just a water for Herc. As the kettle boiled I stood back against the wall where Papa joined me and got the first word in…

"You haven't told him yet, have you?"

I just shook my head down to the floor, "No… I… I haven't had a chance…"

"I see… Are you sure you don't want me to talk to them instead?"

"No I'm sure… I… I will talk to John later… Break the news to the others tomorrow…"

"Alrighty then. Only if you're sure?"

I smiled back up to his tall build, "Yes, Papa, I'm sure."

And with that the kettle whistled around the room with the click signalling the correct temperature. The cups were poured, delivered, though instead of sitting back down on the sofa, I took my cup and sat outside.

The sun set was beautiful. Especially behind the silhouettes of the autumns falling array of red, gold and yellow. Peeping over the edge of the tree's, the sun dribbled its vivid juices down upon my own tanning skin. Though the immensely bright orb in the sky was too bright to stare at, it wasn't warm… In fact, the breeze carried calming shivers down my spine with a need for miniature bumps to form a place upon my limbs. Clouds that should have been white, turned out blushing against the vibrant glimmers of the golden beams down to the blood bathed grasses below. These floating balls of watery fluff shifted around the lava pit smoothly without a fixed script. The heavens and hell had completely merged turning the sky into a calming, fiery lair and despite its intensity, I couldn't help but feel at home underneath its large, consuming cage.

"Are you alright?" A weak voice softly spoke from the reflective glass doors behind me.

"Huh? Oh… It's you…" I smiled weakly as John who came down next to me against the red etched sky.

"The one and only." He gave a weak laugh, still holding the tea in the grasp of his curling fingers. "But you didn't answer my question… Are you alright?"

My breaths paced up slightly and sharply though his expression never changed… not noticing my nerves… "I don't think I'm someone you need to worry-"

"Please, Laf…" I dared to look back up at his eyes and… my god I wished I hadn't… The sunset rippled against the glossy surface of his green speckled iris. The forest deep jade formed heavy rims around the umber soil sparked with amber flecks… almost _embers_ … Each paint fused to the next with sharp shards, weaving together at uneven lengths towards his pools of pitch black pupils that sunk deep into their sockets. A replica of the blazing furnace above soldered together in a mirrored image against the tones ruminating about his eyes. The light from the rich inferno was still shimmering a vivid projection of the swirling embers cascading amongst the deep shining array of too much colour… These embers only seemed to glow hotter by each beat of the heart rhythming in his chest. I tried to gulp down his beauty… There was no point… I couldn't wash away the sunset with the flick of my arm, therefore, there was no point to brush away his eyes pure beauty… "You don't need to stop worrying about yourself to look out for me too…" He breathed above a whisper, his eyebrows narrowing in concern.

"It's… I needed to tell you this this morning really… I just… I never really new how to bring it up…" I shied away. I couldn't risk being lost in his deep pools again…

"Was this about your talk with Martha?" He placed his hand to my shoulder sending shocks to pleasure my spine.

I nodded sheepishly.

"What did they say to you?" He had moved closer now. His fore arms now gently brushing my chest.

"I… I'm not sure how else to put it…" My French accent was much thicker at this point. "I'm getting a new brother…"

"You… What?" His eyes widened fully trying to process what I had just said. "When did this happen?"

"Apparently, it was quick notice… He had to be pulled from his original home fast. They wouldn't tell me why… All I know is his name is Alexander Hamilton, he is the same age as us, were going to be his long-term foster family, he came from the Caribbean and he'll be here late Friday night…"

"Friday?! That's only three days away!"

"Yeah… They needed to move him fast…"

"I… I see…"

At this point I expected us to just stand in silence and gaze to the distance, just over the tree tops against a burning horizon… but next was just unexpected. His hand leant over to grasp my own quickly as if that if he waited any longer, he would have lost the guts. My frame was completely and utterly tensed with shock. I hadn't seen this coming not one bit. Though… I didn't mind it. I grasped his hand tighter and gently tugged him closer to my warmth. As he stepped closer to me, I heard the clonk of the mug being placed on the glass table, thinking it was a good idea, I followed his actions. His chest was forced against my own along with his soft, curly head buried between us both. He wrapped his arms around my tall figure and we stayed like this for a while. The breeze kept tickling us both with its soft licks though each other's comfort was more than enough to scatter away the chilling frost. As every minute went by, he started to squeeze me tighter. Words would have ruined the moment far too much so silence took its place in the grasp of time. Becoming a little braver, I played with a few loose strands of his thick hair underneath the floating, fire-pitted sky. Our tea had most probably gone cold while we were busy lost in the embrace though I couldn't care less… He was in my arms… I was in his… Nothing could change the fact that the caged butterfly inside of my chest was cracking my ribs with its furious beatings… and the reason for this was _him_ …

"Laf I-" His silky voice vibrated against my chest but was quickly cut off my a much deeper, raspier voice echoing from the kitchen…

"Tea's ready!"

"I… err… I guess we should head off…" He stuttered with a little frog in his throat. So it seemed that just as quickly as it happened… it was gone… His warm escaped my tight grip to hurry off towards the kitchen as if it never happened… Though as he turned away, I might have been wrong but… as he turned away… it could have been the tones radiating from the vibrant artwork above but… as he turned away… I might have been able to swear that a saw a slight blush, swim about the freckles across his cheeks…

 **(Alexander's POV)**

I loved school. Though not for the reason you'd expect… Yes, the lessons were interesting and added new knowledge to the book growing inside of my brain cells. But that wasn't the only reason… I was able to escape _him_ … If I stayed quiet at school, stayed invisible and never spoke a word, I would be able to stay alive a little longer… If nobody knows me… nobody will harm me… because they'll have nothing against me… If nobody knows me… they won't get close to me… and they won't get hurt… because I won't let them in…

 _That_ boy never showed up for history today (the lesson I was currently sat in- fourth period) though I didn't expect anything less. Plus I guess his friends never showed either… didn't see them too…

The morning actually went without a hitch. I never saw Maria again or was spotted noticeably by anyone else. Of course I couldn't afford lunch so I just headed to the school's library for that pointless hour. I rushed over to History with Mr. Pendleton as soon as the bell ricocheted around the halls… though as half the lesson skipped by… something terrorful happened… something of a _nightmare_ …

"I'm sorry Sir, but can Alexander Hamilton report to the office please?" A secretary, must have been in her mid-twenties, called through the class door.

 _She said my name. I have to respond._

"Of course. Alexander?" Mr. Pendleton looked slightly aggravated though carried on the lesson aside. But he looked at me. He _looked_ at me.

 _This is the part where you walk out the door, Dumbass._

Clumsily, I had my shaken hands shiver and stumble over my equipment. I daren't look up. Everybody's eyes would sear through me, stab at my sole… if they weren't already… I daren't look up…

The heart thud from my chest beat all the way to my throat, my ears, my _eyes_ … My vision pulsated against waves over my darkening eyes, letting the internal panic set in…

The funny thing about this situation was the fact on how the only outer layer of alarm was either my rapid breathing or wide eyes. No one gad a clue _who_ I was and _what_ was happening to me. They probably wouldn't even _care_. Why should they? Besides, even if someone _did_ know me. They'd hate me. Everyone did… would… _should_ …

"…ander? Ale…? Alexander? Are you alright?" Turns out that during my scattered pools of messed fear, I had walked out of the door and closed it behind me…

 _When did this happen? Jesus Alex, you're even more messed up than you thought._

"Alexander? Are you alright?" The same female voice repeated in sympathy against my ear. She didn't care if I was alright. She was just being polite. She _had_ to say that if she wanted to keep her job. A _false_ carer. "Alex?"

I answered with a painful nod, still not looking her dead in the eyes. Not many people could see through me, but I wouldn't take the risk…

"… okay… Could you follow me please." This wasn't a question.

I had been too focussed of my survival and invisible identity to actually let the infinite steams of questions swamp the boggy marshes of my cranium. I hadn't taken a good look at the major picture here…

 _Why the_ _ **hell**_ _was I being removed from lesson? What the_ _ **hell**_ _was going on? Who the_ _ **hell**_ _wanted me? When the_ _ **hell**_ _would I return?_

I didn't want to cause suspicion… Rumours were oxygen to a place like this… Sooner or later somebody will **pretend** to know what's wrong… spread it. And pass it along the row like Pass-The-Parcel at a six-year-olds Birthday party.

The office wasn't that far away from Mr. Pendleton's room so I thankfully didn't need to hold my weight any long on my closely shattered bones. The office was how you would imagine it to be. Six blue chairs with metal frames, a cheaply tiled _meant_ to be white flooring, big oak doors, a large desk with the same material as the doors and a few ladies sitting behind the counter.

 _So stereotypical._ I spat in my mind.

"Alexander," A blonde haired woman from behind the desk spoke with a smile she was paid to have, "we're sorry to drag you out of lesson but your **_father_** will be here soon to collect you early. Okay?"

 ** _Crap._**

She didn't emphasize the word. My mind did. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run. I wanted the panic to set in but I… I couldn't… He'd _kill_ me… I would give him away for what he _really_ was… This was _not_ good.

I didn't give her an answer I just sat down. I couldn't risk to move my head or speak… I couldn't risk anymore pain to my shattered being if that's what I was going to get anyway at home… It was almost _guaranteed_ … Too many thoughts, memories and remembrances came flooding past my vision as if they were all playing again before me. Each bruise, each scar each bone erupted in agony throughout me with every innocent yet devil-horned tick the clock echoed around the room in. Many people passed by not giving my blank expression a second look… and I am so glad they didn't…

" _Ali_ …" He didn't spit it or snarl. He didn't hiss or growl. He spoke softly and sweetly but we _both_ knew what was behind that bitter syrup… Appetising at the first layer but rotten below all the others… I may even say _poisonous_ … But the outer coat always had to be the strongest… "We need to head home… Something's… Something's come up."

I swear to god he must have had some sort of experience in acting. The perfect stutter. The shying eye. The nervous shuffle. Nobody was just _this_ good by chance. Well… he'd had practise before…

"Thank you, ladies!" He waved and held my back (unbeknown to others that he was purposefully pressing in just the right spots to cause me hurt) … He made subtle shoves with his elbow towards the bus stop which unfortunately arrived just as we stopped. The hiss from the wheels tensed and shuddered me but I had to keep limping towards the tall steps. He even let a woman with a pram on before us to be _polite_ … Yeah right. It was just an act. It all was. We took our seats at the back of the bus making sure to be out of sight. Every time I huddled next to chilling windowpane he would blindly huddle closer to me. His face expression never changed. Not even when he poked me or traced all around my scars. Not even when he entwined our fingers between the seats while was bending them back onto themselves… I could hear my stomach flip with all the spectrum of fear and pain… I couldn't do _anything_ …

"Now _Ali_ , don't resist." He hissed between the minimum distance our faces shared. Nobody could see. Nobody would care. Why should they?

By the end of the journey, I was completely numb, my face was blank. I never had a chance to brace before he tugged me from the bus to a littered street, with bottles of alcohol shards from different places in the polluted pavement. Around here, he didn't need to be careful. People were that wasted that they wouldn't care or even remember what happed.

"Now Ali… Don't resist!" The floor came extremely closer. Those glass shards began to look like giants. The dagger like gravel became boulders to my falling figure. Even before I hit the shards in the pavement, I could already feel the blood sting past the barricade of my flesh… until it happened… and then it was much more excruciating than I imagined…

My knees and palms stabbed themselves despite the glass shards drawing blood away from them. Each cell they pushed through created a new- excruciating sensation- individual but just as noticeable. My hoarse screeches vibrated along the floor and ruptured my almost broken throat bones. It eventually pinched (but not pierced) the oversized hoody slouching against my back. The world spun intensely with my vision fuzzing away from the afternoon sun glaring down above. "Don't resist!" Tightly gripping the hood at the frayed fabric, he yanked up my light weight letting a couple of spiked glass fall from my limbs (most of it still remained).

I did try to thrash away from his tug but the blood flowing in rapids away from my kneecaps restrained it. I had to give in and let him drag me down the streets like a ragdoll. From what I could pick up, the fence to our door came into a blurry view. He clicked it open and slammed it shut before I had a chance to catch myself from the floor… a floor which was now red… This time it was different. In his black eyes, I could tell it was more _deadly… murderous…_ _ **monstrous**_ … I didn't expect such a bad beating until Thursday…

I was wrong about many things…

"Do you not realise how much trouble you've got me in?!" He yelled so loud I could feel the ground shake… or was that just my quaking figure? "Your social workers are already on to me! And guess what?! It was because of how much you are a _wuss_! That you can't take a few hits without screaming out or making a scene in the street! People notice little things that don't seem right Ali! They get suspicious! And sooner or later, they trace it back to me!"

I could now smell his breath was laced, thick with alcohol… _How did he hide that for so long? Jesus Alex, you're even more stupid than you thought!_

"I was going to wait until the night you were _actually_ supposed to leave but it seems you need an extra telling before something else goes wrong… Now I'll show what you really _should_ cry for… you won't know what _hit_ ya'…"

With slow, heavy, ominous thuds, he trampled his weight closer towards my sweating body… There was nowhere to go… I was trapped… cornered… defenceless… and he was coming closer… closer… closer… More furious with every step… closer… closer… closer…

"Now… Don't resist _Ali_!"

"N… no… No! Please! No! Please!"

Slap. Punch. Kick. Burn. Cry. Scream. Crack.

Now, I never fell asleep that night… but that doesn't mean I never saw darkness…

 **Authors Note:** **Told you would be introduced to Alex soon ;)**

 **Okay, so I need your honest opinion on this… You know Alex's POV? Please tell me if I should edit it and how I could edit it… Because I don't like it. But I'm not sure how to edit it…**

 **I will edit it if you tell me to! So yeah… Leave that!**

 **Now I know I promised this would be a Lams Fic and IT IS! We just need that Laurette at the start… It will get fluffier with Laurette but A LOT FLUFFIER with Lams! LAMS IS THE MAIN SHIP!**

 **So tell me what you thought and like always I will get back to you soon!**

 **:D**

 **-L.E-Rae _x_**


	7. Chapter 7- That Boy 2

**_Now, I never fell asleep that night… but that doesn't mean I never saw darkness…_**

 **Chapter 6- That Boy #2**

 **(John's POV)**

Again. I woke up thrashing, again. Except this time, my shrieks ricocheted through everything inside of Laf's room. Instead of mentally slapping myself for being too loud, I actually left the red mark physically across my speckled cheeks.

My mother always said that they were the ashes of a new beginning that danced against my skin. I used to believe her. Until _both_ the accidents happened. I hated fire ever since. It doesn't burn to create. It burns to destroy. So I didn't want the remanence of its victims scattering my face.

The room was that dark that my eyes began to form their own light in tiny dots. They couldn't cope with the fact on how I could see nothing… Couldn't cope with the thought of darkness… And even though my vision caught _nothing_ to report on, I didn't need sight to know my eyes were wider than saucers. With every forceful, lungful of stuffy oxygen, a coat of cold sweat dribbled in streaks at the top of my forehead. My figure was completely paralyzed, sat up right and stiff. The sheets were victims to my cobra-like clutch. Again, I didn't need sight to know my hands were completely pale with lack of blood.

I heard no shuffling in the house. Nothing.

 _I didn't wake them up…_

As that thought tried to sit in my mind, I slowly loosened up… _slowly_ …

I could still practically hear Mary downstairs once my mind began to untangle.

 _This isn't a dream. You're safe…_

The minutes were deceived as hours against the hands on my internal clock. The uneven breathes slowed with force though heart still raced.

"Okay… Come on John… You can stand up… Three… Two… One…" I muttered to only myself. On insecure limbs, I managed to claw my way to the unsteady base of my foot. I didn't need sight to tell me that the room began to spin on a merry-go-round. I still didn't like the darkness… but it was better than light… the opposite of _fire_ … _flames_ … and _destruction_ … In the darkness, you didn't see anything other than fuzzy outlines. Nothing was _truly_ real. You didn't have anything there to worry you farther…

My lungs flooded with two profound breaths before stumbling in the direction of the door of the bathroom. Soon enough the handle fell between my fingers. There was no point in turning on the light. For one: it would just wake up Laf: two, I didn't need to see anything… _want_ to see anything…

In a clumsy mess, my hands fumbled for the faucet, splashing the delicate contents to the tear sodden cheeks of my being. I could swear that in the repeated splashes to my face, I could actually feel the dirt and sweat stream away. Just remembering to breathe, I gasped accidentally taking water with a splutter. A very _loud_ splutter…

"John?"

 _Dammit._

"John?"

Swiftly the light to the bathroom was blinding in fuzzy stars, painfully lodging its usual stabs at my retinas. In shock, I had to bite my lips to restrain hissing towards the white orb- I wouldn't be surprised if it was out of guilt too.

"What are you doing?" After what felt like years paralyzed, just staring myself down in the mirror, I pivoted my figure towards the open door, to where Laf stood with bagged eyes.

"I… I…" Was all my hoarse throat could muster.

"Are you alright, _mon amie_?"

"I- I- I didn't mean to wake you up… I- I just had a bad dream is all…" I gulped harder, silently praying that he wouldn't press farther.

"Another one?" His tall figure took steps closer towards my body. I'm wasn't sure why but I was so anxious. If 'anxious' was even a word for the situation.

"I… Y-Yeah…"

"For a moment, his deep, brown eyes examined me for a second- sympathy etched over their glossy layer. "Come on John, it's three A.M, we need to go back to sleep." Mary confirmed it.

Relief surged through me with a subtle sigh and a nod. Somehow after walking into the dark I let a tiny smile crawl to my lips. Minding to not trip over my flimsy feet, I gently lowered down to the air-bed laid out on the floor.

Mary was the only thing to sound through the house. Our room buzzed with a silence that you could hear a pin drop from the other side of the street, so there was no doubt that I heard the taller boy suck in a breath- immediately letting it go and deciding not to speak.

"What?" I asked, shuffling to sit up and face him (or more like the black coated room).

"What?" He questioned back a little too hastily.

"You were about to say something. What was it?" My spine straightened up, ruffling the sheets in the process.

"I- err… it- it was nothing." I didn't need sight to know he was letting his eyes dart about the room trying to find an answer. I don't think he realized that there wasn't a point. Firstly: there was no light draping the room so therefore- nothing to see. Secondly: as much as we all wish answers were there for us, they weren't.

I had to contemplate whether to push farther or drop it… and to my disappointment, I settled on the latter. "… Okay then…"

The mute of the room didn't bother to hide his small sigh of relief. My shuffling sheets and his footsteps merged together in the movement then the quiet resumed its ominous buzz.

As rehearsed, I closed my eyelids and remained like that… for a _long_ time… Nothing crawled up to snatch me to the realms of sleep. I turned to my left side. Still nothing… Back to my right then my back, my stomach. I even laid on the opposite side of the sheets! Nothing… Eventually my eyes began to pain with being forced shut so they opened. Nothing different. Just the same black glacier hovering in jostling specs around the room. My lungs daren't release a loud breath in case of awaking the tall teen resting half a meter beside me, except on a different bed.

With his 'image' in my mind, I began to think with hazy, sleep-driven thoughts. But it wasn't about the fire. Or my dad. Or my family, _that_ boy, my mother. No. For once in what seemed like a lifetime these thoughts were somewhat… _happy_ … in a completely sinister way. They were of the teen breathing the same air as me… Laf…

These last hours hadn't just brought misery and pure pain, it had a strange ally alongside it. An emotion that now caused me hurt but- something else… God knows why, when or how this started because I wasn't completely sure of it myself. I didn't _trust_ this emotion, though I trusted the person it belonged to with my life. In a way, I hated my heart to be attracted to this person. It would cause so many more complications that my life doesn't need. What was that saying? _'I don't like the drama; the drama likes me'_. I think that was it. Though I couldn't barely take the pulsating throb echoing from my chest, I had to deny the feelings. Even though part of me knew they were there…

On a constant record, it repeated again and again…

 _I can't love this boy… I can't love, Lafayette…_

 ** _OwO_**

 _Huh?_ That was the first thing my mind recalled away from my **_sleeping_** _thought_? The squint on my eyelids was a mixture between the pain from the blinding light and utter confusion. I didn't remember falling asleep. Though mind you, what was difference between a dark room and closed eyelids?

Standing up from usual clicks in my limbs was simple. Sleep still ached through me but I pushed it away.

Mornings weren't really that eventful to be honest. All I really did was pick up my bag and try to tread to the door without looking at Laf's sleeping body. It hurt too much. Too much to bare.

I wasn't even sure if he liked me back! So what was the point in hoping? Hoping for something that wouldn't happen… I mean, he _has_ shown signs over the years though the difference between a strong friendship and a lover was minute. Practically nothing but romantic gestures and kissing was the only change. The deep trust was there, the secrets, the problems. It may as well have been a mirror image. So the things I have seen from him most likely meant nothing… Nothing except a deep friendship…

My eyes fortunately obeyed and kept their gaze into the dimly lit hallway. I left his slumbered breaths behind and lethargically staggered down the stairs into the lounge.

Like usual, Mary ticked away on a record with pulsing clicks every second.

Despite the Washington household producing a moderate amount of heat, my feet still shook on the oak planking and the same with the tiles in the kitchen.

 **06:52**

Steam rose from the black, handheld boiler as it bubbled with livid heat. The mug clinked against the marble surface and I sighed

This routine felt too normal… it was almost painful… I got up, made coffee and sat on the couch as if my house hadn't been smashed to the ground two nights ago. _Surly_ something was meant to be different. _Surly_ I was meant to _feel_ something terrible.

But I just felt numb. Emotionless. And if anything, that hurt _more_.

Again I sighed, tipping my weight to slouch into the smooth leather of the couch. Like a cushion should, they molded into the back of one of Laf's oversized T-shirt's (well, on me anyway) I slept in the night before. It smelt of him. Freshly dropped clementine's in an autumn breeze.

Despite its burning impression upon my twitching nostrils, I couldn't help but smile at the thought of him. And the thought of his own charming grin, one like I have never seen before. And the thought of his lips against min-

"Stop." I verbally stabbed at myself.

The thoughts were ushered away as quickly as they came also washed down by a quaff of coffee. I hoped to drive away the need for sleep with the brown beverage down my throat, again, hope seemed useless at this point.

My line of sight should have burned through the chimney as I barely blinked. The satchel rested in my clasp as if it would be snatched away at any moment. All of these irrelevant things seemed to portray my mind somehow, seeming eccentrically important- it wasn't.

Just outside of the window, a natural symphony played in sweet tweets. Silhouettes of petit songbirds sang their morning tune, muffling through the glazed glass. With each sip and tweet, I smiled a fragment more. Peace. Even if it were for a second.

"Ah, so here you are."

As if I was a criminal on the run, I made a sharp twist to the bottom of the staircase. Instantly, the smile dropped and was replaced with full, wide eyes. Quivering, all the birds scarpered in flustered flocks away from dancing by the window. Every time he took a step closer, I shuffled away to the edge of the couch until there was barely anymore space. I was trapped by my own cowardice.

"Y- Yeah b-but w-what- what are you doing here?" I croaked tucking a loose hair behind my ear. There was no denying that my body shook with terror though, also a wash of relief was hidden amongst it all- I didn't know why.

"What sort of a question is that?" He smiled slightly and sat on the other end of the sofa.

"I... I don't know you!" I stuttered in a frenzy of panicked breaths.

"Well, yeah, of course you don't! The last and first thing you said to me was, _"H…Hey!"_! And I didn't even reply!" He chuckled and shuffled a little closer to me. "French, wasn't it?"

"I- err... y-yeah…" My eyes drifted up shyly to his deep brown ones. I knew it was the same person, elements like his thick, silky brown hair, perfected lips, dainty nose… Yet he looked completely different at the same time. His skin was richly tanned instead of the ghostly, pale completion I saw him own on Monday. His clothes were of good condition, not ragged with age and growth. Though, the most prominent change was his weight, frame and height. Each one looking bigger, healthy although it didn't watch up to a teenage boy… This made him more relatable to a grown man in his twenty's. Each aspect of him looked changed for on a more positive note, his mesmerising eyes glistening with happy memories. Brighter than the midday sun, his large gaping pupils shone fields of stars in a moon lit sky. Deeper than galaxies. Stronger than steel. They lost me. Made me completely vulnerable to this boy. Or should I have thought…

 _That_ boy…

Or something more like: _That_ boy #2,

I didn't mean to think that far into it, so I drew back my attention back to his expression.

That slight smile he wore suddenly dropped and his eyebrows furrowed. "What's the matter?" He asked, somehow making me feel a small burst of anger.

"Oh, I'm sure _you_ already know." I huffed a little.

"What do you mean?" He questioned, now just inches away from the tips of my toes, my legs tight to my chest.

" _You_ were at the fire too. Don't you _dare_ deny it."

Instead of an outraged reaction I thought I would get from him, he just gave a breathy chuckle. "I won't deny it. I'm sure you know what you saw."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I folded my arms across my chest.

"Exactly what it was supposed to mean." He smiled taking a hand to rest on top of my left knee. I didn't resist. I didn't even flinch. I just… stayed still… as if it was Laf or Martha or Aaron or anybody I'd known for years… But he wasn't somebody like that. I didn't even know his name. "You need to stop over thinking things! It's not healthy!"

"And how would _you_ know?" I shot back, trying to keep up a calm wall.

"Just take it from… personal experience."

"Okay then… what were you doing at the fire?"

"Heh… If you really looked deep into yourself, you'd realise that you wouldn't _want_ to know…"

A cold wave of sweat dripped from my pores.

To cover up my nerves I retaliated back, "You're not making any sense."

"Dreams aren't meant to make sense."

 _Closer… Closer…_

He shuffled _closer…_

"Huh?" I mumbled with faster breaths.

"Come on, surly you would have asked my name by know!" He smirked humorously, as if what he meant was obvious.

"What?"

He stretched his limbs overemphasizing slightly while standing on his built legs and heading in a beeline towards the staircase. Almost instantly, instead of tanned skin, it was fading… becoming even more transparent my the second… His faint smile was weak but still there. Still there and parted for words I didn't have chance to brace for…

 _"_ _Time to wake up."_

 ** _OwO_**

 **(Lafayette's POV)**

I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Falling asleep wasn't easy when your thoughts were sewn together with vague questions and even more complicated answers…

Actually if I was honest, I had most likely drifted in and out of sleep many times during these slow paced hours in the early morning. Though by what must have been the seventh time of waking up from this irregular sequence, I had given up.

Despite the time John woke me up, and the fact on how awfully my body had rested, my eyes were only slightly weighed down.

Not even giving a second thought to the empty bed before me, I stood, cracked my arms on the way to my bedroom door. There was no surprise John was up prior to me, however, the fact he was cowering on the couch did _not_ please me… Not one little bit…

It seemed like he was speaking to someone and for some strange reason, I just stood there. I completely forgot about his terrified position and just watched him. Whatever dream he was having, it looked mild and some part of me believed to leave him be. So I did and walked away to make coffee instead.

I sipped down onto the mug while walking back to the living room, watching the birds play with the light outside the lounge window. They fluttered happily on the morning dew, almost like children with their frantic ways. They were small yet so precious and fragile, as if you could shatter them with a single breath…

Funny I should have thought that really, as John woke up in heavy gasps splintering like a hammer through the glass.

"John?" I questioned uselessly, realising it was irrelevant. "Hey! Hey! C'est d'accord! It's okay!"

The mug slipped out of my fingertips to the windowsill while I leaped over to him. His eyes broadened like he had just seen a ghost, wider than saucers. His jaw shook in the same motion as his limbs, fast and violent.

Was he having a panic attack? Or was it simply just a bad dream? Even though there was nothing _'simple'_ about this. Either way, I couldn't resist the temptation to wrap my arms around him.

"Shh…" I hushed on repeat.

To my surprise, he came out of the shakes faster than I anticipated and gripped to my waist. However, with the way he still buried his gaze into the wall, I couldn't shake the thought on how he didn't know what he was doing. Or in other words, the tight grip he held on me meant _nothing_. So I could give up hope on that dream…

"That's it… Steady breaths… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9… 10… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9… 10…" Again, I recited and in shaky murmurs, he eventually caught on too.

"1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9… 10… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9… 10…"

"Good." I spoke gently, squeezing his forearm subtly. "Are you okay?"

"I… Y- Yes… Thanks…" He shut his eyes as if collecting himself or trying to keep his mind stable. I couldn't help but stare. All his beauty rushing past me in a gust.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry I'm such a trouble… Honestly, I don't mean to get in the way…"

 _What?_

"What do you mean?!"

"I mean exactly what I said, Laf… I'm definitely no help here… All I seem to do is cause a problem…"

Fury was stewing in the front of my mind, almost ready to bubble over…

"Stop talking."

"What?"

"Stop talking."

"I-I'm sorry."

"You need to stop saying those things. None of us think that. I really like you here and I'm positive George and Martha want you too."

"I- I'm sorry…"

"Shh… Just… Please don't say things like that again. The fire wasn't your fault. Your father being in there **_wasn't your fault_**. There is no point with the ' _if'_ s' and ' _could have'_ s' I know you're thinking of. You couldn't have stopped it and you never started it. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Believe me."

"Y-Yeah- I… guess…"

"Hey… You're going to be okay."

 _Tighter_ , he held onto me, clenching his jaw down with more force. He began to breathe heavier eventually relaxing to let his eyes fall closed. But he wasn't asleep, just emotionally exhausted.

I guess if I were to look on the bright side, this dream wasn't as bad as the others he's captured since the fire. But a part of me knew it could have been a one off.

"Do- Do you want me to get some water?" I asked, leaning back into the cushions.

"Yeah…" He kept his eyes closed and didn't even look up when I walked to the kitchen, picking back up my abandoned coffee. I made his drink up but on hearing footsteps upstairs, I made two black coffee's as well.

The expected two walked down the steps and gave John a pitiful look before walking to the kitchen. I handed both the warm mugs but said nothing. I let Martha fill the silence.

"Did John have another dream?"

I nodded, suddenly driving my attention to my fingernail.

She breathed a sigh into her mug and looked towards the lounge, John's eyes still closed.

"Is he asleep again?" She asked.

"Non. He's awake exhausted all is…"

" _'_ _Is all'_ Gil." Papa corrected before reaching for the water in my hands. "I'll give this to him. You two have breakfast.""

But instead of walking over to John, he stepped closer to me. "You did really well, Gil. I'm proud of you."

My attention shifted to his face and he just smiled, I returning his warm gesture.

"Okay," Martha spoke before reaching for four plates on top of an oak shelf, "do you want toast?"

I gave a genuine smile to the sudden normality washed inside the kitchen. "Can we add bacon to the mix?"

Martha gave out a small laugh along with a soft smile gracing her lips.

"Sure." And she took the bacon out of the refrigerator.

 **(3** **rd** **Person)**

John didn't remember much from that morning. Well… Everything other than that blood-curdling dream which left him in buckets of sweat…

He only briefly remembered Lafayette getting him a glass of water, but the boy didn't return for what felt like hours. He was just simply left there, lost in a maze of questions he couldn't understand. All were too confusing to put into completed words- and he was too exhausted to think about anything other than breathing. Long, hard, heavy breaths flooding controlled out his lungs…

After much mental encouragement to his weary eyes, they opened. But also a queer buzzing sound next to his ear.

"…hn …Jo… oh… Jo…n… John…"

 _Oh god. Not this again._ He thought with much frustration.

"John?" The noise repeated before he actually responded.

"Yeah?"

Almost instantly his eyes fuzzed back to George's crouched figure next to him.

"Gil got you some water. We're making breakfast if you want to grab some?"

John gladly took the water taking gradual sips, almost forgetting the last question that was said.

"Do you want any breakfast?"

There was a nagging from his stomach to say yes but, he couldn't get the words out his mouth nor nod his head. He felt greedy. Why should he accept food from them he was already a burden to their lives? Anyway, loads of people at school skipped breakfast! He'd just be consuming something he didn't need. He could skip _one_ meal, right?

"No thanks." He smiled to George over the top of his glass, "I'm not hungry."

George looked at him in disbelief but John just smiled wider to make his point clear.

"Fine… But you _are_ having lunch, okay?" He raised his eyebrows and John just nodded in guilt.

George parted into the kitchen and John let out a small sigh, putting his almost full glass back on the table suddenly letting his thirst die with his hunger.

Lafayette, Martha and George finished their meal and joined together in the living room once the pots were washed. Each carried on their own tasks for around ten minutes before loud bang was heard from the porch.

The suddenness of a hard knock at the door seemed to stun them all. Lafayette quickly pushed out of his seat and walked to answer this person.

 _Who could be calling at this time?_ He wondered reaching for the keys in the tray.

The breeze outside was slight yet cooling all the same. The woman stood on the doorstep was familiar to the teen except took him a moment to realise exactly who she was.

 _Mary Robinson_. Was the name he registered. _The police officer that spoke to us the night of the fire._

"Hello? Aren't you Lafayette?" She spoke softly with a smile, that seemed quite genuine if he was honest.

"I- Oui." He responded, slightly stunned.

"Are your parents in? And John? I've come to talk about some things you have probably been wondering this past day."

The teen nodded his head gladly and gestured into the house.

"Who is it Gil?" Martha called from inside.

"Officer Robinson! She's come to talk about..." He stopped himself, wondering if there was any other word that he could say, "... the fire."

Martha soon appeared in the doorway and nodded. They all sat down on the couch asking if drinks were needed- they we not.

"So, John Laurens, am I right?" She began, shuffling to face him.

"Y-yes..."

"Okay, John, is it okay if I ask some questions?"

John just simply nodded and made eye contact, trying to seem confident. Underneath, however, he was a lost lamb in the fog...

"Alright," She began again, "where were you the night of the fire?"

"I was out with my friends. I had called my dad at school, he cleared it up to be back by nine thirty."

"Okay. Do you know if anyone had something against your father?"

"Well, my father wasn't liked by many people. He had views that... wasn't seen as 'appropriate' for this age."

"What were these views?"

"He- erm... he was a very homophobic and racist man. My whole family is really... Other than me, my older brother and mother... She died years ago though... My younger siblings aren't really old enough to have views so…"

"I'm sorry about that. What do you think of your father and his views?"

"I hate the things he says. But I can't help but love him... He's my dad."

Lafayette squirmed at this, just out of John's eyesight.

"Of course. Now, I need to talk about who you can stay with. I understand two of the only eligible family members you have are your uncle and brother. Am I right in saying he's at a university in England?"

"Yes. But about my uncle, I wouldn't want to stay with him... My younger siblings are fine with him! He loves them with all his heart, I know that. But... he's a bigger homophobe than my father and won't even let me in his house..."

She stopped and looked up, pity covering up every expression. "So, are you saying you're gay?"

"... Yes..."

A silence filled the room, this was a surprise to all but Lafayette, who has known for a long time. George and Martha however, had only had snippets of information over the years. For him to say it out loud, was a shock to everyone...

"Is it hard for you at home? Presuming he knows."

"He does and, yes."

"So, other than your uncle, who we've clarified you won't be staying with, and your brother in England, do you have anyone else?"

"No. but my brother will be home in two weeks."

"So, are you okay staying with the Washington's?"

"Yes."

"Alright, until we can speak to your brother, it would be best if you stayed here."

John smiled and gave a small glance over to Laf, leaning on the back of the couch. "That's fine."

"Now, I need you ask you, Mr and Mrs Washington, are you okay with looking after John?"

George looked at his wife and too, smiled.

"Yes, that would be fine."

Mary returned the grin, "Good. But I need to ask, who currently lives in this household?"

"It's just me, my wife and Gil."

Martha frowned, leaning forward in her seat, "What about Alexander?"

Everybody (with an exception of Mary) briskly gaped, George being the only one to speak.

"Ah… yes… On Friday we are meant to be looking after a new foster son. But everything is still fine for John to stay with us."

Mary pondered on this for a moment, debating the options in her mind. Something most likely lawful, considering if this was legal.

"That's okay." She decided on, adding a smile to make it seem more real.

"Erm… Do-do you know anything about my father?" John asked, sitting even farther forward in his seat.

"Yes. He's alive but in a deep coma. The doctors unfortunately don't know when he'll wake up. He caught extremely severe burns and he inhaled a lot of smoke. He also broke his legs in the process."

John couldn't speak. He wanted to say at least, _"When can I see him?"_ , or, _"Will he be okay in the end?"_. But his voice was drained from words.

"Do you know how the fire started? Gas leak? Arson?" George commented, trying to move on the subject.

"Not yet. But I can assure you that you will be one of the first we inform if we know anything."

George simply nodded his head in agreements.

"That is all I have at the moment. Thank you for time, Washington's, Gil, John. If you have anything else you want to ask, be sure to call the station."

Gil smiled at her warmly, standing up to walk to the door. The small breeze was still blowing outside, masking each tree with rustles.

"Are you happy about getting a new brother?" Mary asked, tightening her coat at a suddenly stronger gale.

"Oui." Laf spoke confidently because for once in these few day, it was true. "It'll just be strange not having a spare room anymore though!"

She chuckled, "I can only imagine. But I'm sure you'll be a great brother, Lafayette. Don't worry."

Laf looked at her slightly taken back. She grinned, nodded and left down the path, crunching freshly fallen leaves as she went. Lafayette didn't move however, he just leant on the doorway, admiring the dog walker's grace as she gave a small stumble on the curb. The way her small children plodded along with her. _Two boys_ : he noted, _brothers_.

His smile smiled widened. _Is this what brothers do?_

The two boys pushed each other playfully laughing as the other dodged a small swing. Laf leaned out farther into the wind, waving to them as they passed the gate. Only one waved back though, small with brown hair. Whereas his other with a blond mop (both with the same dazzling, sapphire eyes), pulled him away to catch up with their mother at a lamppost, smiling.

Was this what brothers did?

He couldn't really remember his biological brother that much. His name was Michel and he was five years older than Laf himself. His hair was dirt brown with bright green eyes yet, it wasn't like lush grass… No, more like a fresh moss beneath a shady tree. Similar to the forests he used to live by. Like he said, he didn't remember his brother. A game of hide-and-seek inside that forest was all he had…

His brother died when Laf was nine. Suicide was the killer. Michel was only 14… _14_ … And there were no signs… Not even a proper goodbye… Only a piece of paper Laf didn't even get to read… His dad took it with him when he left one night and never came back. All _he_ left was money for Laf's mother.

About three months later he and his mother flew to Virginia, bags packed and hotel booked for two weeks. She had said they would find a house soon, close to the middle school he was starting after the break.

That didn't happen.

There was no new house with him and his mother. There wasn't even the hotel she promised him. Just a car, a lot of blood and Gil weeping over his mother's body.

There was no new house with him and his mother. There wasn't even the hotel she promised. Just a foster home filled with American strangers for two weeks. He shared a room with a kid called Jamie. About the same age or maybe a few months older. Jamie was very small, but a very wise kid. Spoke French with only a few grammatical mistakes Laf picked up on, but he could still understand it. Jamie was the only one to first give him the nick-name 'Lafayette' or just 'Laf'. His parents, brother and nearly all the people back home in France just called him 'Gil' or 'Gilbert'. So when he first met the Washington's, it did make him feel a lot more at home.

Jamie was his first 'dip' to American life. Teaching him a few words like, "Hello", "Please", "Thank you", "Yes", "no" and "goodbye". Laf still loved the French words better: "salut". "merci", but could also understand why so many people spoke the language (even though it was a lot more complicated than what it should be).

When he had first met the Washington's, he was shocked. For starters, their house was enormous compared to what he was used to. Secondly, their personalities were more or less the same to his own parents. George was strong-minded, wise and caring- just like his father before his drinking problem. Martha was a spitting image to his mother. Almost like her spirit was down from heaven and inside this woman. Kind, determined, loyal, funny. Laf had picked up on these over the years. But his main shock was that they knew French. Well… by the end of it they did… After visits and stays, they took French to add to their list of knowledge. George was already fluent in German and Latin whereas Martha had Japanese and Italian as hers.

Despite them knowing French, they encouraged him to speak American for the next few years. They had only really cut him some slack in Freshman year. High School (mainly because he took French as a chosen language).

But he did love the Washington's. Nobody could replace the ones he'd lost but… George and Martha cut it very close. He was happy with his new parents. He had never had to really deal with a new brother… Despite not remembering Michel too well, he knew that he loved him with his heart, in life _and_ death. Their bond was too strong and that must have been why Laf couldn't remember his older brother that well… He didn't _want_ to know a life without him…

The small blond boy pulled his brother up the street to where his mother and dog waited patiently. A smile never dropped from either of their faces, almost like a beacon louder than the sun in the sky.

Laf closed the door as soon as Mary's car pulled away from the path, passing the family he watched so inquisitively before. He returned to the living room and stunned by how everyone had quickly everyone had switched to normality. Whatever _that was_ anymore…

John was sketching on the couch, Martha was getting out her laptop and George headed upstairs (to get ready for word no doubt).

The French teen was a little bit lost at this point and walked to Mary, swinging on the wall.

 ** _09:50_**

George had to be at work by 10:30.

He aimlessly stretched his arms and walked up the stairs to grab his phone and school books. He opened his messages to Herc, flinging himself to his desk.

 **Laf (just now): Just had the police speak to us**

 **Herc (Just now): RLY?! Wat they say?!**

 **Laf (just now): Well John's staying with us until we can reach his brother, his dad's in a pretty bad state, George and Martha found out he's gay and it's gonna be a full house with the five of us.**

 **Herc (just now): 5? 4 god sake! U need 2 stop counting that clock as a damn family member!**

 **Laf (1 minute ago): Okay, for one- Mary IS family. And two, you forgot Alexander! -_-**

 **Laf (just now): Herc?**

 **Herc (just now): …**

 **Herc (just now): Laf… Who's Alexander?**

 **Laf (just now): My new foster brother? xD Jesus Christ mon amie!**

 **Herc (just now): ….. U never mentioned a new foster brother B4 Laf….**

The boy's heart dropped in his chest. He let his pen fall from his fingers and bit his nail unsure with what to reply. He typed out many answers but never hit send for any of them. It must have been five minutes before Herc sent a message instead.

 **Herc (just now): Oh screw this. I'm coming over.**

 **Laf (just now): Are you bringing Aaron?**

 **Herc (just now): Can't. His foster parents forced him 2 go 2 school**

 **Laf (just now): Crap. Hope Theo is free….**

 **Herc (just now): Yeah… Anyway, I'll B there in 10**

 **Laf (just now): Okay. Can you bring your school books too?**

 **Herc (just now): Laaafff! Rly? Is this the right time?**

 **Laf (just now): Noooo…. Buuuttt…..**

 **Herc (just now): Ur unbelievable but sure.**

 **Laf (just now): Thnx! C u in 10?**

 **Herc (just now): Cu in 10.**

Laf slipped his phone back to the desk and went to his wardrobe.

Laf was normally the type to spend a _long_ time picking out outfits, not to mention when they go out to dinner someplace. However, this time he just slung on just jeans and a baggy V-neck before heading to the bathroom, completing his usual routine.

He stepped out the bedroom door minutes later, meeting George in the hallway. They smiled, George letting his son bound down the stairs first.

Martha pecked her husband on the head before waving him off through the window. She turned around to Laf laying down on the rug and chuckled. John smiled too, looking over his sketch book.

"Why do you do that?" He laughed, watching Laf rub his cheek on the rug.

"It's comfy." Was all he said,

"Yeah, well, so is the couch!" John looked over in an amused disbelief.

Suddenly, Laf flipped over to face Martha who was grinning at the whole exchange between friends.

"Ah yes, Maman, Herc will be here soon. Forgot to say."

Martha walked back to her laptop, "That's fine. Will Aaron be coming too?"

"Non. He had to go back to school today."

"Unfortunate." Martha clicked her tongue, "Have you two done your homework/"

"I was going to get it done today." John smiled reaching for his French book.

"Herc and I were doing it today too." Laf spoke then turned to John, "Wanna join?"

John nodded his head, look in his bag for his Journal on what homework was set on the last Monday.

Laf went back to is odd habit of rolling on the rug until the door knocked three, hard times.

"I'll get it!" He called and bounced to the door.

"Herc, mon amie!" He smiled nervously at his friend's stern face. "Come in?"

Herc rolled his eyes but with a grin twitching at the side of his mouth. They entered the housed together and straight to the kitchen.

"Drink?" Laf offered already reaching for a glass.

"Just water thanks."

Herc look over to the door admiring the beauty from the wild garden (like most did usually).

"Hey," He began still looking out the glass, except staring fixed at the empty dog kennel, "where's Jess?"

Laf turned from the sink with two waters in hand.

"Oh, she's stayed with _Grand-mère_ for a week."

Herc made a silent "oh", taking a few gulps from the glass. "Then it really will be a full house. Two adults, a dog and _three_ teen boys. Well I presume _Alexander_ is a teen." He chuckled, "Speaking of…" He turned to Laf. "What's happening with him?"

Lafayette lost the other boy's gaze, "Well… His name is Alexander Hamilton… Same age as us and he's coming this Friday…"

"Friday?!" Herc exclaimed, near to choking on his drink.

"Yeah… That's what John said…"

"So John knows already?"

"Yeah… He sorta _had_ to know."

Herc hummed in agreement and taking the last gulp of water.

"When are you going to tell Aaron? Do you want me to drop in on my way home after school?"

"That's be great thanks."

The two teens stared at each other, grinning for a strange reason. The conversation strayed away from problems, to homework they had to finish soon. John joined behind them once they headed upstairs, chuckling to some inside joke.

Considering it was the first day back, the teachers they had were quite lenient with the work which was set. So when all three of them started to natter, the homework that should have been taken around an hour and a half, ended up becoming double that. The only time they all really got on with it, was when their chosen subject came up: Art for John: Drama for Laf. Herc didn't really have any homework for Gym that day, so he checked his social media instead- quickly skipping past all the drama about John's house.

"Name Shakespeare plays." Laf blurted, leaning onto Herc.

"Romeo and Juliette?"

"Midsummer Night's Dream?"

"Non, non. I've already got those two, Macbeth, Othello, The Tempest, Twelfth Night, Richard III, Much Ado About Nothing and The Winter's Tale. I need ten, I've only got nine."

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be the one to know about this?" Herc shrugged Laf from his shoulder.

"Yeah but… I'm much better at the acting bit!" Laf defended.

"We know!" The other two boys chimed. Lafayette just gave unamused, overdramatic looks at the two.

"Fine! Erm… What about Hamlet?" John suggested.

"Of course! How could I forget that?" Laf scribbled it down in his notebook. "Except… What's it about again?"

"How could you not know that?" Herc laughed.

"Yeah, isn't that to do with the Lion King?" John shut his sketchbook, leaning into the beanbag.

" _Oui, mais je suis français_." Lafayette smirked, proud of his home country.

John hummed in agreement.

"Hey look guys," Herc shoved his phone to his pocket, "why don't we watch a movie?"

"Like the Lion King?" Laf looked at them both repeatedly.

"Are you serious?" Herc raised an eyebrow.

Laf was dead serious.

"Yeah! We haven't visited childhood on a while!" John added, carefully putting away his sketchbook.

"You guys are such children." Herc laughed at the other two's guilty expression.

"Oh, come on you big teddy bear! You know you want to!" Laf hugged tight against Herc's back cooing in his ear playfully.

"I-" Was all he got to say before Lafayette rammed back in with an answer,

"Great! Come on!" Laf stood and bounced down the stairs, John in tow and Herc rolling his eyes but followed along too.

Martha was still typing as they sat on the couch's. She simply just looked up at the three before getting her head back down to work. She was surprised however, when she heard the theme tune to… _Lion King play?_

She smiled to herself knowing the feeling of s 'blast-from-the-past' moment in her life. Even if it was just from pictures scattered like stars across walls or, an anniversary. She was a treasurer of time. Or at least, that's how she saw herself.

Eventually, she quit her thoughts and gave a final glance to the three boy's huddled on the couch. Yet one particular glance towards John and Gil, leaning against each other in the shadow of the sofa.

 **Author's Note:** **ARRGGHHHHH! ITS DONE! WHOOOOPP!**

 **Well *sweats nervously*… Hi? I'm not dead? :D**

 **Oh god. It feels amazing to finally get back to all of you! I had so much I wanted to say but now I've finally got here, to this Author's Note, I really don't know what to put…**

 **First I need to make it clear that I have changed Lafayette's backstory because this seems more realistic than what I had before!**

 **Oh yeah! I SAW THE WESTEND HAMILTON! SO FREAKING AMAZING! Anyone who is going to see it, you are in for a treat! If you've seen the Bootleg on YouTube, I dare say that this London Cast is better than the Original! (No hate towards the Original Cast I promise!) The only people I keep the same are Eliza (Pipa) and Aaron Burr (Leslie) tbh. Both KG3's are as good as each other! So beautifully stunning!**

 **Also, I need to ask, what do you think of this being in 3** **rd** **Person? I think I might continue the story like that, except 1** **st** **Person for Alex most of the time? It's be easier for me actually but tell me what you'd like though!**

 **Anyway xD**

 **Please leave your reviews! I love you all so much when you do!**

 **I'll be back soon!** ** _(And psst… Sneak peek for next chapter… Alex is in some deep sh*t… Shhhhh… I didn't tell you…)_**

 **Signing off for the first in a LONG time,**

 **-L.E-Rae _x_**


	8. Chapter 8- Look a Little Closer

**_Eventually, she quit her thoughts and gave a final glance to the three boy's huddled on the couch. Yet one particular glance towards John and Gil, leaning against each other in the shadow of the sofa._**

 **Trigger Warnings: Detailed abuse, disturbing scenes.**

 **Chapter 8- Look a Little Closer**

 **(Alex's POV)**

The darkness was heavy and pressing. Aching and burning. Every time I sucked in a breath I thought the pain was over. Of course stupid me thought that. I should have learned by now.

Repeated hits to every inch of my flesh, devouring every sense I could think of.

I couldn't move.

I couldn't speak.

 _"_ _Don't resist, Ali! Don't_ _ **fucking**_ _resist!"_

I couldn't speak. Only scream out my agony through tears and sweat… even _blood_.

I couldn't locate where exactly, But it was there. Hot, thick, metallic liquid cascading down my skin. Shrills from my voice box ricocheted around my skull- muddled- but still there.

Soon without warning it was snapped off abruptly. It took me a moment to realise the sudden stop of my voice.

 _Was it me? Or had he finally given in?_

Half of both things were true. It was him and me. But he hadn't given up in the slightest.

Fingers wrapping like cobras around my neck with razor- like fangs burying through my fresh. Stars began to swell around my vision as I too started to claw pathetically at his hands. Rivers of tears tumbled like marbles down my cheeks only adding slight blur to his venomous grin ebbing in the middle.

In that moment, I thought that was it. That I would soon see a bright light curling in the gloom somewhere around me. But there was no light. No voice or dust trail guiding me away from this place. The darkness just kept coming and coming and running its course through my veins. I hadn't tasted oxygen in so long that once I came crashing to the floor with the vice relinquishing from my airways, it _burned_ to take it in. My lungs were on fire with gasps and splutters saturating in through more places than could think of.

He was hissing, spitting my name through his teeth.

 _Don't resist… Don't resist Ali… Don't_ _ **fucking**_ _resist…_

That was all he ever seemed to say. To him, it was a greeting, _"Hello there. How are you? I couldn't care less but here's a hit to show you my 'love'."_

I could only squint through my eyes and lay my head against the icy tiles. I couldn't move. It was physically impossible. So when he stooped down to grab a fist full of my hair, I dangled limp by the strands. With careless force, he dragged me to shove me against the wall near the stove. I could hear the water sweltering… the steam beginning to exaggerate inside the room.

He was going to burn me.

My thoughts went spiralling off the tracks, completely demolishing into a world of terror inside me. Even though I lay limper than a sodden scarf, the way the panic spread like wildfire in the pit of my stomach should have been enough to shake me up and think of a way out. But I was too exhausted to show anything. Even when he began to unwind the belt from his waist I had already succumbed to the pain.

 _"_ _Thrash._

 _Thrash._

 _Thrash."_

I could already hear way the air whipped by it. Already feel the leather skate along my black and blue skin.

But it never came.

My eyes opened wider when I heard the belt drop to the floor with a small _'clink'_.

He stepped closer… closer some more… Until he was literally straddling my lap.

The zip to his trousers began to glide down and same with the buttons until they fell completely off.

 _No. Hit me. Burn me. But not this._ _ **Not this.**_

"Now, now Ali. You know you want to you **shit**. Don't resist."

Through my hair his grimy fingers laced and scored.

 _No. No. No._

The alcohol in his breath intoxicated my mouth as he shoved down onto it, wrapping our tongues together as I tried to push him away. He removed his hands from my hair and dragged me up the wall, still keeping our faces pressed together. His eyes were closed whereas mine were wide, open and tearing up in fright. His grasp was razored and pressing down my quaking body. His hands began to slide down further down me hovering over a place no one was meant to be.

 _No. No. No._

"No." I gasped away from his mouth.

I don't know why I did it. But the fact was that I did it. As scrawny and as battered as my muscles were, I shoved him away with all the strength I could muster until he plummeted down onto the stove. The smell of boiling water and frying flesh rained through the air. He howled with a piercing screech to my ears yet I shot up with many a stumble in my step. You could see the raw, redness of his skin blistering over within seconds.

He was angrier than the burns gushing down his torso. His eyes were set alight with hell's fire.

So I ran.

However, it was more of a stagger. I sped as fast as the agony would allow me towards the kitchen door. Instantly, my fingers fumbled for the keys as I heard him struggle from the floor.

 _Come on! Come on!_

I had never thought the click of a door unlocking could hold such a relief to me. I never gave myself a chance to relish in the fresh air before I bolted with no sense of balance towards the lose fence panel. My hands grasped for the splintered wood and also screamed out once they were pierced with the wood fragments.

In daylight, the ally didn't seem too long. Our house was the farthest in yet, at that point felt like miles. My own limbs were beginning to shut down and stumble helplessly in front of my path. Many, many times I thumped to the floor letting glass, rust and gravel migrating into my kneecaps. Thick blood oozed out by the sharp tears amid my flesh.

Blood, tears and a light, drizzling rain drooling down my face. Droplet after droplet after droplet. It was an infinite source pooling all over my figure.

With a heavy wave of pain surging through me, I straightened up to cup a lose brick in my palm and pried my body back up.

Air flooding like a pump in and out of my lungs scorching my airways with each rapid breath.

 _Just keep moving._

I couldn't obey as much as I prayed. I had to stay statue-still leaning on this crumbling wall. There was no calm. Just- stillness with in me.

And suddenly I stumbled again, over something that looked a lot to me like a curb…

 _Wait. Curb… Path…_ _ **Road**_ _…_

The fear hit me like a truck, physically knocking me off my feet, just before a painfully bright light screeched through me.

The grunt of wheels…

The painful throb in my chest…

Bright lights destroying me from the outside…

And the world went black.

 ** _OwO_**

 **(3** **rd** **Person)**

Martha was so engrossed with her work that once her phone vibrated with a call next to her, she might have missed it. Originally, she thought it would have been George ringing for some unbeknown reason. So she just answered the caller with not much of a second thought.

"Hello? Is this Martha Washington speaking?" A middle-aged woman spoke from the other line. Instantly this shutdown Martha's calm replacing it with utter confusion.

"Yes-" Martha took the phone from her ears to see who this stranger was… She looked.

 _Oh._

"Hello? Miss?" The woman spoke from the line.

"Yes, yes. Sorry about that." Martha shot up a little too hastily before carrying herself to the office upstairs.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Gil pull out a puzzled look, but he almost instantly looked back towards the TV.

"That's absolutely fine Mrs. Washington. My name is Jessica Whitman, Alexander Hamilton's social worker."

"Ah yes, we met the other day?" Martha sat down on the office chair, creating small, spun circles with the chair wheels.

"That's correct." Jessica was slightly hesitant with her words.

"Is Alexander okay?" Martha couldn't help but let her mothering instincts blurt. But to make matters worse, Jessica paused. Martha gulped.

"That's why I'm calling."

"O-oh."

"You see, last night, there was an… incident with his foster father. It resulted in him having to stay overnight in a hospital."

Martha had to lean back for a moment. She knew that he was in a bad place at the moment but had no clue _how_ bad.

"I-is he okay?" She just managed to stutter.

"He's stable and from what I know, will be released tonight."

Martha knew what she was trying to say.

"So… So are you- do you need us to take him in tonight?"

Pause.

"Yes. But it's completely fine if you want to still wait until Friday. I know it's only Wednesday so if you can't take him, I'm sure we can put him in a temporary care home."

"No. We'll still take him." There was exactly no thought into her answer with not even an afterthought. As soon as Whitman had mentioned "care home", her mind was made up. Gil had talked to her about the care home he had to go to.

 _"_ _Crowded. Noisy. Distressing.",_ was how he described it.

 _"_ _But I was lucky really."_ He had mentioned, _"There are many worse than that."_

"That sound great!" Jessica sighed in relief (probably because Martha had just saved her another hour of work), "I'm at that hospital now so would we be able to drop him off at around eight? I think we could make it there by then."

"Yes. That's perfectly fine."

 _Was it?_ She couldn't think rationally.

Jessica continued with some irrelevant information before shutting off the call with a final goodbye.

 _Silence._

Martha let her feet swing absently between the table legs as if each kick would somehow bring her back to reality. It did bring some sort of realism, however one she wished to shake.

Firstly, she had mountains of work for tomorrow, being in court. Secondly, (despite how much she should had done it yesterday) Alexander's room still had to be made up. George was at work both today _and_ tomorrow plus John was still off from school.

 _The weekend would have been better_. She thought. But it wasn't. The universe had changed the time so she could care for Alexander. This was meant to happen for a reason.

Martha clipped away from her thoughts and back to her phone. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it properly.

 ** _OwO_**

Lafayette stayed motionless, cooped into the corner of the sofa even while the credits rolled.

"Now do you get it?" Herc chuckled, launching across a pillow to the French teen.

"Wow. I haven't watched _that_ film since I was like, eight!" John attempted to bat away the misdirected cushion.

"But don't you still watch 'Up'?" Laf teased.

" _And_ cry _every time_ you watch it?" Herc raised an eyebrow.

"Hey!" John barked, sending his posture a serious stance, "Don't diss Up."

After a moment of silence, laughs began to stifle from the boys' lips and soon erupted.

"You're such a child!" Herc poked him on the forehead.

"Yeah? Well, you're a real jerk!"

Herc could taste the fun retort on his tongue although once Martha burst back down the stairs, he swallowed it away.

"Maman? Tu d'accord?"

Martha turned to her son, slightly frazzled and frantic.

"Yes but…" Her mouth opened to say something but she snapped it closed again, running a hand through her hair.

"Maman?"

"I… Gil I…" She sighed closing her eyes lightly, "Alexander he… he had an incident last night and had to stay the night in hospital. His social walker just called me and explained the situation." She took in a firm breath, "I agreed with her that he could arrive tonight."

Lafayette wanted to speak but couldn't quite find the words. John was dazzled too and gazing towards Herc for a reaction. For all he knew, Herc didn't have a clue about Alexander. However, he showed no prodding look resulting in John concluding that Laf had already told him.

"I- er- I think it'd be best if I left…" Herc picked himself up from the sofa feeling extremely awkward in the circumstance and the sudden drop into silence.

To Laf, Herc's departure was just a distant background action. His mind was already encasing him far too deep in worry and concern. He didn't know Alexander, but the fact that his reoccurring family history with disappearing people really shot back some shock over him. The way he would imagine his brothers paled, limp arms sent more than chills over him every time.

But he didn't _know_ Alexander! Though he supposed it was because over the day, the thought of a brother seemed to grow on him. However, he still didn't **_know_** Alexander! Although… he still cared… Especially once it dawned on him how Martha hadn't mentioned _what_ had happened to him. He gulped.

Martha took a seat down on the sofa opposite to the two.

"I've called George," She entwined her own fingers like a hinge, "He's going to try and get off work as soon as he can but today's going to be busy. I've still got work tomorrow and we need to clean house and make up the spare room…" By that point, John and Lafayette began to wonder if what Martha said was meant for them to hear, or just a spoken thought for herself.

"Well, John and I can start on Alexander's room." Lafayette had stood up giving an eyeing look towards John to also take the hint.

"I can't thank you enough!"

Gil just smiled modestly and sprung up the staircase.

As John reached the top of the stairs, Laf was already pulling out bedding from a cupboard on the landing. The boy wondered over finding amusement in Lafayette's confusion trying to find the last matching pillowcase. John just gathered all the bedding and moved into the spare room. _Alexander's_ room.

"Ah ha!" He had heard Laf gasp from just outside of the door, waving around the missing cover. Laf bounded up next to him, batting the sheet on John's head.

Within the minute, John was left alone to make the bed whereas Laf started on dusting and organising the dresser and desk.

Martha popped up five minutes later to supply bathroom products (shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, razors, etc…). John took on that job once he'd finished the bed, making sure everything was neat and carefully placed (he was an artist after all).

Yes, this all sounded productive, but once those two- being the teens they were- couldn't resist to play about a little bit, mainly to act as a distraction from what was really happening in their life.

As much as Gil denied it, he started it (but if you did know him, that would hold no surprise) by throwing the pillows off the bed while John was sorting out the bathroom. However, once he exited, instantly spotting the mess, a small smile played at his lips, trotting over to the desk in the corner, 'accidently' knocking over a pot of pens. Lafayette, from the edge of his vision, gave a lopsided smirk while clearing up the mess, etching closer to John stood next to him.

Without any warning, he lunged for John's waist tickling him mercilessly. John began to cease into fits of laughter, they come up from his lungs in attacks, racking his entire body as he playfully kicked to get away. The two began stumbling backwards with John's cramps of laughter, Lafayette fell. They both came crashing down, Gil falling over the top of John.

They both couldn't help but gaze.

Lafayette's eyes twinkled with the reflection of the sun's stark white light oozing through the window. His heart beat like that butterfly he was used to, thrashing to be released from the cage it was restrained in. His lips yearned for a heat, he had to bite the inside of his cheek as a kerb.

John however only felt a pain, jabbing multiple daggers into his core. The agony of desire, but knowing the ripest apple is just too out of reach. Instead of a butterfly, it was a mediaeval mace smashing against his ribs. Cyanide coursing through his veins. How much he wanted to look at the other boy's lips but was terrified for what would happen if he did. So just stared into his eyes instead, bathing deep in his colours.

Lafayette was waiting for some reaction, something to latch onto to provide him the courage to feel those soft lips. But it never came. If anything, John looked awkward gazing backup at him. Were all the signs he read before nothing? Was he mislead my his own damn feelings? Did John even feel the same way? Obviously not.

God, how John wanted to snatch Laf down onto him! Hold him in his arms for eternality and never let go. But he couldn't… To John, Lafayette just looked awkward above him. He knew the feelings Lafayette showed must have only been platonic. _Nothing except a deep friendship._ He waited, waited for a lead to something else. But it never came. Of course Laf didn't feel the same way.

Why would he?

It that moment, it was silent to the other but deafening in their own ears, a heart cracking. The other didn't feel the other way, right? What was the point?

Little did they know, if they'd just looked a bit closer, things would have changed for them both.

Lafayette flipped off John a little too hastily, the latter sitting up and having his eyes darting around the room trying to finding something to focus on. It was pointless.

John heard Lafayette mumble something beneath his breath but it never caught on.

They both carried on organising the room with no words spoken.

 _If only they looked a little closer…_

 **Authors Note:** **This was going to be longer but I wanted to get this out today! Arrghhh! School starts again tomorrow -_- Save me.**

 **Also, if you do plan to leave a review (which I pray you do) what did you think of the abuse scene? Took me about a week to write that!**

 **Anyway, stay alive annnddd…**

 **Please leave a review! Haven't really got that many recently x**

 **-L.E-Rae _x_**


	9. Chapter 9- What is my Name?

**_The fear hit me like a truck, physically knocking me off my feet, just before a painfully bright light screeched through me._**

 ** _The grunt of wheels…_**

 ** _The painful throb in my chest…_**

 ** _Bright lights destroying me from the outside…_**

 ** _And the world went black._**

 **Chapter 9- What is my Name?**

 **Trigger Warnings: Hospitals, sickness, self-hate, mild panic attacks, physical hurt, hinted abuse.**

 **(Alex's POV)**

"Alex? Are you ready?" A knock sounded from my room with a head following around. Jessica stood in the doorway and looked on in pity at my state. I didn't answer, just turning towards a mirror. My face was bruised. My neck was bruised. Underneath these clothes, my calves, thighs, arms, wrists, chest and back were also bruised. Thunderclouds of purple, blue, green blossoming came across my skin. Knee caps padded with bandages, underneath them, many tiny, yet, deep cuts. They'd been cleaned but I couldn't help but feel so dirty, grimy, gross. Yes, my physical aspect was sanitised but swap that with my mind and you have a complete twist in circumstances.

"Alex?" She stepped further into the room but I couldn't face her. I simply gazed into my own dull eyes, whatever spark was left there before was now totally spent. Discarded like garbage. Deliberately knocked out of me on that road just outside that house. However, that car may have been the best thing to happen to me in the last year. My last chapter was about to be left behind in this room. Alas, that was just a chapter. I was too far into my story at this point to begin a sequel.

"Alex." Jessica placed a hand on my shoulder, causing me to flinch. Her hand didn't move though and just turned me around to face her. Our eyes never met nonetheless. She sighed deeply and handed me my old rucksack.

"We got it back from Mr. Montgomery's. Everything's in there I think." She smiled a smile etched with empathy as I just nodded at the floor, his name just an icy void. I shivered.

"You've also got your medication in there." She added, "Penicillin, painkillers. Things like that."

Once she realised I wasn't going to humour her with conversation, she just pulled an arm around me, guiding me through the halls of the hospital. Buzzing, chatter and wheels screeching along the tiles seemed to tick the sound box in my brain. My eyes just continued to scan my tatty shoes as they trod with a limp next to her own.

Outside the hospital, the air blew frigidly and the clouds loomed over the sky above. The street lights outlined the fragments framed in the trees around the carpark. Each a little silky strand of light glistening on the edges. Jessica's crystal blue eyes also caught the glint as well as the ginger bun she kept messy on her head. Her car was parked at a halfway point, a silver sedan. The leather seats chilled and magnified by the glass windows from the outside temperature.

She offered out the front seat but I settled for the back, tightly clutching the tatty bag to my chest. Her radio hummed but I never payed attention to what she put on. It was usually just some sports station that aimlessly discussed football. I really didn't see the point of those talk show things. You don't need a group of men to explain how Rooney kicked the ball or how Hugo Lloris missed the ball by an inch therefore it cost them the whole game. If you're that much of a fan, you'd use your eyes, and you'd watch the game. Besides, all you do is watch a fit man or woman kick a piece of leather around a grass field. I knew there was skill involved with it and I guessed it was okay to watch once and a while. But the fact these people get paid more than nurses and doctors who save lives every day, that was just wrong.

I blew out a breath, fogging up the windowpane. Houses bent into the next, those lines in the road snaked beneath us and the sight of peoples' frozen faces as we whizzed by. Like their eyes followed but could never quite grasp an image in their minds, staring right through me. There was the occasional speedbump we forgot to slow down for making Jessica mutter a curse under her breath.

I simply lay limp with the door supporting me slightly slanted. Not even reacting whenever the car made an unexpected break and I lurched forward in my seat.

I didn't know how long I'd be here, I just knew the house was in the area around my school. An area I barely knew. Before, I lived in New York. A grubby, polluted area where sun-dried gum and old cigarette butts speckled the streets. Cracks splitting down tiles in the pavement, potholes littering the skid marked roads. Not all of New York related to that city stereotype though, we just happened to live probably the worst area we could. New York was the only place I knew other than… no. I wasn't going to go there.[MM1]

We approached a street which must have been on a much wealthier estate. The gardens were well groomed with almost perfectly pruned greenery. On most, white picket fences stood cute and petit just in front of hedgerows.

The car however continued past into another new area. Taller, larger buildings grounded in strict rows. The flora just as pristine and the gardens just as nurtured. Other than the larger size in houses, the most prominent difference was longer, twisting driveways and shiny new cars parked on the gravel.

Some houses had their curtains open to what must have been a living room immersing in yellow light. Most however had them closed, producing a low glow in the gaps between the fabric and windowsill

I relaxed further into the seat and let my eyes fall closed in preparation for sleep. It was almost certain the car wasn't stopping around such a rich neighbourhood like this one. Except it did.

Altering from the smooth hum of the wheels to crunching, rang out beneath us. One of my eyes lazed behind the other when they flinched open. Outside the window, we were pulling into a gravelled drive, the lawn neat, and bushes lush- even without the midday sun. Their lawn was almost wild compared to how everybody else's was unnaturally flat. This house was large, well, everything around here was large. I hadn't seen any wealth quite like it before. Well, only once.

In most cases, closest thing I had ever got to 'luxury', would have been a working class styled house. Big enough to have your own space, but small enough to be homely. This place was just massive. More tall than wide but still huge in my own mind.

Other houses down the street must have had extensions, because this house (despite its grand size) seemed a lot more reserved and smaller than the others. But it was still massive. There wasn't any contradicting that.

The car came to a halt just along the bend of the drive, just behind an average-sized, white SUV. Jessica didn't say anything except hinting at me through her mirror to open the door first. But I just sat there, fiddling with a hangnail, diverting her eyes from mine. All she could do was let out a sigh, get out the car and open my door with a sort of pitiful frustration in her expression. Though I remained with my eyes down and shuffled in my seat.

"Alex, come on."

I rolled my eyes but urged myself out the car. My first few steps were shaky and weakened but I pushed forward biting back winces. Jessica did offer to put her arm around me, however I shrugged her off. I didn't need anyone. I've handled years by myself and found a way to survive.

I just had to survive.

And people just limited that.

 _"_ _Trust no one, because you can't even trust yourself."_

She gave three knocks on the door but it opened almost instantly. Though my mind slowed everything down in HD. Light trickled out, illuminating our figures stood on the porch. What were they even seeing? A middle-aged woman in a fine, smart attire? Or a damaged, malnourished, sickly looking boy clutching a tatty rucksack to his chest? I daren't even look up. I daren't speak.

A shadow appeared in my peripheral vision while I looked to the floor.

"Hello there!" Jessica stepped forward, no doubt using the smile she was paid to use. "I'm so sorry about the circumstances."

 _Great. She was apologising for me being a complete fuck up._

"That's not a problem, honestly!" My ears pricked up on a woman's smooth, silky voice. Even the small giggle she let go of was sweet and dripping with sugar. Whether it was bitter sugar at this point, I didn't know. I hadn't got to taste beyond the first layer yet.

"Please," she chirped, "come inside."

The light from the door expanded as she must have opened it wider.

Still, I never looked up.

Their floor was oak, well-polished and had early been cleaned. Jessica managed to put an arm around my shoulder to guide me through wherever we were going.

"George," that sweet woman chimed again, "this is Alexander."

"Hello Alexander." His voice was deep, heavy, slightly gruff. My head shot up to meet the man the voice belonged to, my heart was simply drumming with terror.

Amazing how negative always beat the positive, isn't it? I never looked up at the woman because she wasn't a threat (or didn't seem like one). But once he spoke, I had to somehow look danger in the eye.

He was tall. Shit he was tall. It seemed all he was made of was just muscle. What he wore was casual yet, smarter than what most would wear as an everyday outfit. He was the definition of your stereotypical man (other than being black). The kind with no faults in society today. Broad shouldered, wealthy, muscly, tall. Arms that could snap a twig like me with ease. To people on the outside, he could do nothing wrong. Charismatic, charming… He could get away with _anything_ …

My blood ran cold.

"Alexander?" That woman knocked me from my thoughts and directed my attention towards her.

She looked just as pretty as her voice sounded. For starters, her hair was long, black and silky, reaching down to just above a slim waist. Her eyes were glazed over liked newly cut glass, dazzling, their deep, brown colour purely. Her brown skin was beautifully radiant. Every single one of her other features, angelic. But I couldn't get carried away. After all, looks were deceiving.

I didn't realise how silent I was until everyone's eyes were on me, waiting for me to reply. Simply, I waved. Well…. The wave closely resembled a hand twitch along with a dainty smile. Thankfully, this seemed enough of an introduction and the Washington's gave satisfied response.

"Alex, this is George and Martha Washington. I did mean to tell you earlier but-"

"I know." I cracked hoarsely, not bothering to watch the pity in the other twos expression.

"Well, it's nice to meet you Alexander."

Ah. _Alexander_. That name seemed alien at that point, even though I knew it wasn't the first they'd ever said it. It had been years since I'd been called that. _Alexander_. 'Alex' or ''Lex' usually worked as a better substitute. I didn't mind the full name, no. It felt like _home_ being called it. Hot nights in the peak of summer. Every window opened wide just to catch the slight, humid breeze that ran its course through the island. The thick perfume of asopao clouding the house and my mother calling us all into the kitchen, I always being the first by her side.

 _"_ _¡Cuidado,_ _ **Alejandro**_ _! ¡Uno de estos días, marca mis palabras, te caerás!"_

 _"_ _¡No te preocupes mamá! ¡Soy fuerte! ¡Puedo manejar cualquier cosa!"_

She'd chuckle and mess up my already scraggly hair, "I do not doubt it, _mi hermoso chico_."

It was only my family who would call me that- or Lexi or Alejandro. Alexander, I could take others calling me. The only reason I got people to call me either ''Lex' or 'Alex' was because people didn't like how my full name sounded in the states. So I was just 'Alex' or ''Lex'. End of.

I wanted to say 'ditto' or 'same here' or something like that, but these people seemed _far_ too sophisticated for my city slang.

"You too." I forced out with a hint of a 'smile', again, she seemed satisfied.

If it's okay, I'd like to run through some things on the phone." Jessica stepped forward and I subtly hid in her shadow.

"Yes, of course." Mr. Washington, confirmed in a calm voice.

"Thank you, but I've got other appointments I'm late for and New York is a long drive away. I'm going to have to make a quick exit. Thank you again for doing this." Jessica pulled her shoulder bag higher, smiling in apology. I couldn't help but look at her with worried eyes. She bent over and hugged me, not too tightly, but securely. I had to hug back, this might be the last time I saw her in months, years.

I might not have even see her again.

Me and Jessica never really saw eye-to-eye but, she was the only person I could just about trust in this world- even though she wasn't any good at her job. At least, she hasn't exactly done her research into my homes in the past. Who's to say that she'd changed this time? But she had always been there to me.

"I promise Alex, these folks are good people." Her grip tightened as she whispered almost inaudible to my ear.

"You've said that before."

She pulled away still holding me by the shoulders giving me a pitiful look.

She let go and walked back over towards the door, playfully saluting with a smirk, "Good luck kiddo."

I copied her actions hinting at a faint smile. But she soon departed, with the lock of a door. The Washington's stood watching me inquisitively. My bones just simply tremored. A hit? A yell? Their eyes remained content but, _fuck_ looks.

"So, do you prefer Alexander or Alex or…" Mrs. Washington kept up her perfect grin, breaking the enduring silence, not bothering to name all the abbreviations I had. There were many.

I honestly couldn't care what I was called. Unless it was 'Lexi' or 'Ali'. Those two names were off limits. Both from a memory as different as fire and ice. But I don't think I'd have to mention that. 'Alex' or ''Lex' being the usual, the two other names weren't the first alternative to come to mind.

"I-I don't mind either way."

Despite my stutter, the two remained content. I'd presume they were still smiling, but I watched as my feet rubbed small, hovering circles into their oak floors. I needed to stop acting so pathetic, act strong and confident, show that they couldn't break me if they tried. However, none of that was true. On the inside, I _was_ broken. Like a log infested with woodworm, it looks normal, but is weak, being eaten from the inside out.

Just straightening up my posture, giving a small smile made all the difference- even if it would never reach my eyes.

 _It's always the eyes, isn't it?_

"Sounds good." She spoke while I snapped up a little too hastily, to watch her gaze on my tatty rucksack. Everything I owned, confined in a threadbare, black material.

Her expression gazed on, verging on the edge of confusion, like she wanted to say, _'Is that all you've got? Jesus, you look like a piece of shit. Could you not have made a bit of an effort?'_

Okay, the last two sentences were my minds input on the situation. But who's to say she wasn't thinking that? It was probably true anyway.

She must have caught onto my embarrassed look and fluttered away her stare, "Sorry." She took a step behind her, "You must be tired. We can continue introductions in the morning if you'd like?"

 _Continue? Hadn't we already met? Mr. and Mrs. Washington, my new foster family?_

Evidently, my confusion made it to my face which Mr. Washington picked up on.

"Didn't we mention Gil?"

I shook my head.

"Sorry, Gil's our adoptive son. Your age actually!" Mrs Washington gave off enthusiasm in her words.

Again, I wanted to say something in reply, but all I could do was nod my head with a slight smile.

 ** _"_** ** _Ha. The only way to shut you up is if someone almost breaks your neck. Maybe they should next time. Freak."_**

"Like we said, I think it'd be better if we talk in the morning."

Like an idiot, I nodded again, turning dazed on my heel to face a tall staircase.

"Your room should be the second door in. Would you like me to show you?"

Thankfully Mr. Washington remained silent and gave me no reason to look at his ominous figure. Habitably, I shook my head with no words and tentatively gripped the banister up the stairs. All the way up I could feel their eyes burn me with a gaze. Yet, even though that sensation should have been lost at the top of the stairs, something else began to cage me. However, I kept on forward, following the floor on. My path should have been just rugs, tables, walls, doors- thinks like that. Not a pair of legs stood in the first doorway.

My first assumption was my foster brother… what was it? Gil? But once another pair of legs stood beside the original, my heart beat raced. My neck a dead weight, with slow movements I looked up towards two straining gazes. Both shocked, and both as equally confused (if not almost terrified). A few seconds' delay and I mimicked the emotions tenfold.

How the hell could _they_ be here? _He_ be here? What do they know? What did he see?

Two of them. Two teen boys gaped, eyes bigger than that of a basketball and I took a step back, my quivering jaw trying to say something. The scary thing was that I had no clue _what_.

One of them- taller, dark skinned with a curly, thick, jet black afro pulled tight behind him- gathered himself together and smiled. Almost like a switch from shocked to what displayed as friendly. The other boy however, his expression narrowed into an inquisitive… scowl? I couldn't exactly tell. But putting my knowledge together, the tall one must have been Gil. The other was the boy from the fire. The Laurens kid (or at least I thought so).

If I had stayed for a moment longer, somebody would have had to say something and I didn't want to be around for that. Clenching my fist around the tatty bag I held, hurrying my stumbles towards what I'd been told was my room, they stood gobsmacked again in the hallway.

My breathing hitched in my throat, I flung a hand there to stop anymore form falling out, that's when I saw my hands trembling, fed with each continuously rapid beat of my heart. Their indistinct mutters buzzed lowly but with the click of a door closing somewhat steadied the shakes escalating from my wracking figure.

 _This cannot not be happening… This cannot not be happening…Oh god! This cannot not be happening!_

Was I really staying in a house with those two? Jesus Christ, was my luck really _this_ bad? What was I saying, of course it was. Surely I'd have realised that by now.

But of all the places I had to be sent… I just had to have been sent here.

With that, I began to pace. Everywhere, not even looking around the room. Just pacing.

 _What was I going to do?_

Abruptly, a car horn beeped from outside my window forcing me up in fear.

 _Wait… window…_

Looking back on the circumstances, now would have been a good a time as any to begin planning escape routes. With so many treats in the house, I needed at least _some_ reassurance where to go.

I limped hurriedly to the window, leaning out scanning for a shed, maybe the conservatory, or even a _bush_ would suffice as something quick to land on. Unfortunately, nothing but a gravel-bedded landing would prey on me there. The conservatory was on my side of the house, but a lot further to the left from where I looked down. It would be too far to jump from my window ledge, but stuck to the wall were some external patterned bricks, almost like stepping-stones I could step on to get to the lower roof, though the fall of a literal bone-shattering drop wasn't something I could ignore. So I guessed if it was my only option for a desperate situation- although, still an option none-the-less.

There was always the 'dart-for-the-front-door' path. But depending where I was in the house could be a problem. Still, I'd have to accept that.

Just as I was looking around the room for more ideas, a door caught my eye. In the panic, I must have missed it. I doubted it was a boiler room because the heated gurgle was most prominent outside my door. So was it a bathroom? To be honest, in a place like this, an en-suite wouldn't one as a surprise; only in the way of that they gave _me_ a room with one was alien.

I took a step in the door, standing by what I first thought.

Like the rest of the house, it was clean, white and organised. Not too spacious yet, bigger than what I was used to. A shower, sink, toilet, usual bathroom products- but no window. AKA, no escape route.

So I was left with two options. Out the window and out the front door. Back door could be a choice too. That should be enough.

I should've began to unpack but, _unpack what?_ Notebooks, biros, a photo, books, a hairbrush, and a tacky toothbrush? These people had already replaced half of what I owned, so I didn't really have anything to put away. Besides, they'd probably get sick of me within a week.

Looking around, I didn't know what to do. I was so tired but also very grimy looking at the shower. But would I risk it? Taking a shower in a stranger's home? What if they… no. I wasn't taking a wash.

I splashed water over my face but that was it. I looked in the mirror. Pale, skinny, frail. Sickly. Sweat blending in with the pure tap droplets almost oiling against the grease on my cheeks. I was rank. And the rich house wasn't helping my esteem in anyway. They'd see how basic I was. So if they were anything like Mr. Hill, they'd change me again. I didn't want that.

My frayed hoody sufficed as a towel despite three neatly folded on a towel rack.

I just wanted to sleep. I could do that. The bed would be interesting anyway. Not silk sheets, but probably the comfiest thing I'd see in a life time.

I limped forward to the door frame except just like a gong, my head rung as rapid as the bile rose. My legs fell towards the toilet, hands fumbling to lift the seat. The acid ruptured my throat like daggers of heat, and the room wouldn't stop spinning. Then it happened again. Again and again and again until I was just retching up nothing but saliva. It was as if I was being electrocuted, tensing and untensing, eventually falling sprawled across the floor yet my stomach relentlessly kept heaving out nothing. An eternity had passed by, and things began to loosen. My stomach settled and my limbs just took to shaking. My throat was still a blaze with feeble coughs. My heavy eyelids drooped closed as the bathrooms piercing light started to dim, still with the putrid stench filling my nostrils. Exhaustion had finally kicked in.

 **Authors Note:** **I'm not going to bore you all with my rant on how late this is xD (although, it's technically not late because I don't have a timetable soooooooooooooo…)**

 **I've been helping somebody else on this site write as well! She's so amazing you just HAVE to check her out! Oh yeah, her name is 'ColdInMyProfessions' the writer of 'For The First Time I'm Thinking Past Tomorrow'! She's so amazing! You need to read her work! Its tenfold what I can do!**

 **But yeah! Reviews guys! This chapter is the turning point on the story, everything will unfold and shit is gonna BLOW UP! (in like 80,000,000,000 chapters tho lol)**

 **I have SO MUCH planned for this! Its unbelievable! I just want to say (and I hope I'm right here) that this will hopefully be different from all the foster care Hamilton fics out there (damn I hope I'm right!)**

 **Also! Hit me up on Instagram, 'rae_x_l.e' with updates on all my stories. Ask me stuff and ill respond ASAP :)**

 **Please leave y'all AMZAING reviews! It always makes me grin looking back at everything you guys put,**

 **"** **Every Little Helps"- Tesco xD**

 **-L.E-Rae _x_**


	10. Author's Note: Goodbye

Hello, there. L.E-Rae here.

First of all, I'm apologising for making you think there is a new update, but this message much the contrary.

I've been looking back through my profile and having some real guilt issues. I have so many unfinished projects and I realise how bad and disappointing this is, not just for you, but myself and my image as a "writer". So I've been through my profile and deleted all the work I know will never be continued. I kept getting supportive notifications from you all on stories that haven't been updated in more than _two years_. And I hate the fact that I was making false promises and leading you on- so I have put and end to it.

However, there were few pieces of work I just couldn't part from the public. They either mean a great deal to me or to some of you who reviewed. These include:

\- "Loss-t"

\- "You Can't Wake Up a Person Who's Pretending to be Asleep"

\- "I'm Throwing Away My Shot"

Now, later I'll explain why if you want to listen, but for those who don't, here's the short note.

These three stories I can guarantee will never see the light of day again and I wanted to make a sincere goodbye. So, I wish you all the best, but that will be all from me when it comes to these stories.

Okay, so if you want the story behind the all the remaining unfinished fics here you go:

\- "Loss-t" - Okay, this one is still here via the simple fact that I love this AU so much xD There's no big story to it. I just remember that my vocabulary was taught favours during this and I got to understand the Hamilton characters in a whole other way :) Also, the reviews always had me howling! Whether it be from laughter, tears or euphoria! And I thank you for that :) We could have had so many adventures with this... and if you are going to miss this fic, I recommend you read 'notmariah7's' Spy AU "The Union". That is honestly where the inspiration for this story came from. I'm not at all saying our story lines are the same: but you will enjoy hers as much as this (if not more so!).

\- "YCWUAPWPTBA" - Ahhhhhhh. Miraculous Ladybug. Where would I be without MLB? Not here. Not in any fandom I assure you xD This was the first fandom I ever experienced knowing what a fandom is. This by all means was not at all the first story I have ever written for this- no. I took that down at least a year ago because of how SHIT it was xD Like, holy lord above! But... the origins for this story are what made it special. I got my first love at the age of 13. And I asked him out because everyone was saying that he liked me. So I did, and he said yes. But then the next day he broke up with me saying that he didn't want to hurt my feelings. So, I was going through a heartbreak that was not at all pretty and this story helped me share my _personal_ story without having to get sympathy from it. But I'll be happy to let you know that after 11 months of pining and pain- I GOT OVER HIM! _(he's also dating my best "friend" now but OH BOY we are NOT gonna talk about that...)_

\- "I'm Throwing Away My Shot" - And last but certainly not least... here's ITAMS's explaination.

I went threw a devastating depression when I was writing this story and a lot of me makes this up. This story kept me hanging on and taught me so much about what it meant to be a writer. Most of my writing rules came from the growth of this fic. I had _so much_ planned for this one and it makes me emotional to think this is where I leave it behind.

The idea for ITAMS actually came from reading the fanfiction "For the First Time I'm Thinking Past Tomorrow" by ColdInMyProfessions on this site. I aspired to be like her and now, I class her as one of my closest friends. She never actually read this story, but I know I think of her whenever I look at this title. Also, I couldn't be more grateful for you stuck by me threw thick and thin and loved all the characters and my writing (even though we both new that my 12-13-year-old self was not the Picasso of words xD And, tbf, this new 14-year-old has much to learn too.

So, I'm thanking you with all the depths of my heart! Thank you for being on that short-lived journey with me- even if you never really new it xD xxxxxxx

* * *

So for everyone who went through these journy's with me, I thank you. And I know I'm supposed to be good with words but there aren't any to describe how much I love you all. I think it's just a feeling only writer's know...

So, thank you, be safe and enjoy your fandom journey's!

-L.E-Rae _x_


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